What is wrong with me? Why am I a writer that can't stop writing and imagining? Why don't I leave my house?

[stoptryingtohurtme]

I am very exhausted by my brain. I don't know what has happened for the past few days. I was sexually abused when I was 13 and it happened again recently and I almost died from lymphoma cancer when I was 12 and I started to do drugs when I was 13. I have always been psychologically bullied by people since I was younger. I dropped out of school to write for magazines and one day out of nowhere, I couldn't stop writing poems, hearing voices in my head, remembering the past with extreme precision - images and dialogue. As that progressed, I ended up writing a book and because the book was such a painful process for me - I sent the manuscript to over 2 thousand agents and publishers and finally found a publisher. Tonight, I screamed on the top of my lungs. I usually scream into my pillow. All the characters are different versions of me, that i hear in my head. Simply: I feel like reality isn't real and I live in my own surreal world. I am always imagining things and I feel like everything is foggy/unreal. It's very hard for me. I am also NEVER conscious when I write, it all is already written for me in my head and I just watch my fingers move like I'm possessed. I am very depressed, I can't leave my bed. I don't leave the house. I am always afraid something bad is going to happen, always paranoid.. Intrusive and graphics images of violence. I'm just. I don't know. This is my lowest point. I am also VERY sensitive to information and social media, it makes me sick.
You are wrong. I sent my book out to hundreds of publishers and agents and I did get a book deal. I think I mean that it felt like thousands when I was hustling, I would not lie about that? Are you nuts? I also rewrite everything like 30 times until it is perfect, you are not very bright.
HAHA. I am not sensitive to critique, I have a fucking editor who critiques me and tells me to rewrite and I critique myself all the time. I am not even going to argue with you but yeah please hold onto the delusion that I am just some 19 year old with "grandiosity" and "aspirations". Nothing I wrote was fiction, you two are both pathetic people.

[Elaine M]

There aren't 2,000 agents and publishers in the world. Stop exaggerating.

Look, if your stuff was publishable, you'd have gotten at least 10% feedback even from unsolicited submissions. Take a serious look at your work and fix it. Nobody publishes something that others don't want to read, if you're doing stream of consciousness writing you still have to REWRITE it. Multiple times. That's called the craft of writing.

As for the rest, you need to get some professional therapy. What you're describing is not normal behavior and you can benefit from having someone discuss this with you.

[neko]

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You are a normal teen going through a normal phase. Delusions of grandeur, imagining something makes you special, feeling disconnected from the "world", struggling to find a place to fit in, imagining you have some "special" nearly magicla skill/talent and very very sensitive to criticism or critique.

You keep posting this...and changing the wording and "facts" despite making your activity PRIVATE (google is not your friend)

Based on that I assume this is some creative writing project you are working on. It is completely unbelievable, stilted and obviously written by a teen. Keep writing though, if you are passionate about it.

Protips:
>submitted to 2 thousand agents and publishers and finally found a publisher
No.
and
Hell no.


> I feel like reality isn't real and I live in my own surreal world. I am always imagining things and I feel like everything is foggy/unreal. It's very hard for me
aka: Every normal teen identity crisis ever.

> I would not lie about that?
The Internet, everyone is 6 feet tall, ripped and shredded, talented above their peers, a unique snowflake and a Navy SEAL.

Good Day.

[epistemology]

There may be nothing wrong with you. You are merely becoming a professional writer.

I am told actors are difficult to live with. Getting into character is a difficult process, and a strain to those emotionally close to the actor. Most actors do not mention these efforts, it may seem unprofessional. Besides, such talk may distract from the illusion the movie tries to project, in other words, dimming the experience. I am told writers go thru similar phases.

I think that such side effects of writing caught you by surprise, think something is wrong with you, and the idea is getting you depressed The solution is to go on with life as if everything were well. Yeah, it is an effort, but it should get easier with practice. Of course, you do need a form of counseling if you cannot get back to a normal routine after a reasonable time and effort.