Should I just go ahead and kill myself?

[thatdontimpressmemuch]

When I was about two years old my parents divorced and neither my dad or his whole family made an effort to see me. By the time I was six they stopped coming around altogether. Throughout childhood I never actually had any friends and for those who claimed they were my friends didn't want to hang out with me like they let on. I was never invited to sleep overs, never had anyone call me, and was hardly ever invited to birthday parties.
When I was eleven my mom re-married and had a son. She always put herself before me to begin with unless there was company around and she made herself look like the worlds best mom but ever since my brother was born I am nothing to my mother. She never tells me how much she loves me or how proud she is of me. She just constantly complains about every thing I do or makes fun of my likes and dislikes. However, she has no problem telling my brother how much she adores him. I've tried telling her how I feel but each time I do she just rolls her eyes and mocks me for it. She even told me once that she didn't have the money for me to take an ACT test for college but that very evening she spends $150 on my brother's Easter basket and she almost made me late for my own Prom because after she picked up my little brother at his dad's house and took him to a pizza restaurant that he wanted to go to just to play games after she already promised me that we were only going to pick him up and come back so I could have time to get ready for my Prom. My mom is also re-married again for the third time and she lets my new stepdad shut the power off in my room, shove me down, grab me by the hair, throw half of my things away, and several times he's threatened me and called me fat. All of which my mom either ignores of defends him. I've also told everyone in my mom's family how he treats me and although they tell me how horrible they think he is towards me they never say anything to him about it and my mom constantly says that they agree with my stepdad when I'm not around.
When I was in middle school I still hadn't made any real friends and I was bullied every day by a group of boys and one girl who had been held back twice. All the teacher's saw it but would always tell me to just ignore the boys and to try and understand that the girl had a rough life at home. I even went as far as talking to the board of education about it but nothing was done until the girl was expelled for cussing out a teacher. Still I had to deal with the boys until I started high school.
During the time I was in middle school my dad and his family started coming around and asked me for a second chance and I let them, but for the past ten years I had been making most of the effort when it came to calling them or visiting. My dad claimed he wanted to have a relationship with me but he would constantly ignore me when I was with him, and basically treated his son like a golden prince compared to me. After spending years of having my dad look over me, worshiping my half brother, and taking his family on exotic trips that I was never invited to, I finally told him that I no longer wanted anything to do with him or his family.
My whole life I've never really had anyone except for my grandmother who died when I was ten. Both sides of my family constantly puts me down, I have no friends (or at least friends who wants to call or hang out with me), and I'm always overlooked and ignored. I couldn't begin to tell you the many times that I've sat there and listened to my "friends" ask each other if they wanted to come over or something but never bother to invite me when I'm right there infront of them. The only friend I had that did hang out with me ended up stealing my necklace I wore to Prom then admitted to it. And all the guys I've dated cheated on me. Even last night when I was at work the manager and a sales associate kept talking and laughing and I tried joining in on the conversation several times but they kept shutting me out. Then the sales associate started talking about the manager coming to her house to visit after we closed and once again I wasn't invited or acknowledged.
I'm made to feel like I'm worthless and nothing in this world and I wonder if I'm doing anyone any favors by staying alive. It's obvious nobody really cares about me to begin with and I don't know why. I've always treated people with respect and helped anyone who asked for it just so I can get taken advantage of for being soft hearted towards another person. I've even heard a past co-worker say "I hate that b****" to one of her friends when I saw her at a store and waved to her. Another time when I was working at another place there was a boy who said "f*** you" to me when I was asking a co-worker a question and the boy didn't even work there. Should I just go ahead and do the world a big favor and just end it?
PS- I am a Christian and I can't afford a psychiatrist.

