Should I be offended by someone's ignorance about my OCD?

[Jackie]

I just started a Zoosk profile, and I've been getting messages from several guys. I've been talking to them all, and one in particular is kind of getting clingy and annoying.

He seems like a very sweet guy, but his behavior is almost stalker-like. He's Indian, and this has been my experience with Indian guys who grew up in India and then moved to the US for school - they generally get very attached very quickly for no real reason, and are talking about marriage within the first conversation (I'm not racist - my parents are Indian and I grew up in the US). We had a few minutes of uninteresting small talk, and he talked about how he really wants to meet me. He lives 300 miles away and is talking about traveling here.

He asked for my phone number the first conversation, and I naively gave it - big mistake. I also gave him my facebook profile URL, and saw that he was not the same person in his Zoosk profile picture - he is a nice-looking, but short and skinny guy, while the picture on his Zoosk profile is some Indian athlete or male model. That was two days ago, and he has now called me three times (I didn't pick up). He has messaged me multiple times on both Facebook and Zoosk and asked if we could talk. He will first say "hi" and then again "hi" an hour later, followed by "are u there?" after 30 minutes, and "can we talk" after another hour – and this has happened multiple times over the first few days, so the he’s sent a total of probably 20-30 messages without a response. Yesterday, he asked if we could meet for Valentine's Day - I have never had a date on Valentine's Day and really wanted one this year (I'm 29), but with someone I really like. This guy I mostly just feel sorry for.

In an attempt get rid of him, I told him I had OCD and have a very hard time leaving the house (this is actually true and why I started online dating in the first place – I typically downplay it with guys I really like). I haven’t left the house more than 5 times in the past year because it produces too much anxiety – only when I really wanted something enough to deal with the anxiety did I leave, and going on a date with this guy is not worth that. He didn’t know what OCD was and Googled it, and he asked if we could video chat. Then, the first thing he asked was whether I have had sex before. I was shocked that he would ask this, and he continued that if I have a good sex life, I will be healthy mentally and physically. I said it’s not that simple. He responded that he doesn’t think my OCD is a big deal, and he thinks if I have someone who loves me, “it will fix ur ocd.” Then he asked why I’m so scared to meet him, and he said if I didn’t want to leave my house, he could come to my house. I was pretty annoyed at this time.

First of all, I don’t want to give him my address – I feel like I already gave him too much personal information. And second, it feels like a slap in the face that he would say my OCD is “not a big problem” and it will be automatically “fixed” if I have a boyfriend and am having sex. I have really struggled with this for over a year now, it’s kept me housebound and prevented me from living any sort of life whatsoever, and then this outsider who hadn’t even heard of the condition until just now has the nerve to tell me my condition is not a big deal and that having *him* in my life will fix it. Because I’m that stupid, right? That I didn’t know that all I needed to get better all along was a boyfriend. Recovering from OCD takes a lot of hard, hard work in the form of Exposure and Response Prevention and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy – it’s not something that will just *go away* when I have a boyfriend.

On the other hand, I know he meant well with his comments – it’s more stupidity and ignorance than actual bad intentions I think. It’s actually kind of sweet in a weird way. Should I be offended here?
@blood - What the hell are you talking about? I clearly said that I told him about that problem to get rid of him. And as for admitting I have the problem – I don't feel ashamed of my OCD, and I shouldn't have to. And you are an idiot for telling someone to "get off your ass" when you have no understanding of the situation – I've actually been working very hard to recover from my OCD. You are unbelievably stupid and ignorant, worse than the guy I'm talking about.
@blood - again, you're not even reading what I'm saying. I am in therapy and working very hard, not just sitting around. You clearly know nothing about OCD and have no business talking about it. Recovery is a slow process, not something that happens overnight. And it is not a "weakness," it is a legitimate medical condition. I'm not "complaining" but working to fix the problem every single day. And I'm not using my OCD as an excuse for anything - I am genuinely trying to get my life back to normal. That doesn't make me weak, it makes me strong. Probably a hell of a lot stronger than you will ever be. You can lecture me all you want, but you haven't been through this. And I'm betting if it ever happened to you, you would not be able to handle it HALF as well as I have.

It's not "strange" - it's a symptom. The ignorance about mental health issues that some people have is truly disturbing.

"You said you downplay it w
with guys you like and you used it as an excuse for this guy. That tells me you're embarrassed of yourself but you still use this OCD in your mind to say its ok."

You're not very intelligent, are you? I downplay it with guys I like not because I'm embarrassed, but because it's not the first impression they need to have of me. I have no reason to be embarrassed. And I was really just saying that to emphasize that I WAS TRYING to get rid of this guy, in contrast to the guys I actually want to see.

"Know you're place sweetheart."

I do know my place, and it's above that of someone who doesn't even know the difference between "your" and "you're."

[Bianca]

Well, first of all, blood is either an incredibly ignorant person or a huge troll. Either way, you don't need to be listening to what he or she has to say.

As for the guy, I wouldn't really hold it against him. I know it's hard to hear something like that, and it is very ignorant, but you probably understand, being Indian yourself, that this is not a culture where mental illness is really understood. You say yourself that this guy had to Google OCD to even have any idea what it was, when most Americans have at least a vague idea of what OCD is from pop-culture references. He just doesn't understand.

But at the same time, I would say that the fact that you're offended and disturbed by his comments means that you should know, even more than before, that this is not the right guy for you. You posted about this guy earlier this week, how he was constantly contacting you and would not seem to take the hint that you are not interested. Now, he's not only overbearing and clueless, but he's incredibly ignorant about something that has actually had quite a big effect on your life. So really, whether his intentions are good or bad, it's just not a good fit.

I would just tell him that you met someone else and you can't talk to him anymore. You could try to educate him about OCD, but it probably won't do any good, and honestly, even before he made those comments, you were already not interested in him. Just stop wasting your time with him so you can find someone else.

[LolaCorolla]

His behavior is concerning on many levels...not just about his attitude regarding your OCD. He's pushy, deceitful, extremely narrow-minded and short-sighted, and frankly, he already annoys you, so it can only go downhill from here. Yes, you should offended...enough to cut communication with him ASAP.

[All hat]

I wouldn't be "offended" by his "ignorance". He really may not know what it is all about. You can't blame him. I'll bet you don't know some things too that others deal with. It's ok.

But, if you want him to lay off, you have to say so. You can't expect him to read your mind and quietly take himself out of the picture. That's unrealistic. Be as nice as you can about it, but tell him what you need of him, such as that he leave you alone.