I'm feeling very lonely?

[Janet]

Well, this is not a question, it's more of a statement. I'm 17 years old, I'm about to turn 18 in a few months. The big problem is that I'm feeling depressed, and lonely. Don't really know which one is the cause and which is the consequence, or if they came together.

I have, like, 3 "real" friends, and classmates that talk to me every once in a while. Never had a real boyfriend, I used to date a guy for a couple of months back in 2012, but he dumped me by facebook. I don't really care about him, for me it's better that we're not together.

2 of my friends are in the same situation that I am, but maybe I'm suffering it a bit more. The other one is currently in a 3-month relationship with a very nice guy. Not only I'm feeling lonely but also people remind it to me all the time, like, "why don't you have a boyfriend?" or stuff like that, I ALREADY KNOW THAT! I don't need anyone to remind me my situation.

Plus, I always want to get out and meet people, but I can't do it without someone going with me. And when I ask some of my friends to join me, they rarely can, (more like never can) they don't have the same intentions that I do, which is meeting guys.

Last night I went to the cinema with one of my friends, and it was pretty boring actually, but compared to my everyday life it was a change.

Just for the record, I'm on holidays until the next week, I take English courses, I workout at a local gym (but I have to go with my mum, and it makes me feel self-councious all the time). But I still can't meet that "special person", and all the guys that ever tried something with me they were way older than me or I didn't like them because they were douchebags. Plus I'm a little unapproachable, people think I'm too serious (or that's what they see, even though I'm not) But my past experiences and my shyness don't let me be who I truly am.

There are a lot of other important things, but I just wrote the essential things that worried me the most. I think the biggest problem is in me, I can't cry everynight, but I don't know what to do, I'm just blocked. Any help will be appreciated, thanks

[malaysia]

There is nothing wrong with being single, enjoy it and make the best of it by talking and mingling with different guys and soon choose one that you want to be your bf when you are ready. But many people are single for a reason, some people are just better alone, single dosent mean unhappy or lonely, theres someone for everyone, one day you'll meet a guy that truly loves you and care about you but for now have fun and enjoy the single life, focuson other things such as college and a career, good luck! (:

[Tam]

You are a young lady with time on your hands and the world at your feet. Just take it all in your stride and life will fall into place. Maybe your wanting to meet new friends and share new company.the grass isnt always greener so don't rush in anywhere. I will say you certainly arent depressed, you just at a crossroad and unsure if the next direction you go is the right one. Just take it easy and go with the flow young miss.

[anew]

What you need: Freedom
What you will need: Money, intelligence, money, a plan, money, a car, a job (OBVIOUSLY)
Optional: Post secondary education, Attractiveness (personality and appearance) Room-mate (I wud suggest this, however, to cut costs)

So I'm a guy, I'm 18 turning 19 soon, I'm a pretty anti-social dude yet, I make friends easily and I'm not socially awkward. But yes, I keep to myself (cause I seen the world, and I'm not impressed!! disregard this)

ANYWAYS!

After reading your story, I don't think I can help since there was no question, so my reply will not be an answer, just some thoughts. Depression.... a mystery indeed. many claim to have it, the ones who do end up dead or on pills, and the ones who don't either beat ended up beating it, or had a few bad days get to them. I personally believe I did have it, and beat it. Though... only by luck. Cause you see, I tried to end it all but I "did it wrong" but I had no clue. The very first thing I did was reach for my phone to tell my best friend (which btw, your "real" friends, are your best friends) what I had done, and that I was so sorry. It was in that moment, I believe, I defeated the monster. Though the crying at night continued, it became less and less prevalent, till now when I do shed tears, it's been long enough since that it's more of a healthy outbreak of emotions, rather than a downward spiral deeper into my feels :'(

Even though there was a time where I had run out of tears, which I wud say was the absolute worst phase of it, I refused to give up because of what someone told me "your life isn't yours to give away" and I was like... ofuck you're right =| I still tried to end it.... and if I had my family wudn't have survived it. Enough about me! You say you hit the gym with ur mother... well that has gotta stop sweet checks. you wont meet a guy at the gym regardless, but it's time to develop a sense of independence! Start with a license to drive alone, followed by permission to take the car! Patience.. no one said breaking free from your parents wud be easy! Now you understand... gonna need that job! Get on that ASAP. AS in tomorrow! or by the end of the week to be realistic.

btw you're absolutely right! You're blocked. There's no other way to describe it. But the thing is... We all are, at this age. That's why it's considered the hardest for parents and their kids. Think about it... we are raised not to pick fights with our parents (so instead, you are depressed [because you are suppressing the urge to DO SOMETHING with your life]), yet our parents are the ones who have control over just about everything we do! and for right now, our parents block us from the real world (for our own good, the world is a harsh place, even for the prepared, and if u just go out and do SOMETHING, you'll end up with a problem bigger than your parents and they wont be able to help you *as much*) yet, we DESIRE freedom. Independence. Relationships. All these things and more are being blocked because you don't know how to have them, at the same time as living under your parents roof.

