Is it ok to have a secret FB account from your wife/husband and talk dirty with "friends"?

[Dynamictwig391]

I was suspicious of my husband for a long time, but finally installed a keylogger program and today I found everything I've been wondering about. I went in his FB account and saw everything. He was not only complimenting them, calling them hot, cute, sending them love poems, promising to buy them dinners and flowers, and also badmouthing me, saying our marriage was over and I was holding him back from having all the funwith them. Mind you, we've been married for 11 yrs (no kids fortunately). We're in our mid 30s. So I figured it was about time for him to grow up, but I guess I was wrong. I've been the good wife, the one who cooks, cleans, saves money, takes care of him, respects him, etc. That was a big stab on my stomach. But then when I first told him, he denied of course. Then I opened the page and showed him everything, he then had no choice than to admit it was he. Then he accused me of not letting him have females friends, that I hold him back, etc. Basically he turned it back on me. Then he said if i don't let him have friends then he's gonna throw me out of our house and he'll keep everything because he's entitled to everything. I know all the girls of his FB. They are/were his waitresses at the local restaurant he manages. They also know me, and it suprises me that they could just go along with him talking bad stuff behind my back. They're basically 17-20 yr olds, girls taking bikini pics with "duck face". I'm a honor student going thru nursing school, I'm not a model but I am good looking, I take care of myself, I take pride in myself! So what's wrong with him? I never deny sex to him, I dress sexy, I tease him... come on, I don't know what else I don't do for him. I hated to see all that especially the part of badmouthing me. He said theres nothing wrong with having friends, but now he has no access to this account, period. End of games. Will he ever respect me or will we end up parting ways because he can't be a serious married man??
When I first found his new account on the FB search I couldn't see all the information but I saw his friends, and I told him... he said I need to seek some "serious psychiatric help". And he told his slutty friends that I have mental problems. Thats' what really pissed me off because I know I'm sane.
hi guys, thanks for the answers so far. You guys are giving me some peace of mind after I was accused of all sorts of mental cases. I can't leave now because I'm not working... I'm going on nursing school now full time, and he agreed to it that's why I'm not working. It's hard to take care of everything and I got SO MUCH to study and clinicals.
I really don't know if I want to fight to win his heart because I see after 11 yrs that I tried so hard and I never manage to make him happy. I don't think anyone can make him happy. I also told him that he keeps messing with these girls and something's gonna end up happening. Either their BF/husband/fathers aregoing to get mad at his chasing them all the time, or he's going to get a harassment charge. He's being very stupid and unprofessional, and risking his job because of his stupidity and immaturity. That's my opinion, at least.
and no, I'm not leaving the house. No way. I helped pay for it when I was working for many yrs. I'm not moving out and letting him put some bimbos in my place. No way.

[My view]

Absolutely, positively not.

[Serene E]

No, it's not OK. Get a divorce if you want to do that kind of stuff.

[Samantha]

he seems like a horrible person to do that to you. you seem like a really nice woman and you deserve a healthy marriage and relationship that this man obviously can't give you. If he really respected you and your marriage, he wouldn't have been doing any of that in the first place. He also is wrong for trying to blame you. Its not your fault and i highly doubt you will ever have a successful marriage with this man because he doesn't even realize that what he was doing was wrong considering his initial reaction was to blame you. Get out while you can and a find a man worthy of your time and effort. I wish you the best of luck

[jojo90126]

I am so sorry, I don't know how to respond to that. I don't think he'll ever gain respect. You are the type of woman who defiantly deserves a LOT better than what your getting, for SURE! I just wanted to say I feel bad for you and I hope you find the respect in this world that you deserve!

Good luck!!!!

[Lily]

It is not okay for him to do that and it is really not ok for a man in his mid-30s to have female friends in their late teens. I'm sorry that your husband has no honor. You know, you are still young and you could still marry and have a family with a better man. If you wait this out and stay with him to see if he changes, you may lose that opportunity (at least to have kids of your own, naturally).

And to his statement: "Then he said if i don't let him have friends then he's gonna throw me out of our house and he'll keep everything because he's entitled to everything", he has no right to everything. There is no state where it is ok for him to throw you out. Do NOT leave the house. Seriously, sleep in the basement if you have to sleep in the basement. But do not leave the house. If you do, he may be able to claim you abandoned him, etc. etc.

[Puga]

No Daisy he will never EVER change, especialy for you.. How do I kno? Because you have already proven that to your self by giving him 11 wonderfull years of what sounds to me the best a woman can do! You are going to let him go and trash his life and you will over come him with pride and dignity. There are many many good men out there wishing and hoping to have a good woman next to them, dont think twice girl, dump him on his ass to the curb!. He sounds like a loser. And yes way lucky on not having any children with that pille of junk. Good luck

[Brynne C]

Daisy, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Unfortunately, you married a spoiled little boy. If I didn't know it was causing you pain, I would have laughed out loud at his claim that you're "holding him back". From what -- acting like a creepy teenage boy?

Also, he's full of crap if he thinks he can just throw you out of the house and keep everything, so don't let that threat scare you. I would call around to divorce lawyers until you find one who gives one free consultation. Or just go online and research the divorce laws in your state, just so that you're armed with actual knowledge.

As for the little girls he's flirting with? That's sexual harassment, because if he's the restaurant manager and they are waitresses, they might feel that they'll be fired if they don't flirt back.

I would print out everything you can from that FB account, and tell him that he has 24 hours to find himself a therapist who will teach him how to grow up, or you're going to take the evidence to the state Labor Review Board.

Guys like him don't grow up until their backs are against the wall and they have no other choice. If you still love him and want to save your marriage, you're going to have to fight hard for it.

[Stephanie]

No, no, and uh, no. What he's doing constitutes as cheating. Divorce him and move on with life.