Don't want to cause Drama...how to handle?

[Renee]

Hi, so I've tried loads of writing forums and finally found one I really like, with people who know their stuff and I love it there and I don't want to leave, it's the best site out there that I've found for writing and I've tried pretty much all of them. Also I am 23 so not a child and having this problem.

I go on there solely to write and help others with writing. But there are some guys on there between 22 and 37 and slowly they have started messaging me a lot. They first chat about writing, then they start asking me about myself.. They then start to ask for me real name (I use a fake one because I don't want anyone knowing my real name so they can hunt me down on facebook or something) asking for my email and my phone number. I said to each of them when they asked I didn't want to give that stuff away. Some accepted it and others persisted. I had one man over 56 chatting me up very obviously, and he was well aware of my age. Since this is a UK site and I live in the UK most of them don't live that far from me. If I ignore them, the messages just keep coming. Finally I got direct with them all and they have left me alone. One of them actually fell out with me and had a go at me for talking to another man on there. I didn't approach any of these guys they approached me. I'll talk about writing with them, but when the topic changes onto me, that's when I say I don't want to talk about me. The first time was a little more my fault as I didn't know the site and he said we all like to get to know each other's hobbies outside of writing. But when he wanted very personal information I wouldn't give it.

Three days ago a new guy joined. Along with several other people we said hi and next minute he's messaging me. I didn't want to assume anything, but I kind of knew what would happen. We're weren't discussing my blog for long (which he said was why he contacted me) before he's asking me where I live, how old I am...

This forum doesn't have moderators. It's not a big writing forum, just a small UK based one. There's no real authority on there to approach and it's not like it's just one person. It keeps happening with different guys. And I have to go through it with them all again. How should I make people like these guys aware that they won't get anywhere with me, and that I won't be giving out my name, where i live, age, or any contact information. That I'm on there to write not make relationships or friends?

I don't want to offend those that haven't done this or come across as having attitude.

Thanks
You made me laugh but also made sense. I have people on there who have helped me a lot so creating a new profile I might lose them and they all know what I'm working on and it won't be finished for a while. But you did make sense. Something to think about I guess x
I didn't put up that attention. I use a different name, nothing personal about myself. I did nothing to bring this on.

[563]

create a persona. You are a four hundred pound, sixty-four year old woman, as far as any of these guys know. You're a lock-in, and you suffer from agoraphobia and have frequent panic attacks.

Then they'll leave you alone.

I've known several young attractive females through the internet who were harassed by men when all these women wanted to do was talk writing or religion or politics.

The internet is CRAWLING with socially inept men who think that a bright talented young woman would be lucky to have a guy like THEM. They are so awesome, but nobody knows it! Convince them that you're not attractive and they'll leave you alone. Create a facebook account for your less attractive persona in which you focus on your writing.

If you really like the forum you're on, that's my advice. Alas, it's too late. They already presumably know your age and the sort of material you're working on. And it's a shame that a lot of guys are stalkers and bullies. But that's the way the internet is...socially inept, introverted men get their social interaction here rather than from the real world. And there's too much "playing hard to get" culture where men get the impression that "no" from a woman doesn't really mean "no", but rather, "Keep trying. And be more insistent."

EDIT:

If you're working on one particular project in that forum, maybe you could leave it as soon as that project is finished. Then rejoin a few days later with a new persona and your next project? Sorry I can't be of more help. I sympathize with your plight and the plight of other young women who get harassed simply because they're young and female.

EDIT 2:

If you're certain these other writers would respect your wishes and keep your secret, you could let them in on the joke. Then you could laugh in private messages about certain d*cks who were all over you a month earlier but couldn't care less about you when they perceive you as a completely different person, different age, different weight, different psychology. Lol, I'm devious like that...

[Steven J Pemberton]

Choose your battles wisely. You shouldn't have to put up with that kind of attention if you don't want it, but if the forum has no moderators, and there's no way to block the users who are harassing you, and some users won't take no for an answer, you may be better off finding another critique group.