Dealing with an overprotective mom!?

[594]

I have overprotective parents, I know they love me and they want to take care of me, but sometimes I feel like it is extreme. I'm 14. I am not allowed to wear short clothing or crop tops which I understand. I'm also not allowed to wear extremely skinny jeans. Leggings/yoga pants can be worn with a long shirt/sweater which means I don't need thongs (for no underwear lines), which I wouldn't be allowed to use anyway. I get this stuff, they don't want me to look like a total slut. Just last year I was finally allowed to wear bikinis. Also my parents are very protective when it comes to socializing. I'm not allowed to sleepover, I'm not allowed to go over to peoples houses without their mom calling/emailing. I'm not allowed to go to unsupervised parties. Basically there has to be supervision everywhere. I want to go to the mall with my friends but either she has to be there or some other mom does. I get they don't want me to get hurt but it's keeping me from having fun. Whenever my friends want to make plans I complicate them so much because I need their mom to call mine, I need parental supervision of some sort. Oh and my parents don't really drive much and so I have to ask for rides. My mom gets stressed out when people come over because she feels responsible so I can't do anything at my house. When I cancel plans with my friends they go with other and put pictures on Instagram and I get sad and jealous. My overprotective parents are keeping me from socializing and having fun.
I would like to know how to talk to them, not yelling, just kind of explain. I have gotten upset before but they don't really care. Just because all your friends do this doesn't mean you should. I understand where they're coming from but I feel like I should have more freedom. I'm rarely able to socialize with my friends outside of school. I don't want to "rebel" I just want more freedom to be a teen.

[barthebear]

The situation you describe is only temporary. You are fortunate to have caring parents. Most parents do not care as much, are uneducated about safety and the problems existing with alcohol, drugs etc in people your age. If you think your parents re strict; watch a tv show the Duggers. They are more strict. AND their children are truly excellent-just as you are. Dont let peer pressure get to you.

[Richard]

That is annoying.
Maybe you could show your parents the pics your friends put on Instagram and tell them that you cannot be with your friends because they are overprotective. Maybe it will change their minds.

[Pearl L]

maybe you should go live with your friends

[flingebunt]

One of the basic issues at your age is the pull from the desire to have parents to look after you while also the push to be free. No matter how much freedom you get the more you will want and the same you will still want your parents to support you.

Probably your parents will get more flexible about what you do in a few years time. Maybe you are a little bit behind your friends but not so much behind that you can't catch up.

So just keep pushing the envelope, so each time seeking a little more freedom.

[Tim]

That is all called peer pressure. So basically what you are saying here is your parents are being good parents, if more parents were like that there would be less babies having babies. My 14 year old grand daughter has the same problem, maybe if you talk to them more maturely eventually they will lighten up a bit, until then you live under their roof it is their rules. They are being what is called responsible adults and should be commended for the good job they are doing. hang in there things will eventually lighten up and maybe more so when you are 16. Sometimes things are for your own good.

Love them for what they are doing for you and for loving you enough to make sure you are safe

[Bob]

"I hope you won't mind me trying to give a fathers viewpoint. My daughter went through some of the same rules you describe, though I must admit we didn't seem to have the issues you seem to have. Never, at any time, did I make up rules to prevent my daughter from having fun. My only thought was to keep my daughter out of trouble, alive, and not pregnant until she was of legal age. After that, she was going to (hopefully) rely on common sense and the values I taught her.

My daughter experienced sleepovers, both at home and away. When my daughter slept at the home of a friend, I always made sure an adult would be there, and I always relayed my rules. She didn't go to a lot of parties, but I always made sure a parent or responsible adult would be there. You have to understand- the concern isn't always about what YOU will do. Sometimes, it's about what OTHER people might do. I insisted on knowing where my daughter was going...not out of distrust, but because if there ever was a time she didn't come home, or came up "missing" I had a starting point where to look for her. If your parents ever need to get law enforcement involved to find you, they need more than "I'm not sure".

I insisted on meeting any guy my daughter dated. Thank God she picked decent guys. I'm not saying she never got in the back seat of a car with a guy, and I really didn't worry about that- but I wasn't worried she was hanging out with someone who beat up on her. I know this must sound overboard to you, but when I recall how one of my daughters "ex" female friends was almost fully introduced to prostitution at 16, by a "boyfriend", I think I did the right thing.

Can I offer a suggestion? Have to tried to ask your parents about more specific activities other than "hanging out" at the mall? You have to understand that your parent(s) go to the mall, they see what goes on when kids roam free, and sometimes what they see is not good. Again, it may not always be about what you will do- sometimes it's about what others might do. Some of the groups of people that wander many of our malls are NOT there for anything good. The Mall Of America in Minneapolis, Minnesota, deals with that issue all the time. Hanging out at the mall, just like many other things we once enjoyed, is not what it once was.

Now to get to what your friends get to do versus what you get to do. You have to understand that some friends will get to do all kinds of things you can't. Some could probably get away with coming and going whenever and where ever they want. It may sound inviting, but it may not be as wonderful as it sounds, and it can easily backfire. Perhaps if you give the impression you want to work WITH your parents to keep you and your friends safe, they will ease up a bit- but it may take time. You said you are 14, and you are still a bit young to expect your parents to let you run your own show. I know it stinks, and I know you hate it. I don't blame you. I was 14 at one time, and I fought it more than you are. Try to hang on for 4 more years- then you get to run your own show. Until then, you may find they will ease up a bit as you get more toward the magical age of 18.