Should I be offended by someone's ignorance about my OCD?

[Jackie]

(some of this situation may be familiar to some people already, as I posted another related question earlier)

I just started a Zoosk profile, and I've been getting messages from several guys. I've been talking to them all, and one in particular is kind of getting clingy and annoying.

He seems like a very sweet guy, but his behavior is almost stalker-like. He's Indian, and this has been my experience with Indian guys who grew up in India and then moved to the US for school - they generally get very attached very quickly for no real reason, and are talking about marriage within the first conversation (I'm not racist - my parents are Indian and I grew up in the US). We had a few minutes of uninteresting small talk, and he talked about how he really wants to meet me. He lives 300 miles away and is talking about traveling here.

He asked for my phone number the first conversation, and I naively gave it - big mistake. I also gave him my facebook profile URL, and saw that he was not the same person in his Zoosk profile picture - he is a nice-looking, but short and skinny guy, while the picture on his Zoosk profile is some Indian athlete or male model. That was two days ago, and he has now called me three times (I didn't pick up). He has messaged me multiple times on both Facebook and Zoosk and asked if we could talk. He will first say "hi" and then again "hi" an hour later, followed by "are u there?" after 30 minutes, and "can we talk" after another hour – and this has happened multiple times over the first few days, so the he’s sent a total of probably 20-30 messages without a response. Yesterday, he asked if we could meet for Valentine's Day - I have never had a date on Valentine's Day and really wanted one this year (I'm 29), but with someone I really like. This guy I mostly just feel sorry for.

In an attempt to get rid of him, I told him I had OCD and have a very hard time leaving the house (this is actually true and why I started online dating in the first place – I typically downplay it with guys I really like). I haven’t left the house more than 5 times in the past year because it produces too much anxiety – only when I really wanted something enough to deal with the anxiety did I leave, and going on a date with this guy is not worth that. He didn’t know what OCD was and Googled it, and he asked if we could video chat. Then, the first thing he asked was whether I have had sex before. I was shocked that he would ask this, and he continued that if I have a good sex life, I will be healthy mentally and physically. I said it’s not that simple. He responded that he doesn’t think my OCD is a big deal, and he thinks if I have someone who loves me, “it will fix ur ocd.” Then he asked why I’m so scared to meet him, and he said if I didn’t want to leave my house, he could come to my house. I was pretty annoyed at this time.

First of all, I don’t want to give him my address – I feel like I already gave him too much personal information. And second, it feels like a slap in the face that he would say my OCD is “not a big problem” and it will be automatically “fixed” if I have a boyfriend and am having sex. I have really struggled with this for over a year now, it’s kept me housebound and prevented me from living any sort of life whatsoever, and then this outsider who hadn’t even heard of the condition until just now has the nerve to tell me my condition is not a big deal and that having *him* in my life will fix it. Because I’m that stupid, right? That I didn’t know that all I needed to get better all along was a boyfriend. Recovering from OCD takes a lot of hard, hard work in the form of Exposure and Response Prevention and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy – it’s not something that will just *go away* when I have a boyfriend.

On the other hand, I know he meant well with his comments – it’s more stupidity and ignorance than actual bad intentions I think. It’s actually kind of sweet in a weird way. Should I be offended here?

[Amazingball362]

You can if you want to. But of course, you should never listen to an ignorant person.

I have OCD, my friend has it also. There's nothing to be ashamed of. There are also celebrities that from OCD too.

You will meet idiots from all walks of life. And your decisions on how to deal with them is your choice.

[Pearl L]

just block him

[Schuyler]

He means NOTHING well; he is a typical stalker and you need to cut him off now and permanently, and do not feel sorry for him, he is a creep. Tell him you are not going to continue this conversation and he needs to respect your wishes, period. Then you need to change all your contact info. After you tell him that, never respond to him again and you need to report him to the police. They usually have a cyber unit and they know how to handle stalkers.

[LolaCorolla]

His behavior isn't one of acceptance and support...and it's not kind of sweet in a weird way...it's just weird...period. Yes, you should be offended...enough to cut communication with him ASAP.

[Bianca]

The main gist of my answer is that you absolutely should not give him your address, and really it would be best for you to cut contact with him immediately. You might be happy that he did not seem judgmental of you having OCD, but his behavior is not sweet or supportive either. He really seems like a stalker, and he is not really listening to anything you have to say or willing to listen. He just wants to meet you, whether you want to meet or not.

Honestly, as for the comments about the OCD, I wouldn't really hold it against him. I know it's hard to hear something like that, and it is very ignorant, but you probably understand, being Indian yourself, that this is not a culture where mental illness is really understood. You say yourself that this guy had to Google OCD to even have any idea what it was, when most Americans have at least a vague idea of what OCD is from pop-culture references. He just doesn't understand.

But at the same time, I would say that the fact that you're offended and disturbed by his comments means that you should know, even more than before, that this is not the right guy for you. You posted about this guy earlier this week, how he was constantly contacting you and would not seem to take the hint that you are not interested. Now, he's not only overbearing and clueless, but he's incredibly ignorant about something that has actually had quite a big effect on your life. So really, whether his intentions are good or bad, it's just not a good fit.

I would just tell him that you met someone else and you can't talk to him anymore. You are obviously not interested in him, and it is okay to say that. You seem to be so concerned about being nice, but do you really want to end up in a serious relationship with someone like this? You might think if you go on one date and don't like him, then that'll be it, but it will just get worse with time, and it will be harder to get rid of him the longer you spend talking to him. Just stop wasting your time with him so you can find someone else. If you clearly tell him you are not interested in him and he still won't leave you alone, contact the police.

[LadyMarissa]

You should NEVER be offended by IGNORANCE!!! It's obvious that he has NO idea that he is uneducated on the subject!!! it sounds to me like it is time to be HONEST with him & just tell him that you are NOT interested in him!!! That when you first met him that you had hoped you 2 could become close; but it's just NOT working out that way!!! Then tell him plain & simple...GO AWAY!!!

The sweet weirdness is him paying you some attention which you need; but it's the WRONG kind of attention!!! So, just tell him that he is NOT the right guy for you & you'd appreciate it if he'd just GO AWAY!!! Then block him from your phone & ALL your online accounts; so you're NOT tempted to reply to him!!!

[Common Sense]

You need to STOP communicating with this guy because for one, you do not like him and, you do not like him.

Why on earth are you still entertaining this fellow? Why?

So basically, he knows you are vulnerable and he is trying to exploit you by being your "hero" of sorts.

My goodness, are you really that desperate and that foolish?

BLOCK HIM and stop asking the same questions. We all are telling you to block him. If you will not take that advise, then stop asking.

[Dr. Drakken]

Speaking as someone who also has OCD, let me start by saying I am sympathetic towards you. It really is a huge pain in the @ss. There are plenty of people out there who don't understand it, or somehow glamorize it, and think it's no big deal. And you're right - recovering from it is extremely hard task, so hard that I dropped out of therapy once because I found it too hard.

It's in no way sweet or kind or nice. I'd bet my next meal that this guy does know what OCD is, and is hoping to take advantage of your anxiety for his own pleasure. Do NOT - I repeat, DO NOT - let this creepy anywhere near you. Period.