I am the reason for our break up... Can we still be together?

[Lylanna]

When we were engaged we had a fight and I cheated on him with my ex. Back then I did not expect to still be with him when it happened. But we got back together, and I told him the truth. He was mad and hurt. But still married me.
After marriage he demanded that I never speak to my ex again.I was angry at my husband that he may even think that he has any control over me; and at my ex - for taking advantage of me when I was hurt. I wanted my ex to admit he was wrong. Also I wanted to make sure he missed me. I wanted him to admit that leaving me was a mistake. But as time went by - my husband proved to be a wonderful man. And my ex kept telling me that he is petty and jealous. At the time I did not say otherwise to him, but was waiting for an opportunity to one up my ex. I even stopped by my ex's house once, to show off my company car. I wanted to hurt him back for hurting me. My husband was successful and my ex was still leaving with his parents. I just needed the right moment. But my ex got married, years went by, I got over our break up and he became just another name on Facebook.
My ex is also a Facebook status whore - posts when he farts kinda deal. So notifications kept popping up on my cellphone. My husband saw it several times and eventually decided to snoop around. He found messages from 2010 between us. I did not even know they existed. I forgotten last time I actually spoke to him, but when I said that I do not remember my husband did not believe me.
So I said that that was the last time we spoke. Next day my husband found messages from 2012. I swore they were last ones. Then I went looking myself. I found messages dating no further than a few weeks. My casual conversations with my ex. About a movie.
It sickened me to think that I did not even register who I was talking to. So I attempted to delete my Facebook and went on the forums in search for what to do.
On one of the forums they said "too much truth hurts". So I did not say anything to mu husband. But he went snooping further and found those messages too.
My husband demands that I tell him the truth. I know he is expecting me to say that I cheated again. But I did not. I will NEVER admit something I did not do.
Last thing my husband told me yesterday before bed was: "the only thing you gave me was five years of lies and an awesome daughter". I know he said it out of hurt. But... you know...
I love my husband very much. I know what I did was horrible. But I cannot be living in a doghouse for the rest of my life. And living with a person just for the child is wrong too.
He said he will never be able to trust me again. He will always doubt if I am telling the truth.
And now, after what he said - I am starting to think that if he feels that the only thing I am is a lair - is it even worth saving?
But I love him! He is a wonderful man! He is caring and gentle!
I just want to die...

[shawnkrukowski]

you were wrong........... you should not have continued to talk to your ex after you got married......... i would never do that to my wife, infact i erased every ex from facebook.............. when you get married you should only want to make that person happy and not worry about the past............. i think if you sit your hub down and tell him it was in the past and was a mistake he will get over it.......... show him that they are 4 years old........... it might take time but he will get over it

[Captain Lemmy]

Divorce your husband to set him free from you. You are a horrible person.

[sirjester099]

You more than proved that your husband was nothing more than a cushion to fall back on. Do you even have a clue to the concept of marriage?

[???]

When you get married, you have a responsibility to protect your fidelity by having good boundaries. Keeping a male friend around who has already intruded on your relationship and would likely do it again is not respectful of your husband or your marriage. Good boundaries protect your investments, so to speak, and your husband now sees that you haven't been doing that so further investment is a bad idea.

Add to that, you lied to him about staying in touch, even after you were caught. It doesn't make sense that you would risk your marriage over random chatting, so he's probably convinced you were cheating the whole time, and just using him while you got your jollies somewhere else. He probably doesn't believe that you love him, and thinks you and your "boyfriend" have spent the last five years laughing at him. He may even doubt the paternity of your child.

It's going to take a near miracle to fix this problem. I recommend the following:

Go to CVS and spent $40 on an at-home DNA kit. Come home and tell him you're worried he's doubting your daughter is his and want to prove it before it comes to that. Then tell him you'll be completely and totally honest about everything he wants to know. Apologize, let him know you're no longer talking with your ex and that before you thought he didn't trust you not to sleep around when you're not that way. Let him know you get that it's about respect though and that you didn't realize how much you were disrespecting him, that you felt like you were standing up for your own reputation by staying in contact with this guy and proving it wouldn't lead to anything, but now you see how stupid that was and you won't have anything to do with him ever again. Reinforce how much you love him and your daughter and that you'd do whatever he needs in order to trust you again -- but don't waste his time if you don't intend to really do that. This is a last chance offer, and if you're not going to really take it on, there's no reason to waste any more of his or your time.

Good luck.

[Y]

Trust is gone, your marriage has been a lie, there really isn't any more that can be said at this point. You were not over your ex when you got married, you never really got over him until he moved on with his life. By the way, he didn't take advantage of you, it takes two and unless he raped you. your even more guilty then he is for cheating.