In Schreiner University, thinking about suicide?

[Nihar M.]

I thought that going to college would be a great experience for me, and I was really excited last year that I passed high school, and moved on to college. Several public colleges picked me up, but they didn't really interest me, and I didn't want to be involved with those type of kids, so I chose a small private college in Kerrville, TX. It looked great, so I thought everything would turn out great.

Upon entering, The people seemed nice, and they seemed to welcome me, so I started out okay. I was placed in almost a "newcomers?" group, (it's been a long time, I don't even remember the point of ACE anymore, but they seemed nice, however, eventually became cliquey and shut me out. My first friend was a latecomer into the ACE program and also felt out of place, and we became friends, but eventually she left because she got homesick. I had made another friend around this time, and she stayed a bit longer, but dropped out in January due to a mental breakdown.

I have three female friends left, two male friends, and my roommate who I have to come back to every afternoon playing video games or watching TV on max volume. I have to walk everyday to the library in the freezing weather or rain to get some quiet time to work or time for myself. I have so much work, I don't have any time for myself. The professors I've had enjoyed giving boat-loads of work, half with no purpose, and I have to struggle to complete it just for a high grade. I managed to pass last semester with B's and C's but almost failed.

Due to losing several friends, I have become a more physically close person, and prefer females over males, since I grew up around many female childhood friends. Apparently, since I have grown older, I'm 20 now, and have not taken very good care of myself, grew from 144 pounds to 180 pounds, but now rapidly shrunk to 157 using FDA approved Garcinia Cambogia, I'm not the same well-loved guy I was in 2009. Some women have accepted my close personality, but others are treating me like a rapist. I have been reported seven times, and I'm at risk of dorm arrest. I have done no sexual actions, but they have labeled them as such to get me in a bad place. My parents don't take my side, and think I'm turning into a monster. I nearly attempted suicide on January 24, 2014, but stopped myself.

I'm now required to see a counselor every day, and I feel like a lunatic going. The director of student services is required to go with me to counseling, and sometimes other places to make sure I don't "do" anything. I thought I would have friends by now, because it usually takes me a year, but I guess I don't. I had discovered a new unit of measurement of song position called "Elapsed Beats" and I recently used that to give myself a purpose in life. It seems to be working, and if I fail college, I hope I can use it to fall back on.

I go home every weekend and break, and I enjoy it, because I know, that once it's over. It's back to hell. I've tried to hold on to close friends for support, but I keep losing them.

I have 3 years left. A lot can happen in 3 years. I've tried joining clubs and organizations but don't fit in with any of them.

Please help before everything I love is gone?

Nihar

[Pookyâ„¢]

You poor thing. My heart breaks for you.

If you can start over again, I think you should withdraw from this university, and go to another one that you were accepted to. Start life fresh all over again – give yourself a new chance, just like all of us deserve. Whatever you have done in the past, don't look back and torment yourself over it.

Re: being reported. You may have approached these girls awkwardly, and it may have been misinterpreted. You may have looked to these people like an odd young man who did not fit in with them. You may either have tried too hard, but what is done is done.

I am glad you are seeking help. But I do think, as a school nurse, you would do better if you were some place else that you have no bad memories of the past.

When you start over again at a new university, focus mainly on your school work. When you have new friends, think of it as the bonus. I was in the United States Air Force many years ago, before you were born, and I was assigned to three different bases – I did have a few very good friends whom I still am in touch, but I did not have what are so-called nowadays Facebook friends (i.e. a hundred "friends").

Best wishes

[ThenameisSlick]

Please hold on, I can't tell you much, but a video I will link below will help you to deal with what your going through by a person who was depressed and suicidal his whole life for being made fun of that he was ugly or fat, but he soon learned how to deal with it, and this is what he thinks you should do, may not be the best thing to watch, but at least just listen to the video, 11 minutes won't hurt, plus, the video really helped me think. And I think it might help you

[Prof. Cochise]

Very small college in the middle of nowhere, Texas. You need to go to one of the state schools. You will find other people there who share your interests.