I have no close friends?

[Jesse]

This is not a self pitying post, more of an "is this normal?"

I am 27 and don't struggle to chat to people and make friendly acquaintance in social situations. I usually have people I really like at any given time point in my life - e.g at school then uni then at various workplaces. However, I never seem to strike up close enough friendships that last once these life phases end. For example, my best friends at university have moved on with their lives and tend not to feel the need to respond when I message as they're now both engaged and living with their partners. I can understand this - times move on.

When I'm not in a relationship, I have no one close and tend to have light hearted friendships that extend to occasional nights out in large groups. The older I'm getting, the more I'm worried that I may have social issue. My Facebook is litered with people who think I'm nice, but who I guess aren't really my friends outside of bigger groups. Is this normal, should I be worried?

[Lauren]

its fine, be your own best friend.

[TTYN]

Keeping friends is simple: you need to seem irreplaceable. You should be the friend that person wants/needs in their life, but not every person is looking for the same thing. Some want a person they can talk to, some want a person they can have a good time with, some want someone that keep them grounded. Pay close attention to the people you meet and try to decipher what kind of friend they are looking for. Now the question is, what kind of friend do you want to be? Because you should never force yourself to be something you're not. So figure that out and go scope for people that need someone like you in their life(an I'm sure someone will).

[David]

First of all, yep, you're normal, not buttering you up/telling you what you hope to hear, but you're more than normal. Its a b!tch, but when you are involved in groups (like we are all led to believe are the golden grail, or can't help having some involvement with), REAL friends are extremely hard to come by, unless you give your soul over to the group dynamic. Some people can do that very easily, but they jump on the first boat they can find and then a series of other boats as soon as they can after those break down, while most of us being unable to look at "what is wrong with us" don't see that we are walking, you see these boats will keep on breaking down forever and everyone will be happy to be on these boats but the people who are walking are always walking alone, but if they stop listening to all the "reality" coming from the boats, they will not just get to the end of the line one day but they will be comfortable with who they are. As soon as all the people "comfortable" with the boats have problems, they will be cut adrift and left to deal with problems on their own - which will be hard because everything they believe is "good" is on the boat. Few people can stay on the boat forever, most fall off, or have some bumps, and as soon as they have the latter they become negative and entitled, and when they have the former they become extremely bitter.

Look Shortie, I'm a loner, everyone is afraid of depressed, they hate being alone not just because they may feel depressed but because we are "told" it is the worst possible way to be. There is a secret, while all these people are on the boats all of their lives "like they are "told" to be) the people walking by themselves by foot instead of being on the boat start to find some things that the people on the boat will probably never ever get, despite all the "great" things that are on the boat to bask in. The people walking get to know who they actually are, once you get over what you "should" be like, it's really damn awesome. You not only start to visualize your dream life but you get really damn comfortable with who you actually are, and the people who have been "great" forever, they really don't look so great anymore. So, it's a long time Shortie, there are many things to get used to, things happen for a reason and everything links up, but when you get that piece of mind and you know who you are (and here is a big clue: You will find out you already knew who you were), it's really beautiful. So it's right you do ask questions like this because you are questioning against yourself, which most people only do kicking and screaming (believe it or not), but when you start questioning the things you aren't "supposed" to question, there you find all the answers you are looking for. You have to find the right questions, and you already have the answers, they are just buried under the "important" facts of life you have picked up/had drilled into you. Stay the path, by 28/29 you could be ready to take on the world, and have no insecurities or fear, except for the only things you should really have that stuff about, like attempted murder and such. You "learn" to be insecure/afraid of all the things you are afraid of, mark my words. Two rules: 1, as Lauren said, be your own best friend. That is only sad sounding because it has been twisted to be sad sounding, but with you loving yourself and having your support you can achieve anything on this world. 2, and these overlap the entire time, instead of looking at your life and realizing "life is short", it is very very VERY long. You can only get to find the answers to the questions and find out what those questions are by being your best friend, and telling you this TRUTH and not listening to this myth, despite it being a "truth" to many. You are 27, let's say you live until you are 90, that means so far you have lived 9,855 days, and you will live for 32,850 days. This means you have a WHOPPING 22,995 days to get to where you want to get to. It won't take nearly that long, but time is far from running out. You can't argue with truth, but keep it to yourself or else you'll be hurled with stones by the oh so "confident" people out there that hurl around "life is short" and other such tropes. It is a romantic notion at best, to make you feel all warm and cuddly inside when things are going right, but it is a pendulum that hangs over everybody elses head the other 99% of the time, it is one of these "truths" that have a sinister hidden subtext, to keep you either just collecting statuses you "should" have or make you feel like there are things wrong with you for not getting those things. You have as long as it takes, slow down, be your best friend and remind yourself that life is long and not short, and that that is a really great thing (time is on your side), there is a lot to reacquaint yourself with regarding the parts of you that you abandoned out of social duress, give yourself time to find those things, and learn to love yourself and such. When you do all of this stuff (no time limits or deadlines, you are you and you love yourself, and you will gradually learn just how much and be prod of yourself), you can find the love of your life, do things you love, meet friends who love you as much as you love them and though we all get busy, don't forget your friendship. Love yourself, and then you can truly find things you love and love others - who deserve it!