What are the pros and cons of arranged marriages?

[Isha]

I'm looking for some strong information relevant to this title. According to researches that were conducted, they states that "Arranged" marriages does obtained to be more significant than "love" marriage.
From what most people said on here that, Love marriage tend to be better because the couple have similar features of likes/dislikes. I also like to point out that couple with opposite likes/dislike could also have a life together by "adapting" to such dislikes.

[Rodica]

There are no pros, only cons.

[Roses]

I (personally) don't think there are any pros?
You don't know the person, who knows if you have anything in common...
To me, it's a really stupid idea, even though some cultures still do it to this day...

[Mike]

there are none...u are getting married to someone u dont know and dont love...so there is nothing good about it.

[Kurt]

I can think of no pro's and many cons, the major one being that your parents arrange your marriage.

[Pearl L]

if youre a person like me that never gets asked out on dates an arranged marriage would be an advantage, the cons would be if someone picked the wrong partner for you

[justme]

Marriages based on love and feelings don't always last, so I think arranged marriages based on good family background and compatibility could have a lot of pros.

[Hurricain]

If you are ugly, it might be the only way you would ever get married.

If you're not ugly, I can't think of any pro's. Only con's.

[Martin]

For your information, 'arranged marriage' exists and applicable only in the Indo-Pak society, or some African communities. "Arranged marriage" does not exist elsewhere. So, we don't have any pros or cons about it since it doesn't concern us.

[GK]

If all is physically and mentally normal with both man and woman there is no problem. There is a certain understanding in the arranged marriage that neither man nor woman is perfect, that there is also differences, and that the two need to love each other in every sense of the word, Agape, Eros, Storge, Mania, Ludos and Pragma. The concept of arranged marriage is still sound, provided both understand what constitutes abuse to the other and are not cruel to the other. Most people in the world are not cruel and each has some sense of right even if a bit distorted.

There are western researches studying the concept and they are advocating more concepts from the indo-pak norms. Online dating websites are also a sort of convergence into arranged-type marriages where computer algorithms are used in place of peoples/well wishers suggestions as to whether two personality types can cohabit in matrimony. Western dating has the problem of over-thinking the dating process where people are looking or expecting things in each other that do not matter. Often couples are not able to see clearly that the things that one sees nice/desirable/sexy/affluence/ affordability in the other is not what makes a sweet husband or sweet wife. Western dating overly relies on high levels of Eros and things start to fall apart when in marriage after a few years, Eros comes to the normal level. The ability to adjust and love the other has been greatly distorted by the commercial world and social media.

There are four nova-problems in the modern world which affect individuals approach to marriage compared to older generation.
1) Materialism: Money , income of man, and independent income of woman has created a gluttony where each can use money to hurt the other and engage in a power struggle. A notion of family income is necessary in order to come up with a figure "enough money" beyond which either man and woman can do other things they feel meaningful in life. Earner has a right to major financial decisions and set budget, dependent has a right to financial fairness and intimate considerations in the expenditure. Romance should be defined without extravaganza and splurge. A woman needs to know how to support the family if necessary without hurting the intimate partner. The male-ego problem is not very significant anymore with women proving themselves at everything.
2) gender equality, a male intimate partner role is not to earn, and a female intimate partners role is not to cook and clean. Problems arise when a woman has invested her sexuality in the man's ability to expend on her, or when a man expects the woman to do traditional roles. The house-work is shared responsibility regardless of how much one earns, and income is family income not a private purse. Domestic Abuse by men is well known. It is not often known that men are just as often victims of abuse. Feminism has gone beyond its mandate to hold supreme individualistic aspirations to the point where it is hurtful to a male intimate partner, and a male should retract the offer of lifetime companionship to avoid abuse. Male-Abuse include sex denial, womb hostage, parentage denial, controlling, show of contempt, screaming, physical violence, passive aggressiveness etc.
3) The understanding of homosexuality is that it is now imperative than man and woman engage in sexual relations without holding it conditional to favors in the transactional-world. Sexual, emotional and romantic considerations are important because money buys most comforts. A woman is not a cook, cleaner, nurse, and a man is not a security guard, financier, porter, chauffeur, handyman-worker. The material benefits in marriage are not an entitlement and are secondary to the emotional support the two should provide each other.
4) emotional disorders. This problem is latent in love marriages. In arranged marriage system either the problem is not known, or the family/person may conceal it. There is more understanding now about OCDs, aspergers, mania, perfectionists, jealousy problems, anger problems, schizophrenia, depression, bipolar, etc It is up to the new spouse who encounters the problem and has to deal with it. Things are more manageable if the person is self aware of the emotional abnormality and has mechanisms to keep under control and/or consents to therapeutic handling, and also the understanding of the new spouse to handle it. The problem in arranged marriage is that the situation is so bizarre to the spouse and has a "why me?" angle. In most cases, the couple does not know what to do and things fall apart. it is not as if the emotional disturbance gradually grew over during period of time the couple knew each other.

The problem happens when there is something out of the norm.
* Homosexuals in denial. My respects go to openly gay and lesbian people, unfortunately on account of homophobia and self rejection there are many who do not know or afraid to accept their sexuality. Moralists use the moral definition of marriage, end up denouncing one or the other as lusty woman or sex-crazy man, though sexual affectionate behaviors are a fundamental expectation within marriage
* sexual dysfunction (ED/FSD) while this is curable it is hard to make an understanding when the problem is discovered immediately after marriage.
* Intimacy disorders (unable to shares secrets/talk communicate/unable to be affectionate enough/role play the loving spouse/sugar babe/ understand the others need for company, sweet talk, touch etc )

While it is possible for arranged marriage to cross religious, community bounds, under the current social norms the greatest weakness of the arranged marriage is that parents do not know how to search/arrange beyond their community lines. the power of love is such that it conquers all barriers, Nationality, Political convictions, Religion, Language, traditions, ethnicity, race, eating-preference etc. This can happen when a woman allows herself to love any man she things worthy, and any man allows himself to love any woman he thinks worthy. The selection restriction in the arranged marriage has the problem of reducing the pool of available suitors to both man and woman, but online matrimony-websites can overcome that.

Sometimes in arranged marriage because the marriage is arranged by the parents, there is insufficient motivation on part of wards to take responsibility of a fair definition of marriage. Most couples have not read extensively about the philosophy though they are exposed to the romanticism. it can happen that a person does not take ownership of a relationship problem and expecting elders to solve problems or do nothing to assuage the hurt in the other, engage in tit-fot-tat and not heal each other. There are healthy ways of fighting, and the level of affectionate traction needed by women is much higher, to compensate for the times the woman will have to express anger/annoyances towards the man.

Religion fails to address the sexuality in marriage adequately. Real life intimacy should not be like porn, yet should sufficiently satisfy sexual needs. Parents guidance towards their wards are also inadequate for the times. Birth control, parenting responsibilities, career need to jointly and lovingly discussed without pressure with both interests and abilities in mind.

Some misunderstanding can be corrected with joint relationship and premarital counseling. Some problems can be avoided by insisting on dating like courtship post engagement. Both prospective and the parent should be willing to cancel the marriage if something feels amiss in the intimacy perception in each other, even upto the days before the marriage despite expenses already made in preparations. Its cold feat if hesitation is caused by unsurity/self doubt/other doubt. Its not cold feat if one certainly feels there is an interpersonal intimacy mismatch.