Cover Letter Critique?

[Miria]

(Note: This would be for a Public relations entry level position as an account coordinator. I've done 3 public relations internships so far (I'm a 23 y.o. college grad with a B.S. in Corporate Comm) And I am currently doing a public relations internship right now. And edits, tips, critiques would be great. I've spent 4 days trying to perfect this cover letter. Thank you!)

HR Name
Company
Address and Floor
City State Zip

Dear Sir/Madame,

I would like to take the opportunity to express the talents I would bring to Milk Studio. I acknowledge that Milk Studio focuses on maintaining strong relationship with their clients and the press in order to build trust for potential and current clients, as well as the general public. I understand the values and principles that Milk Studio withholds, and I believe I am the right candidate for the account coordinator position that is currently open.


Brainstorming new ideas and thinking of ways to be innovative and fresh are what I love to do. I get along well with everyone and stay in my lane. I do not create drama at work.

I possess solid interpersonal skills, as well as talents in creating communication pieces. During my internship at Spring Studio Public Relations, I produced style descriptions for Shoelovers.com’s 2013 summer/fall shoe collection. I also contributed the Shoelovers.com daily blog, with helpful posts relating to fashion and style. I was very keen on promoting Spring Studio’s clients through the use of social media, and generated 10% more facebook and twitter followers.

Through my managerial experiences at PacSun, my organizational skills have allowed me to prioritize schedules and complete projects within time and budget guidelines. Because my position requires me to be in constant communication with my colleagues on the west coast, as well as ship/receive items via UPS on a daily basis and complete weekly expense reports, I have mastered the essence of meeting and beating deadlines.

At PacSun, I have increased store sales up to 10% and improved customer satisfaction rates, by engaging in in-depth customer interaction, thorough employee training and evaluations, tracking, promoting, and reordering best selling products, and holding in-store sorority events with established Universities, NYU and Columbia University.

I am a resourceful team-player with the ability to lead when necessary and I love working in a fast-paced environment. My attention to detail has allowed me to finish my tasks with completely satisfactory from my superiors. My seven years of experience in customer service has helped me to establish long-term relationships with my clients.


Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

My Name

[Ann]

Seven years in customer service might kill your chances at an entry level job. Don't emphasize that in a cover letter.

You put in too much overall. This is not a public relations blurb to express how great a product is.

For a cover letter it needs to be brief. For an entry-level position you don't need to show many achievements. Few are expected.

At entry level, a cover letter should mirror the SKILLS section of your resume, not the WORK HISTORY with details

[TedEx]

Toooooooooo long.
Someone may read the first paragraph, then it is likely to be tossed aside.

Get to the point and get to the point early.