Girl Problem, please help!!!?

[Jeff]

Hi, just asking this as its driving me mad. I met this girl during high school we never were really close, i then started talking over Facebook and got really close. We would hang at parties message back and forth every day or 2 days, then about 1 year later she got a boyfriend. Now I know i got friend zoned but this isn't really my problem, my problem is that now she has a boyfriend i feel it very awkward to talk via text/fb message/at parties or anywhere. Now this really bothers me cause we were really close, like shed spend pretty much a whole party talking with me, even when her boyfriend was at one of them she went out of her way to come talk to me, i felt like a dick for **** blocking her boyfriend and I've got nothing against him he's nice and chilled but every time id hang around her id get weird vibes from her. During december of 2013 i talked a bit to her via txt messaging but absolutely nothing throughout Jan and Feb of 2014. I want to go back to messaging every 2 days but now that she has a boyfriend i know that can't happen, we don't go to the same uni's and now that she has a boyfriend she doesn't really hang out in our social group. i want to keep this girl as a close friend and I'm scared that ill lose her and that really hurts me thinking about that I've tried thinking of ways to message her but it doesn't feel like it use to and now i haven't talked to her for over 2 months I'm scared she'll be angry/won't want to speak this really is bothering me any help would be appreciated sorry for the essay

[Rockhound]

You could try phoning her or ask her out just the 2 of you and tell her you miss the closeness you had and wish you still were close.
Good Luck!

[Uncle Gary]

Hello, Jeff!

Don't apologize for writing an "essay." I love writing them myself; it is my favorite mode of self-expression.
You need not end all communication with your friend; however, it's obvious that you can no longer continue along the same vein that characterized your relationship before another guy entered her life. I sense your resentment, though you were judicious enough not to make a big deal of it in your post. It's no fun being thrust as the third wheel when, once upon a time, you were the apple of her eye. The thing is, she never placed as much emphasis on your friendship as you had heretofore assumed; girls tend to categorize the roles in which they place the men in their lives based on their intuition, so my feeling is that she probably never had a desire to carry her friendship with you beyond that stage; in essence, you were friendzoned from the git go.
She has a boyfriend, which is a fact that you now must learn to live with. The impulsively personal Facebook conversations to which you've become accustomed will eventually fade, if they haven't done so already. That's because things aren't the same; her focus is on the other guy and thus she may not be as receptive to your thoughts and yearnings as perhaps she once was. If you wish to retain contact with her, this may entail a slight change in tactics. Instead of writing messages that are supposed to draw her in with responses of her own, you may have to satisfy yourself with posting observations of your daily life that may get her attention but does not require a response--sort of like writing a journal.
Your fear of losing her may have some basis, since it is evident, even to you, that she is gradually slipping away; there's nothing that you can do about that. Don't try so hard to hang on to her; she is not the lifeline to your sinking ship. Take the time to recognize her strengths as well as her weaknesses, her likes and dislikes--everything that you have learned from her during your evolving friendship--and use them as your stock in trade in being her friend. There is no shame in being friendzoned. It's not the act of attaining such a status that makes it a challenge; it's the attitude you have adopted to deal with it. So, make it a point to be her best friend--to, in fact, love her. Yes, this may entail allowing her enough leeway to place you in a receding background; if that be the case, then accept it graciously. This may be a tall order for a young guy like you who hasn't had that much social intercourse with dissonant groups of people or situations, which forces you to adapt to them with more or less equal aplomb, but you have to begin learning it from somewhere. She sounds like a great person to befriend, even to date, but you're not going to be able to keep her, so gradually release your desperate hold. Do you know what will happen to you once she has slipped out of your life? Nothing. You may not have control over all of your fate but you certainly have a say in some of the things that happen to you. The more you fear losing her, the more that situation is apt to happen; fear attracts the very thing that gives it life. I cannot offer the comfort you are seeking but I have a tremendous respect for the durability of human spirit--the same spirit which will see you through when the worst-case-scenario comes to pass.
You went out of you way to give the other fellow the benefit of the doubt, but you are not a bad person yourself. Stop flagellating yourself and give yourself credit for being the good friend that you have been to her. One day she will need a friend like you, so wherever you go in life, don't stray too far away from her call.