How to honor a friend who has passed?

[CowgirlUp]

I lost a good friend a week ago to suicide. It was completely out of the blue & unexpected & the shock still hasn't worn off. I attended the funeral, but I don't feel like I have closure yet. This is because I had feelings for him but never got the chance to tell him. I had worked with him for over a year & a half & he was just such a great guy. We were very much alike in that we were both 'country'. Unfortunately I had somewhat grown apart from him in the last two to three months before his suicide. I now regret not telling him how I truly felt about him (the reason I hadn't was because I had just ended a long term relationship & wasn't quite ready for anything yet). I enjoyed all the time I got to spend with him. I miss him & his smile. He always wore a cowboy hat & boots to work, just like I did. I wanna get a small tattoo in his honor & leave horse shoe/roses at his grave. Would this be okay even though we weren't 'best' friends & never dated? How can I now "tell" him how I felt?

[Defender of Truth]

Your getting a tattoo is something that you can't change...how about donating the same amount of money that a tattoo would cost you to a charity that you favor?

That might really help someone in need and knowing this might help you to heal.

[Lover of Blue]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Suicide has an awful sting to it. One of my family members committed suicide and left behind a young family and it was devastating. One thing I noticed is that her husband and other family members all struggled with guilt and feeling like if they had just said something or done something different then maybe it could have been prevented. But I don't think so. And I don't think it's healthy to carry around such guilt and "If only I had..." in such situations.

It's normal and healthy to want to honor your friend for who he was and even want to communicate to him your feelings. I'm sorry for your loss.

[Myra]

You can honor your friend in any way you feel appropriate - from sharing memories (speaking well of him) to a tattoo. If it's well-intentioned, it's honorable.

[fgsearchn]

You can talk to him.
You need to go to JESUS. And through HIM talk to the FATHER.

Dear Heavenly Father,
I am devastated. I feel lost and confused and guilty. I had many things to tell to my friend and I didn't. In my heart, I keep wondering if I said anything, would it have helped him? Please Father, my heart is burning and mind is foggy. I have so much grief. I don't know anything. Please help me. Here are the things I wanted to say to him……….Is it possible for me to know what would have happened if I said these things to him? Father, I don't want to let go of my pain and grief yet because I feel entitled to it. Please guide me and heal me. And give me some closure in my pace. In Jesus' name I ask this. AMEN.

Keep talking to the Father through JESUS every time you need it. He might even let your friend answer. Also, you can keep praying for your friend and ask for forgiveness for him from the Father and ask for HIS BLESSINGS for your friend. Every time you remember him and feel said, say "GOD BLESS YOU…"

I went and still go through this…it is an ongoing process. God will teach you many things along the way.

[MNL_1221]

My condolences on such a sudden and horrific loss. I'm sorry this happened to you--and to your friend.

To a degree, you have already honored him by talking about him to us. You have shown that he is important to you. Now, if you have a Facebook page, you could post a message to honor him there. You could also post something on his FB page. I like the idea of the horseshoe and roses on his grave. I'm not great on tattoos, but if you want to, go ahead. My nieces and nephews tattooed the name of their mother (my sister) on their wrists after she died. (You might wait a month or two to see if you really want to tattoo yourself.)

I had a friend in my adolescence whom I'd then drifted from. When I started searching for him, I found out he'd died of AIDS. I visited his grave three times that year, and I made a panel for him for the AIDS Quilt.

You might contact a group that deals with suicides or survivors of suicides, or another type of grief counseling group. This will help you to deal.

You might also write a poem or short story about him, or create a website about him, or donate to a charity he'd like in his honor. At Christmas, you might donate a toy--maybe a cowboy outfit or a Woody doll--to a charity in his honor. My sister was a cheerleader, and I donated a cheerleader doll to a charity at Christmastime.

You can also talk to him--yes, get alone in your room, "sit" him in an empty chair opposite you, and tell him everything you wanted to tell him. You can also pray to God, sharing with Him what you're going through. You can also pray for your friend and for his survivors.

God bless you very much!