[Matt]

no that's not the way to go

[Kylier]

I think taking your own life is too drastic especially when there is a huge world out there for you to explore. Im not sure how old you are but since you have been to the prom I am guessing 17/18 years old.
College (either community or other) should be coming up so that may help get you out of the house.
you need to put all this behind you and work on securing your future (the way you want it). Travel is also a good option (work hard for a year and go overseas somewhere or travel around the US).
My mum and dad divorced when I was 1, my dad doesn't have anything to do with me, my mum would rather spend time with my sister and I literally have no friends but I am now happily married with a family of my own.
Don't throw away your life for a few unhappy years just work hard on trying to improve it.

[ella]

You should absolutely never contemplate killing yourself.

I am so terribly sorry for all that you've been put through. I'm familiar with feeling lonely and without friends and family, and I know how all of that feels. But the beautiful thing about life is that you and you alone get to decide how things are going to work out for you. You have the power to leave everything toxic behind and start fresh at any moment you decide. Your family may act terrible toward you, but they will NEVER define you. In fact, anyone who treats you without dignity or treats you as lesser than anyone else doesn't deserve to be around you, because they are the ones who are wrong. As for those who aren't family, there are always people who will come and go in your life who are called "friends." Those people come too often, but there are some people out there that really care about you, whether you recognize that or not. And there are plenty of people out there that will care about you in the future.

Keep your head up and stay strong. Follow your dreams. Meet new people, and try seeing the world from a positive perspective away from the people that are making you feel this way. Sometimes we get dragged down to our lowest points only to come out on top. Don't ever forget that you are equal to every single person on this planet and you deserve to be happy and loved - and you are.

[Kenneth]

No you certainly should not do that , life's an amazing gift , granted it can be a bit shit sometimes , you sound like a nice person , the people you mention don't sound very nice at all so you'd probably be better giving them a wide berth , try joining a local church group , I bet you meet nice people who will respect you , as for your step dad what he is doing is physical and mental abuse and he could quite possibly face prison for that , I guarantee the police and the men in prison will have no problem facing him , be strong and I'll pray for you .

[Kristin]

No! Doing that wouldn't help you! If I were you, I'd start looking for a job, so that you can save up enough money to get your own apartment. Also, don't listen to the little things people say. People are going to be mean so you should accept it and move on. This is the number to the suicidal prevention hotline (877)727-4747. I recommend you calling it when you feel that way. The main thing is, hold your head up high, and don't worry what other people do. Mind you business, and remind yourself that you have your whole life ahead of you. Your life is a gift, don't waste it!

[DavisNancy]

Dear lovely young lady:
I come from the same home life you describe. I was a dark person growing up. I often thought of taking my own life. I was a Christian and sought refuge in God. I walked to a church and got involved in a youth program. I concentrated my efforts on school. Education is your ticket out of your situation. Draw your self esteem from church and other Christians. As I grew up I began to find my place in life. My life is now wonderful! I have a successful career and I have many friends and hobbies. I do still struggle with self-esteem issues. However, I met a wonderful Christian man who lends me aid in this department. I study Near Death Experiences and I think I can assure you that if you do kill yourself God is just going to make you come back for a redo. That or end up in a place you do not want to be. God Bless You tonight! Oh, and many, many years later I would find out why I was the hated child. It was because my mom was sleeping with a sleaz

[Christina]

Ending your life accomplishes nothing. There are many "free" support groups out there. I suggest that you check one out. You will be able to communicate with others who are going through some of the same things. Here you will be able to build up your self confidence and one day walk with your head held up high and when you see all these ppl who made you feel worthless......... you make them feel ashamed for being judgemental and just pure assholes.

I was the type of person in high school that would rather sleep the extra half hr. Than get up do my hair and plaster make up all over it. I walked around went to classes etc. Never got caught up in the gossiping and fighting to be in the group of popular kids. I am who I am. I know im beautiful inside and out (and im a thick woman). Its sad to say but all of those who tried way to hard to fit in where they didnt ended up in bad places. And the make up thing they need a lot more where I still dont need any.

[Paigee-Poo]

Suicide is not the answer. Let Going Viral in 3-2-1 help you.

Please call a suicide hotline today
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