I'm like you, Janet. Apparently girls mature faster so it must be even harder for you. I hope u know enough English to get all this.. ?

I lived too many years depressed and lonely, which btw, they are reactive to each other, like salt and coca-cola. (go try that one, the salt and the coke)

Back when I was at the peak of my depression (which lasted 3 years, the total amounted to 5 years) I was all over this site! Desperately seeking the answer to the only question I had... Why am I so sad? I took comfort in answering other people like me who had similar questions, it helped, sorta. everything made me sad, but in public you wouldn't believe I was depressed since I'm such a social and funny person. The fact was, I was so funny that nothing really made me laugh. fake laughs. lol. what a nightmare. thank god it's in the past. which brings me back to you... like me, but still chained to the monster that is depression. I was given some advice back then that stuck with me:

I've had depression for 10 years, hold strong, and when ur in public, try something rediculous! like go to the bathroom and if someone pulls up to the one next to you.... well in the mens bathroom we have like... bowls mounted on the walls that u can piss into... so if someone is peeing at the same time as u, try putting ur leg up and peeing like a dog! You'll probably make their day. Another one is to buy a wig and just wear that around the mall like you have no idea its there- the looks you get are hilarious!

Now that advice was obviously lost in translation, and held much more meaning (but i lost that account information) when written correctly, but its an answer I got that actually helped me a lot (its actually 2 answers in 1 but what ever!) I want you to know, that as hard as it seems, you got to keep at it. life i mean. its tough, and the last thing you need is to believe that you're the only one who see's it that way. because I know you're just like me! and! I know I'm just like a whole bunch of people who can think for themselves and are decent human beings. I spent a lot of time wondering why me, but then I realized... Why Us, Janet. Why us. Why us? Because we care.

Good luck friend. Remember... Even though they don't seem like it, and even though you feel different, you both breathe the same air, dump the same shit, kiss the same asses, and think the same way (no one thinks the same as someone else but we are all human, we all "think") as every other person who walks the earth, they just see the world a little differently. "perspective" it means where u see things from. Perspective is the only real difference between us. But ultimately, I care about me, so I care about you. I care about us! And if sharing my experience with life, depression and feeling lonely can help you, of course I'm gonna do it.

I wrote you a lot, sorry bout that. It's not because I think more will help you, because I could go on for at least a year about 5 years of misery, just something about what you said took me to a place I haven't been in a while... take notes, I don't even have a name for it, I don't acknowledge it because I never want to be back there ever again, how better to lose a place than to forget its existence. beating depression wasn't like winning a fight, it was more like being in a maze of pure black and dim light. Where every dead end meant you cried till no more tears came out, then turned around and tried another path. do that for long enough the tears run dry, and the dead ends become cliffs and you can end this fucking maze in an instant by jumping off (this maze I call being depressed and trying to live life). How did I get out? I never gave up, tried path after path and never looked back. turned out that the only way out was to walk right to the edge of the cliff, embrace the idea of what follows... death... and accept it place of torture for living. as I said before... I failed at my attempt. but in trying, I had realized I wanted so much to live and couldn't do that to my loved ones. Never try to commit suicide, not even if u think it wont work. I was just messing around with an injection needle and my vein, pulled out some air and it shot back into my vein, I thought the air wud get trapped at my heart, brain or somewhere. I tried to text my best friend, while crying at what I had done... and nothing happened. So to answer that question, how did I get out... as I said earlier.... luck. I hope for you, that you come to the understanding that your life isn't just yours! That's pretty big in defeating the monster. Cause the monster makes you hate yourself, but if the people you love, love you, how could you justify the hate you have for yourself? "any help will be appreciated" well... remember that your life is more than just your actions and your perspective. your life lives in the lives of everyone you meet, including me. your part of my life now (you're that girl who asked a question like I did, and who reminded me of me), and if you take your life... you take it not only from yourself, but from me. and your family and real friends of course. Just remember that next time you're lonely.

and hey, if I'm not around, there are PLENTY of people on this site, who answer questions like this, who live or lived lives just like us - Depressed. my name is "Anew Akount," which if it sounds funny, that's cause i made "a new account" since I lost my old password! LOL

Now... If this is ur first time reading this, go back to the beginning, and don't read more than you need too. Get that Freedom! How? It's all there baby. Money. Car. Your own place. Courtesy of working. And money.

Best of luck! Don't worry, be happy!

[Asmaa El banna]

Hi
Honestly i wouldn't way any better than all those people who replied you back. However , it happens to everyone and anyone every now and then. Just try to be stronger and try to have interests in like more. Believe in yourself and don't wait anyone to share any action you want to go. Whenever i feel depressed i hang out on my own whether touring with my car or grab a cup of coffee any where. Don't hesitate to mingle with people and those people will help you in an indirect way to know more people. Do whatever it takes to make yourself happy.And by any chance through these action you will be able to meet Mr. rite.
Wish you all the best and take it easy.
Cheers

[Amichai]

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