Does this guy have a self-confidence problem?

[Bianca]

I recently started talking to this guy on OkCupid. His initial messages were comments on my profile and how pretty I looked in my profile picture. I guess I glanced at his profile and didn't respond right away - it was 2 in the morning and I was about to go to sleep. So then when I didn't respond after 30 minutes, he sent another message saying "okay not interested I take it." I thought this was over the top, but I messaged him back anyway, and he actually seemed pretty cool. So I gave him my phone number and we started texting.

During maybe the second conversation, he asked if I had a boyfriend - I thought this was weird, why would I have an okcupid profile if I had a boyfriend? Then, he said "you probably don't go for white guys, do you?" (I'm Indian). Again, I thought this was strange - if I wasn't interested in him, why would I have given him my number? He also asked if my parents wanted me to bring home an Indian guy. Every time he has brought up the topic of us hanging out, he has used some variation of "if you ever want to".

He has also called himself a loser for not having a lot of hobbies, and talked about how dumb he felt for getting a bad grade on one test. When he asked for another picture of me, and I said I look like crap and you wouldn't want to see me right now, he said that sounds like something he would say.

He's a really good looking guy, too - great hair, chiseled face, really buff with a six pack. And he's smart too, doing a neuroscience degree. I'm wondering what he has to be so down on himself about. The one thing I don't get is that if he has such low self confidence, why he has so many pics on Facebook, many of them shirtless. I am notorious for having low self-confidence, and I barely have any pictures on Facebook – the ones that I have are mostly just my face.

Does it sound like he really has confidence issues, or is that possibly just the way he talks? Or some other explanation?
@Common Sense - this wasn't even a question of having problems with this guy. And please stop answering my questions - you never have anything useful to say, it's all negativity and crap. You are the one I am going to try to block.

Bringing up past questions is irrelevant and rude. They have nothing to do with this current situation. And I am online dating because going out to meet people is not an option for me right now. Don't insult me by insinuating that you know better what I should do than I do.

Seriously, please stop answering my questions.

[American Hindu]

He is trying to make you feel sorry for him so that way you will be more interested in him. I know, I myself, have an okcupid profile and so far I have not gotten ANYONE to date me off that site because it is usually hard for females to do (most females are insecure and there tend to be a lot of creepy guys out there). This is even after they initiated the convos and I have written to them for over a course of a few days for them to be comfortable enough. I think the best way to go on dates is via person to person. I have had a lot more girls come up to me and ask me out or flirt my way for me to ask them out than on the internet.

Traditional societal norms still prevalent in America:

-If you message a female and she does not respond within a few hours, she has lost interest. (However, even if the female did not respond right away, it could also be that she does not want to come off as desperate.)

-Culture barriers of ethnic background- many ethnically different girls that I talked to also had this same problem. They did not want to seem like they wanted to push me into a relationship, so they almost all had to ask if I was in a relationship or if I had ever been in one. Similar to what that guy said to you on, if you were all ready in a relationship and what your intentions were. Ethnically Indians ALMOST ALWAYS date and/or marry other Indians, even in the U.S. I have seen some marriages that were inter ethnic though.

But still I think he is leading you on because obviously the guy makes it seem like he does have confidence issues; however, he does not feel afraid to expose himself on facebook.

[Antst]

It is impossible to say exactly what his issue is, but there is an issue. Based on what he told you, he may have a self-confidence problem. But more importantly, he sounds manipulative. He is painting himself as a victim and making you feel sorry for him so that you'll date him. If you do date him, he will probably continue doing this.

My advice is to stay away from him. He may be a nice guy, but there are many red flags in the things he has said.

If he does only have a self-confidence problem (and is not trying to manipulate you), then he is not ready to date.

[Jackie]

The only way you can really know for sure is by talking to him more. There are a few red flags there. I agree that if he's posting shirtless pics on Facebook, he's obviously not ashamed of his body. But maybe he's doing that because he feels his body is the main thing he has going for him - I see girls do this all the time, post bikini pictures to get attention because they feel like that's all they have to offer. They thrive on the compliments that people give them on these pictures, because their confidence levels are really just so low that they need that to feel good.

Really, it's up to you whether you end up dating him or not. He seems pretty intense, talking about what kind of guy your parents would want you to bring home when you guys haven't even met in person yet. It's up to you if that's what you want. It's possible that he's a completely harmless good guy and just really, really likes everything he has seen of you, but it's also possible that he could be controlling or even stalker material.

At the end of the day, I think how he treats you is what's important. You say you have low self-confidence too - maybe you two would end up helping each other and building each other up. As long as he compliments you and makes you feel good about yourself, and doesn't cut you down to build himself up, I think that might actually work.

But there's also the worst case scenario, if you start a relationship with him, where his lack of confidence will make him suspicious of you and paranoid about you with other men, and he'll give you a hard time every time he even sees you talking to another guy.

Really, it's your call. Just be cautious if you do decide to meet him.

[Common Sense]

Y O U A G A I N??? My goodness, you certainly have issues with all of this on-line dating you engage in, don't you? I think that, in addition to your very low self worth issues, you just do not know how to select boys. You have had nothing but problems on that Cupid site you always post about. It is not working for you.

Why not go and get involved in real life with real people so you can meet someone in real life, not in cyber space with photos and text messaging?

This guy is whomever he wants you to believe he is, just like you want him to believe you are this self confident person, when you are not.

Take it all with a grain of salt. If this is how you want to waste your time, go ahead. Just remember, like with the last guy you got involved with on that Cupid site, block him if you feel uncomfortable.

Does this new guy have confidence issues? Who really knows as anyone can be whomever they want to be on the internet. Newsflash: it is not real life, it is cyberspace.

Just to make my point: think about what you wrote in your profile. Now, this time, be honest about it: Would you post in your profile that you are an insecure individual with self worth issues and have body image issues as well? Would you post that you have had one failed internet relationship after another? OF COURSE NOT. So, you see, if you cannot be honest yourself, how on earth do you even expect other people's profiles to be truthful?? Sorry if the truth hurts.

[seamstress]

When you date in cyberspace, you take the risk of "meeting" all kinds of people who portray themselves how ever they please. Most play act and pretend they are someone they are not.

I agree with "Common Sense" last paragraph. For that reason, I refuse to engage in cyber dating.