I hurt people physically when I'm angry...?

[☺ Cara Lee ☺]

I really need help with this. I know I'm a bad person who is going to burn in hell for being so horrible. I'm a 13 year old girl, and sometimes things just push my buttons so much that I get physical. Only tonight I realized how bad I am. I am easily angered, but I don't physically hurt people unless they give me a reason. Usually it just involves me yelling, or I guess verbally abusing them. My sister, who is 8, is usually the one pushes my buttons to the limit. She steals from me, she lies, and she is all around disgustingly rude to me. I have never actually hit her I think. But she is always the one to start it, she will hit me first, and I act out of anger (which is usually just gripping her tightly, pushing her away, or pushing her against the wall.) I know I shouldn't do that to an 8 year old, and I am setting a bad example which will affect her, but I can't help it. I can't. I really want to stop doing this. I want to stop yelling without thinking. I want to stop hurting people. I don't need you to tell me how horrible I am for doing this, but rather ideas on how to stop doing this. Please... Help me?
I do tell them when she hits me, but they just give her a little slap on the wrist and say don't do it again. I guess I just took things into my hands when I started doing that stuff to her.

[Thomas]

If she is hitting u she needs to b hit back ... but no not by u ... tell ur mother or father about what she does.

[bubula]

You aren't horrible, sweetie. People don't do things because they're "bad"--they do things for reasons. I can't be sure, but one possible reason you hit your sisters is that your parents may have punished you, physically, for the same behaviors you are seeing in her. A big red flag went up for me when I saw that they give her a slap on the wrist. It makes me think they may have done the same with you, or worse, spanked you or grabbed and pushed you the way you grab and push her. In any event, they have not taught you how to handle anger. They may not know themselves.
Do you have a favorite teacher that you trust? An aunt or uncle? Maybe a best friend's parents? A school counselor? You really need to talk to somebody besides your parents. Tell them you're growing up and have realized that you want help in fixing some issues you have with anger. Honestly, just talking about this is going to make you feel so much better. You'll realize you're normal and smart and that you really are growing up by wanting to relate to people in healthier ways.
When you better understand yourself, you can begin talking to your parents about this, and grow up even more.
Very best of luck, hon.

[wallflower]

I agree that it's not good to let things get physical towards your sister. It's common for children to behave like your sister. Do your parents know that you struggle with these anger issues? If not, I would explain it to them in detail. A good idea might be to get into some kind of sport or hobbie that allows you to blow off steam in a healthy way. Karate, boxing, soccer, swimming, etc. Something physical that takes away your physical energy and gives you a different target to channel your emotions at. Also, whenever you feel the urge to hit/push/touch your sister, walk away immediately. Even if you have to punch a wall or scream into your pillow. If things continue to worsen, I would seek professional help. Now I know that no kid wants to be doped up or see a a shrink, but honestly, they know better than you. If you are unable to control your anger to the point where you hit people, then you need to explore your options to help this matter. Some kind of therapy or counseling can easily be found. You could attend anger management classes. Be mature in this. Best of luck.

[SFE]

Well to be honest, it's not your fault that your 8 yr old sister is a brat.
Where are your parents? They should be aware of her behavior issues and should be raising their children.

Pushing her away/up against a wall after she hits you (probably as hard as she can, trying to hurt you even if she can't) is a reasonable reaction. I feel like I would do the same thing lol (not saying it's the best way to handle it, but it is understandable).

Now, forgetting about your sister for a second.. it's a very big step for anyone to admit they have a problem or they need help, so GOOD FOR YOU. If you think you need some help with 'anger' or controlling your emotions there are a few options for you:

You can ask your parents if you can talk to a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist to help you out.
You can ask your family medical doctor for any advice/help he can offer OR for a referral to the proper professional.
You can speak to counselors at your school.
You can look up (on google, or facebook/other social network) local support groups (people who feel like you do, that they have some trouble controlling anger etc.) where you can be surrounded by people who understand what you are going through and who can offer their experience/advice.

Back to the brat...
You need to speak to your parents about her.
Stealing? It is absurd that an 8 yr old girl is stealing, your parents have clearly failed.
Stealing from family is a disgusting habit that a little girl should not already be forming, and if she doesn't learn right from wrong she won't have a very successful life in the real world.
Hitting? 8 years is old enough to know right from wrong. She has to know hitting is wrong, bc if she did it at school she would be punished. She SHOULD be punished for hitting at home.
Seriously, are you raising your sister alone? Because it's astonishing that any adult can allow this to happen.

