Should my mom have the right to access my facebook messages and diary?

[L Smile,]

My mom and I are struggling with issues on privacy, and it would mean a lot to me if an unbiased person on this site could give me feedback on what they think is right after reading my story.

I'm a relatively independent 16 year old who has a 4.0 GPA, participates in several extracurriculars, and is top 10 in class rank at a prestigious high school. I tutor for money, and I even pay for my own braces. I never associate with the wrong crowd, yet my mom asserts that she has the right to my facebook password and to invade my privacy at any time.

I understand that my mom wants to make sure I'm safe and on the right path to adulthood, but I have a strong sense of priority as I have already proven to her with my grades and independence. A few months ago, a boy on my swim team and I developed mutual interest in each other and my mom read my facebook messages and forced me to quit the swim team. Although there were other factors involved in this situation, my mom still will not allow me to talk to him anymore. I already tell her everything that goes on in my life and I'm doing well so I don't know why she feels accessing my facebook is necessary.

Yesterday, she flipped through my diary. Irritated and upset, I told her she had no right to do that. Her response? "You put it under your pillow and I found out. That's YOUR PROBLEM". i feel like my mom doesn't understand that privacy is an intuitively MORAL expectation a teenager should have from their mothers. This isn't the first time this happened either. This time around, I wrote some mean words about my mom in the diary, including calling her a b***. She's very upset and told me she would never get involved in my affairs from now on, which also means she'll never help me with anything again either. I know I messed up and I will apologize to her about my mean language, and I'm aware mothers have it hard too and she does a lot for me. But in truth, I feel like she should also apologize about failing to practice self control by reading my diary again after a similar thing happened and I told her how upset I was. Now I'm scared she'll tell my dad and my dad will beat me for being disrespectful (Filial piety holds extreme importance in Chinese culture).

Do you think my mom is doing the right thing, or that it is only my fault? Because my mom genuinely thinks everything is my fault and I'm always the only one in the wrong. I'm genuinely curious in seeing what other people view this situation as, because my friends will obviously be biased in my favor.

Thank you for your time!

[Milly]

Your mum is violating your privacy. Change your password and hide you diary because she is being very unfair. You should really tell her how you feel.

[me]

If you were giving your mom reason to be worried I'd say she's doing the right thing. But since you're clearly a good kid she's completely in the wrong here. You shouldn't apologize for calling her a b*tch, she should apologize for being one. If she hadn't been so nosy she wouldn't even know you had thought that.

My mom put secret spyware stuff in my phone and computer and it's made it hard to trust people even to this day. I have a lot of built up anger because of it. I was way worse of a kid than you though it sounds like, but still. If a kid has reason to be distrusted then it's understandable but if they show they're good kids and still have their privacy disrespected it can cause a lot of negative psychological effects

[Save yourself.]

You should listen to your parents most of the time, but when it comes to privacy, your mother needs to learn to give you some space.

How would your mother feel if you were listening to all of her phone calls? Reading all of her texts?
She'd probably feel like you're invading her privacy.

Don't let your parents take 100% control of your life.

[Josabeth]

Somthing like this used to happen between me and my mom and honestly I think it would be better if you don't write/have a diary. No one is at fault for this but she should understand that you need your privacy and space. You should tell her how you feel and show her that your maturing and that she should trust you more. Maybe not tell her everything thats going on in your life but still keep her informed on your life at the same time

[Marie]

She has no right, plus she obviously overreacted with the swim team thing. She can't hold your hand forever. Your going to be going out into the real world soon and she can't do anything about it. And btw beating your child is child abuse. Its not your fault alone, she needs to take up some responsibility. Btw your mom does seem like a bitch. No offense.

[Job]

sometimes, everyone needs to vent some frustrations or work through some emotions. it helps us to deal with things and to not go crazy on other people. everyone deserves a private place to do this. some people have trusted friends, others write things out, therapists, etc.

while you need to respect your mom, she needs to learn to respect you as well so that you can develop your own healthy sense of boundaries and self identity. you can't do this properly if you don't feel like you have a place to safely express yourself.

if writing some angry things about your mom helps you to get the feeling out without lashing out at your mom in person, then it's good. it's her own fault for reading your private thoughts.

[Ken Milby]

Well my dear, yes parents do have every moral and legal right to moniter your activities. As parents they are bound by God and our powers that be to make sure that your welfare is secure ! We were all your age once so we know and understand the emotional and physical dangers all around ! You need to cut them some slack because they love you. If not then they would let you go anywhere and do anything ! I am a 53 year old cool and honest Christian man.

[Megan]

I think you should talk to your mom about this, rather than calling her a bad name. When you approach her first apologize and then explain to her why privacy matters to you. If she doesn't listen don't change your facebook password because your parent can contact help support and delete your account altogether. If she still refuses to give you privacy I suggest you accept the fact that she is your mother and loves you to the point where she doesn't want you to get hurt. I hope this helps. Just remember to listen to your mom's reasoning as well. It shows your respectful.