Boyfriend acting really defensive about changing his Facebook relationship status after cheating scare. Am I being too c

[457]

I've been dating this guy for a year and a half (I'm 21, and he's 31), and it has been going pretty well. We live together, and he says he wants to settle down and we might get married after he's done with college. My dream is to be a stay-at-home mom, so I'm really excited to find someone who is serious about me.

The problem is--well, I looked at his Facebook messages and his phone. I know it's an invasion of privacy, but he kept getting texts from girls and I'd see them as they popped up and finally just wanted to know what was going on, and I found out he has been flirting with multiple women, none of whom seem to know I exist, and none of whom he's told me about. He called one of them sexy (something he actually refuses to call me saying I'm too cute to be sexy), and when I asked him who she was, he said she was a friend, and married. He denied flirting with her until I told him I saw the messages, and then he said, "Well I never flirt with single women" (which I know is a lie because one of his flirty messages was to a girl who told him she was single in the same thread).

We talked about it (I consider it cheating) and he promised not to do it again, but because many of these instances were over Facebook I asked him (for about the third time, mind you) to please list himself as in a relationship with me. I said it looks like he's keeping his options open. He said "All the important people know," and told me I seem like I'm trying to control his Facebook with this.

[Steve11]

Your lack of ambition is troubling.

[Lynn]

That's dirty, i would break up with him personally, I mean if he's doing that then he's probably willing to have sex,
Could you answer my new question? I'll really appreciate it.

[swamp-fox]

I think your issue is larger than a Facebook status. For now he's emotionally cheating on you and doesn't seem to have any issues with it bothering you. He will probably downgrade to physically cheating. Dump him.

[Dani]

He's a lying player. Probably has cheated on you already. His behaviours point only to bad things. I mean if he acts all defensive and won't change his ways, he's being manipulative and secretive to hide his activities. So many red flags there! So, so many...

[MM]

Arguing about his Facebook status is like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. It's not going to stop him from flirting if he's so inclined. It's not going to stop particularly determined and/or deluded women from responding. It's certainly not going to stop any of that from happening offline. So either you believe his promise - which I can understand you having trouble doing, given that he'd probably still be happily doing this if you hadn't caught him - or you don't. And if you don't, then you ask yourself whether having a guy who's happy about you staying home is really such a plus if he's going to be using that time to meet other people, and make your decision about whether you want to continue with this relationship accordingly.

[Sam]

Gold Digger!

[Samantha]

1: having him change his facebook status will not keep him from flirting and/or cheating on you. If he wants to do it, he will. If anything, having him change his relationship status may even cause more attnetion.

2. Your dream is to be a SAHM???? Do not have any other REAL goals in life?? Your dream is to be dependant on a man forever? If you've exprssed this to him, he could possibly be looking for someone else to replace you with someone who is more goal oriented and ambitious... You're still young, try going to school or get a carreer.