Tell your parents when your sister steals/hits, and they should punish her for it.

You could go to/call the local police station, ask if they could help teach your sister a lesson with you...
If you can bring her in or if a cop can come to your house for her "stealing" from you, and a police officer could "scare her straight".

My dad had a police officer scare my sister into wearing her seat belt (I wasn't born at the time, but I've heard it many times) bc she would often refuse/fight and take it off while they were driving. She still remembers that day every time she gets into a car, and I've never seen her without a seat belt.

If you parents refuse to punish her, I honestly have no idea what else to suggest... maybe YOU punish her.. if she steals from you, you take something of hers and hide it somewhere she can't access it. if she hits you, take away her toys.

Do you have your own bedroom? If you find yourself getting frustrated, go into your room/lock your sister out.
Depending on weather and where you live, you could go for a quick walk or go to the park just to calm down (it works for me sometimes!).

Raising your sister and making sure she turns into a decent human being isn't your job, your parents need to raise the children they brought into this world.

This is exactly what is wrong with the youth today...
their parents don't give a crap about them, they don't teach them manners, values or rules and then they expect the rest of the world to put up with it..

If your sister doesn't get punished, she won't learn the lessons she needs to to be a decent human..
This will affect her for her entire life..
She won't have good friends (maybe some trashy friends who steal)..
She could get herself into a lot of trouble behaving this way with people OUTSIDE of her house, she might get beat up, badly for trying to steal from the wrong person or for trying to push around the wrong person..
She could go to jail..

Do your parents not care about her future at all? Where are they?

Maybe you can call Children Service/Childrens Aid, bc your parents clearly shouldn't be allowed to have kids in the house.. you and your sister depend on them, and they are letting you down big time.

[dina]

you are not going to burn in hell. you need to manage your anger better. When you get angry, just take a walk, cool your head and ask yourself is getting angry at her worth it? is it going to fix the problem? no. is it going to make her like you? no. just think before you act, if you start using logic you'll calm down.

[758]

“Let Go if Anger and Abandon Rage"
The idea of controlling your anger is beautifully expressed by the Bible psalmist David. He said: “Let go of anger and abandon rage; Do not become upset and turn to doing evil.” (Psalm 37:8) The way to avoid saying or doing something that you may later regret is to keep from getting “heated up” in the first place. Of course, that is much easier said than done. But it can be done! Let’s consider three ways that you can get your anger under control.

Reduce Anger's Intensity
To reduce anger, slow down and relax. Try to avoid saying the first thing that comes to mind. If you feel yourself getting overly excited and feel you are in danger of losing control of your emotions, apply the Bible’s counsel: “Beginning a fight is like opening a floodgate; Before the quarrel breaks out, take your leave.”—Proverbs 17:14.

Learn to Relax
“ A calm heart gives life to the body.” (Proverbs 14:30) Applying this basic Bible truth can improve one’s emotional, physical, and spiritual health. Start by learning simple relaxation methods, which help to reduce feelings of anger. The following techniques have proved to be effective in combating stress-related anger:

● Breathing deeply, which is one of the best—and fastest—ways to reduce the intensity of your anger.

● While breathing deeply, repeating a word or phrase that is calming to you, such as “relax,” “let it go,” or “take it easy.”

● Immersing yourself in something you enjoy—perhaps reading, listening to music, gardening, or some other type of activity you find relaxing.

● Getting regular exercise and eating a healthful diet.

Adjust your Expectations
You may not be able completely to avoid the people or the things that act as anger triggers, but you can learn to control your reactions to them. This involves changing the way you think.

People with very high expectations tend to have greater problems with anger. Why? Because when someone or something does not measure up to their high standards, disappointment and anger quickly follow. To combat this perfectionist mentality, it is good to keep in mind that “There is not a righteous man, not even one.” (Romans 3:10) Therefore, we set ourselves up for a sense of failure if we think that we or anyone else can be perfect.

We are wise not to expect too much of ourselves or others. The Bible says: “For we all stumble many times. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man.” (James 3:2) Yes, “For there is no righteous man on earth who always does good and never sins.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20) So if we pretend to be something that we are not—perfect—it will lead to a life filled with frustration and anger.

As imperfect humans, we all get angry from time to time. But how we express our anger is a matter of choice. The apostle Paul cautioned fellow Christians: “Be wrathful, and yet do not sin; let the sun not set with you in a provoked state.” (Ephesians 4:26) Yes, by controlling our anger, we can express our feelings in a positive way, a way that works for the benefit of everyone involved.