What else can I do to make sure my daughter doesn't make the same mistake again? Arrested for theft of a vehicle.?

[Brawnee]

My 14-year-old daughter was arrested for stealing a car tonight. She said she had no knowledge of the car being stolen. I believe her about that but she still lied about whom she was going to be with. She told me her friend (one I have met a few times) sister was going to pick her up and take my daughter and her friend to a movie and I would pick them up. She was picked up at 730pm. I see the car actually pull up, and it was the same car she was in when she got arrested. At 8:30ish I got a phone call from the police station. I went to pick her up. She was released with a court date.

On the way home, she told me that she didn’t know the car was stolen, but admitted she lied about going to a movie with her friend. She said that some girls from her school wanted to drive around and listen to music. She wanted to go, but didn’t think we would allow her to go so she lied. I grounded her for one week (no friends, computer (except for school related), phone, or television) and an early bed time of 9pm. My husband (her father) thinks I am being too lenient and is just pissed off at the whole situation. I just feel she has to go to court on top of this, so she feels bad enough as it is. In Canada if she is convicted, if she doesn't commit anymore crimes, when she is 18 her youth record will be expunged. So I feel a bit better know this won't affect the rest of her life.

Is there more I can do to ensure this doesn't happen again.

[revsuzanne]

There are a whole lot of things you can do.
For one thing, you need to spell things out to her. If she EVER wants to drive, she needs to keep her nose clean.
Forbidding her to see the trashy friends won't do much. Is there a parent at that friend's home you could talk to? You need to get them on point about their kids' activities and let them know that you don't want their kids near yours ever again... if nothing else, the court case will give you that opportunity.
What you can do is take the time to keep your daughter involved in a variety of activities so she won't have time for this troublemaking friend. Ideally this would help her to hang out with more positive kids.
You may have to network people to pick her up and drop her off safely... like coaches or teachers.
I have a friend who made sure her son never rode with anyone other than a teacher or coach, and never with any kid at the wheel. She knew what, who and where he was at all times. Even had him going to catholic private schools and kept the administration on him at all times. You may have to do the same.

[Vagos]

It might seem rube, but i don't have such intention, but you have to educate your daughter about what is wrong and what is right. I do not blame her, not a bit, she is a young girl and she need guidance to learn distinct right and wrong actions. I advise you, above all to love her, both parents, it's very crucial for her. Moreover you, as parents, must be the example for her, if there is love and honesty in a couple the kids will develop good character and heart. I believe she won't do it again, you just need to give her space for friends and activities. I also advise you to built trust between you and you daughter, this solves many things in future!

[old timer]

I think the 1 weeks punishment is more than enough and I also think you should tell your daughter that you believe her about the stolen car and the punishment is for lieing to you about where she was, not about the car.

Sometimes love is more important than punishment when your children are in trouble...

Your daughter needs to know you totally trust her and if she does know that than she will feel that with that trust comes responsibility and knowing your parents love you and trust you, you will than become a more responsible person.

Give her all the help she needs when she goes to court, in fact your whole family should go to court to show her how much you support and care about her.... it will also help the judge to see she comes from a good family.....judges do take notice of these things...

[bw022]

You are extremely naïve.

Your daughter has been arrested for a serious indictable offense. It is punishable by up to ten years in prison (Canadian Criminal Code 333.1). Any sentence over two years will not fall under the Youth Criminal Justice Act and results in actual jail time. Crimes are not automatically removed from your record in Canada when you return 18. You have to wait five years after completing your sentence in order to apply to have a juvenile record removed. Assuming the trial takes a year and she gets even a summary conviction (six months of community service or something)... she won't be eligible to have her record removed until she is 21. This can affect admission to certain university programs (nursing, home support, child care, etc.), certain jobs, etc. Further, any conviction will prevent travel outside of Canada forever -- criminal records are forwarded to other countries and these do not remove records at anytime baring a full pardon.

You should be talking with a lawyer at this point and not discussing it with anyone. Anything you say online, to friends, with family, etc. can be used against her. You just posted that your daughter lied to her parents... do you want that brought up at a trial or even the police or judge to think that? Your lawyer can give you advice. The first will be to never talk to anyone about this.

Obviously the police don't buy a word of this. It is extremely unusual that they charged a 14 year-old passenger with vehicle theft. Notice they charged her with theft, not just some lesser offense, so it is clear that they think she was involved in the actual theft. Police in Canada rarely actually charge people (especially minors) without actual evidence. Since they didn't show up with a warrant for her cell, computer, phone records, etc. I think it is highly likely that the police have text messages or witnesses stating that your daughter was present at the time the vehicle was stolen and/or that she knew about it during the commission of the crime and in some way participated. You should be asking for copies of the police reports first think today.

Your daughter doesn't need to know you trust her. She needs to stay out of prison, to not have a criminal record, and to do what her lawyer tell you. Allow her to meet with the lawyer alone.

You should be taking her cell phone, computer, tablet, etc., going through every email and text message, and getting copies of your phone calls. Do not destroy anything. Package all this up and give it to your lawyer. Expect the police to show up with a warrant for them -- at which point you can say you turned it over to your lawyer.

Grounding for a week is hardly appropriate. Until the trial is over (or charges are dropped), she needs to be home or which an adult all of the time. You need to know exactly where she is and have proof of this. People facing ten years in prison are now going to be making deals with the police, pointing fingers, and doing anything to avoid jail. Threatening your daughter, physically harming her, getting her to lie, tricking her into confessing, etc. Even innocent conversations can end up in court. Her Facebook, Twitter, and any other social media accounts should be deleted. She should have some type of check-in system so that if something else happens you have proof that she is at home or in specific places. Imagine is she posts a Twitter message or runs into the victim? Victim goes to the police. How is that going to look?

Start by realizing how serious this is. They police aren't playing around. They've charged your daughter. Their job now is to get her convicted. Other people involved will be going to lawyers. You should be going to a lawyer immediately, stop talking about it to anyone other than your lawyer, and *stop posting questions about it online*. A police warrant turns all this over to the crown prosecutor.

[Alpine]

Uggg I guess the poster above would like to lock everyone up and throw away the key. This obviously was a case of her being in the "wrong place at the wrong time"..since you saw her get into the car in question- I don't quite buy into the massive conspiracies suggested in the post above and I disagree with the claim "police don't charge people with crimes without evidence"...sure they do..Guy Paul Morin, David Milgard and Donald Marshall would also disagree with him I'm sure.

Anyhow...Yes her record will be expunged when shes 18 (provided she stays out of trouble) and I agree grounding her for a week is probably adequate. Isolating her by deleting social network accounts will do nothing. Tethering her or coming down too hard on her will only cause her to rebel . I saw how well that worked with a good friends' daughter-she got in trouble at 15( shoplifing on a dare);mother came down hard..kid rebelled and by the time the kid was 19 she had a whole bunch of convictions from shop lifting to drug offences and never did finish high school ) Your daughter only needs to learn that she will be held responsible one way or another for the people she surrounds herself with- we all have to learn this on our own;it's not really something anyone can teach..this experience is lesson number 1.

[Sara]

Your 14 year old is a liar and most likely is well aware that she helped steal a car and sadly was caught.