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Laney · 05-09-2014, 11:18 AM

I am adopted and never had the typical adopted symptoms ( not feeling like you belong, depression, not having a happy childhood) but I just started wanting to know about my bio family. I did tons of research and found info and facebook profiles. I friended my aunt and sent requests to my bio mom and sister using a fake profile. I am just scared to make contact. On my adoption form my bio mom wrote that she loves me and wants the best for me but then wrote when asked, that she would want to contact me not vice versa. To me that means she just never wants to hear from me. I however fell like I have some sort of right to find out about myself. I am probably never going to do it but what would you do?

Delk · 05-09-2014, 11:22 AM

She will be delighted to meet you. So, take the plunge and make the contact. You are doing this for you and for no one else. Kids NEED to know these things.

Shaylee · 05-09-2014, 11:33 AM

If it were me, I would try to sen her a message on Facebook. Explain everything that is happening, tell her that you didn't want to interrupt anything in her life. I don't mean to be rude, but she might have made herself a life. She might be in trouble. She might be super invested into her work. There might be a really good reason why she would want to contact you first, instead of you contacting her. All I would like to say is that you make sure that it's okay with her. Maybe you can ask another family member that is close to her if it would be okay to contact her. Hope this helped! And I hope you find what you want!!

Destiny · 05-09-2014, 11:35 AM

I would just to see where and who you came from see what she is like this dosent mean u have to call her mom or tell her everything that goes on in ur life but I would be nice to know her

Mum · 05-09-2014, 11:47 AM

I gave my daugher up for adoption. She is your age now. I personally would love for her to contact me. However- each situation is different. Speak to your parents about it. Do so with discression. Feel out the situation. Yes, YOU DO HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW HER! I have very strong feelings about that YOU ARE HER DAUGHTER. No a calmer note. If it is not the right time to contact her now. Simply wait. Things are not always as they appear. 18 is around the corner. I wish you the best luck.

anonymous · 05-09-2014, 11:59 AM

If I were you I would NOT wait. I would want to make contact immediately. Just get it over with! You want to know the truth, even if you don't like what she has to say or even if she doesn't want to talk to you, it is better to find out NOW. You still have a few years of childhood left, don't wait.

woollysheep · 05-09-2014, 12:01 PM

I am one of 5 siblings, brought up together, but not biological siblings. We had 5 totally different experiences with biological parents.

I suggest the first thing you do is talk to your adoptive parents. Let this be a project you all do together. Whatever you do - don't make contact with your bio-mom on your own.

Being a teenager is difficult - without the added difficulty of adding a bio-mom to your life. I know you must feel like you are mature enough to cope - believe me, a few more years will really help. I am not accusing you of being immature - but any preditor will see a teenager as being a victim. Your bio-mom may be the most wonderful person - but you don't know!!! My friend's bio-mom looked perfect on paper - beautiful, a string of good qualifications, incredible talent, a long and supposedly happy marriage, a leader of a number of voluntary projects with the poor and needy, an important member of her church .... and so on. She met up with her, and beautiful bio-mom went on to destroy my friend's life.

So don't rush into anything. Of course you want to meet her - some day. But let you adopted parents take charge of this. Perhaps they could write to bio-mom and tell her that when she is ready, you are all ready to make contact - so long as it is controlled by them. You never know what might happen - you might find a new friend, but you might not. Be patient. Don't get your hopes up. And it could be wonderful.

Oh, and the "typical" symptoms of adoption? Not true - most adoptions work well - we just hear about the ones that don't. Most of those people would have been even more unhappy/depressed, etc. if they had not been adopted! My siblings and myself all came to realise that!