Calming methods on horseback?

[HorseFreak]

I expect a lot out of my horse. It's hard for me to teach him new things because when he doesn't do it correctly, I get frustrated and reprimand him for the littlest things. Usually after a little I just get fully frustrated with him and it shows in my riding. Lately i've just been stopping and letting him rest while scratching my arm and making myself bleed, and after i'm noticeably a little calmer. I was wondering if anyone had any good calming tips so I don't have to scratch myself? The deep breathing doesn't work for me, especially since I have minor chest pains so it hurts to breathe in too much.
@Silver Wasp, he is an old 21 year old horse I got when I had been riding for a month(long story). I had and have an instructor but I didn't teach him some things, so now I'm trying to teach him it. He is not green.

[Darcie Y]

First, remember that horses are always trying to do what they think you want, so if they're not getting it right, "either you asked the wrong question or you asked the question wrong." I know it can be difficult to stay calm when you feel like you just aren't getting through to them and they are more blocking you than trying to figure it out, but you ust have to stop and remind yourself that he is trying. So here's what I do when I get frustrated. I just stop. I don't wait for a good note, I don't finish what I'm working on, I just stop. I don't get off and finish the ride, I just stop and wait until I calm down. While I stop and wait, it does several things: 1) It gives my horse a chance to calm back down. When I get frustrated, my horse can tell and he gets stressed. So stopping and just standing helps him to bring his adrenaline down and start using his brain more. 2) It gives me a chance to think to myself "Why isn't this working? What else could I try? Why is he not doing what I want?" And then you can go and try it again with a different approach. Remember, there's no one way to go about getting a result, and every horse needs something a little different to get the message across. And 3) It gives me a chance to get my mind off things. Usually right after I stop I will go on my phone and look at facebook or something. After taking a short mental break I am able to better analyze the situation without my emotions being so strong, and start to make a new game plan.
Your greatest tool as a rider is your ability to control your emotions and stay calm and logical. If you feel yourself starting to lose that, take a break. Frustration won't help you or your horse. Believe me, I've been there and done that, and re-approaching things after a break with a calm and clear mind is better.
Hope this helps!

[Silver Wasp]

I would suggest the best thing for you, your health and your horse at this point id for you to call in a trainer who will properly train your horse to do what you are struggling to do. Clearly your horse does not understand what you are trying to make him do- are you sure you are giving the right signals? Are you experienced enough to be training a horse? Do you have someone (a riding instructor) who can help you?

When you do get frustrated when he does not do what you want him to do, stop training and go for a trail ride. Along the way get him to walk, trot, canter, drop down through the gaits, halt, and walk on again. Do something that you know your horse can do, and always end your ride on a good note. Training a horse well takes a lot of time and patience, and won't happen instantly.

Think of a child learning to walk- that takes time, and can you imagine how you would feel if your mother had reprimanded you for failing to walk within a training session? Horses are like children- it takes time to learn something new.

[Silver Wasp]

I know you don't want to hear this, but honestly a couple of the things you said make me very concerned. If you are scratching yourself enough to draw blood, then I'm afraid that you may be suffering from anxiety that probably won't be cured by a couple of deep breaths. You also mentioned chest pains...if you don't have a condition that explicitly explains your chest pains, then that may be another sign of anxiety.

I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad, but because I'm worried. I also suffer from sometimes crippling anxiety, so I know exactly how you feel. Some days my chest is so tight I feel like I can barely breathe enough to get oxygen. But injuring yourself is definitely not the best way to calm yourself down.

As for how to deal with the situation, I have noticed that a lot of tension is carried in peoples' jaws. If you're feeling tense, relax your jaw, and your muscles will usually follow suit. Another thing to do would be to walk him on a long rein and do stretches (things like toe touch, touching his ears, etc). Only do this if you know that he won't spook. And a third thing you could do is to ask him to do something painfully simple for him (like a nice trot transition) and as soon as he does it praise and hop off before you can think of anything else you want him to do. I practice the third on my mare who I sometimes get anxious about, and it works well.

Again, I really hope that you don't think I'm trying to attack you or insult you because really I'm not. But doing something like that is a warning sign, and I can guarantee that if you speak to a doctor or therapist they can teach you coping techniques that will make your life so much better.

[Reaghan]

I would say stop training. Instead just take a few trail rides as Silver Wasp said, and work on your general riding. Do things that you know you and your horse can do well, and make them better. Meanwhile when you are not riding, research what you are trying to teach your horse and make sure you know how to teach your horse this new thing. Maybe your training technique is not great and that is why your horse isn't learning?

Doing something you and your horse know how to do well will help make you feel better and boost your confidence in riding, and when you do try to teach that thing to your horse again, you will feel calmer and more assured of your riding ability. And if you start feeling stressed again, stop and do something else to ease your tension- take a trail ride or go for a gallop in the paddock, and always end on a good note.

Also, don't stress if he doesn't get it immediately, he doesn't know what you want him to do, so he has to learn what your signals (hand and leg aids) mean. It is harder fro him to learn than it is for you to teach him, and punishing him for not understanding you is just mean.

[Trudy]

You sound very highly strung and over anxious, horse riding is meant to be fun. relax and stop worrying about the things your 21 year old does not or cannot doo. Relax and enjoy him

[Like a Fox]

If your horse is older then perhaps he has his limitations. What are you getting annoyed about and what are you asking him to do?

As mentioned when something doesn't work, then do something that you know DOES. If your horse is having an off day in the ring, go out in the field for a trot or canter or go for a hack instead and let him chill out. You're also ending a good note which is far better than on an argument.

[Zooey M.]

you hurt yourself when you're angry?
you have more serious problems.
you need to speak to your parents about this, or a councilor.
hurting yourself isn't normal.
get help.