Trust in a relationship?

[Monica]

I have this great boyfriend, we've been dating for just about 2 years now and have our future planned out together, the thing is I'm so afraid of losing him or of him cheating on me. Last December, a month after our 1 year anniversary he left me for another girl he "fell in love with over facebook." He wasn't at all sober the entire time, he was using drugs for the entire duration he was with her. but he saw me (pretending) to be getting over him 2 weeks later and left her and came back to me and quit the drugs. He genuinely knows now that it was a complete mistake and in his own words said he almost ruined his life. Looking back on it I say "Wow, if that happened now I'd tell him to enjoy a life of STDs with that girl and move on." but that's so much more easily said than done. Anyway, we're back together and perfectly fine but that turned in to an intense fear, hatred, and mistrust of a lot of the female population. When I see a girl trying to flirt with him I take matters in to my own hands and will curse her off myself. He always deletes all of his facebook messages for whatever reason but I know he isn't cheating. He just doesn't do that, he would leave before he cheated. He lets other girls know we're dating and it's on our facebook pages. These events occurred about a year ago, why am I not over it? I actually sometimes catch myself flashing back to things that occurred during the time he was with her. Also this isn't a middle school or high school relationship, we're extremely serious. Is it normal I'm not over it yet and what an I or he do for me to trust him completely again?

Also this isn't a facebook or long distance relationship either, it may have come off that way but it isn't.
I don't want to dump him, if something like that happens again I definitely will never get back together with him, but I don't want to just give up and I still want to have a relationship with him. We're in college and want to graduate and get married.

[gemineye]

Dump him.

He left you once. He'll do it again in a heartbeat.

[James W.]

It sounds like you might need some professional counseling to help you with your concerns. It's often available for a low fee through health insurance.

[enojoying7]

Forgive him but keep yours eyes open and don't curse the bitches out tht flirt with him you shouldnt hav to fight for whats urs in the first place if he loves u hell b with u if he doesnt hell probably fall for one of them

[Tom]

If there is no trust there is no relationship, YOU have to figure out if you can ever trust him again, if you cant, there is no point. if he is horrible to you also, leave... women deserve to be treated with respect. that is one thing i have learned

[The ?]

HI

Send him packing and there should always be trust in relationships and if there is no trust than there is nothing to the relationship to keep it strong between 2 people .My very good advice to you is don't let him back into your life kick him out of it for good .

[Jay]

The reason you aren't over it is partially because you don't fully trust him yet and without trust there is never going to be a long lasting happy relationship.

Unfotunately you cant just say 'damnit of course I have forgiven him' and expect your mind to follow your heart. They are two completely different animals. Your heart is longing to be with someone you love. Your mind is the voice of reason. Thats your defence mechanism kicking in trying to warn you that if it happened once it could happen again.

If I were you I would sit by myself for a few hours and be completely honest.( It doesn't matter what you tell anyone else). Ask yourself these 2 questions.

Will you ever TRULY forgive him for his betrayal? and
Can you look yourself square in the mirror and bet your life he wont do it again?

Unless you can answer yes implicitly to both then you and him have zero chance of a future together. I'm sorry but that is how I see it.

One very important last piece of advice for you. Never plan out your life when it involves another person, because you cannot even with the best will in the world legislate for the behaviour of another living soul.

[Lizzy]

It's completly normal that you haven't gotten over that yet. I had a reallybad break up over a year ago and for example, today in the shower, the majority of the time I realize I was reminissing in all the times we had together and all these moments that I could have done differently. I'm not crazy, and neither are you. I say stay with him is you really love him. I would however keep your eyes open for any future drug encounters, and good for you telling you to leave your man alone. Sometimes men need a reminder that your the best their ever gonna get and you won't let them forget it And the fact that he did that to you is something that you probably will never forget. As long as he loves you and you know that than thats all that matters. But don't settle, because you deserve the best there is and this guy should give you everything and more, or else he's not worth it because he's not worth having you. So don't dump him, but be sure to keep him on a strict leash. I hope it works out for the best for the both of you