Should I forgive my dad?

[Aqua Peterson]

I'm gonna have a little rant here.I've never really been close with my dad. He's on the computer ALL the time, and he's going back to college so he's always studying. I used to think he didn't have a life and that he really DID spend all that time studying and working on computer programs. About a year and a half ago, I found out that I was wrong. My dad was at school that day, & my mom & I found poems he was writing to female teachers. My mom was upset. after she left the office, I got on the computer, looked through is files (I know, i was snooping, but I was curious about this "father" of mine cuz i didn't really know him at all. You know you'd do the same) I found out that he liked this girl who was 30 yrs younger than him, & she is only 2 years older than my oldest sister (disgusting right?). He was writing her poems and saying he "loved" her. He stated many times that he had a family, but he would leave us in a second if it meant he could be with her. I found out that he'd gone on walks with her, and that she ended up blocking him on facebook ( I would too if i were her, whatta creeper). You know that terrible feeling you get when you find something out that you really didn't want to know? Yup, I had that, I felt like i was gonna throw up. I told my older sister, and she told my dad at work that we found out and that if he didn't tell my mom, we would. My dad got home and said he needed to talk to me. He said I needed to mind my own business, and that if I told my mom, my sister with special needs would go to a group home, and that my little brother would go up for adoption because it would be the end of my parent's marriage and my mom wouldn't be able to support our big family without him. So for 6 months I had to pretend like nothing was wrong. I avoided my dad at all costs, because I felt like I would blow up if I didn't leave the room. With the new knowledge I had about my dad not giving a crap about my siblings and I, and especially not caring for my mom, I noticed how much of a jerk he was. When I saw him being mean to my mom it was even harder keeping my mouth shut .(calling her stupid, ugly, or making fun of us for being Christians, etc.) Sometimes my dad would scare me and make me feel threatened. When it was my mom's birthday, he was supposed to take her to a movie. He didn't want to take her, so he asked me if I wanted to go with her. "No," I said. "Why?" he asked. "I just don't want to." Then he got all in my face and was pretty much yelling at me saying, "I think you're lying, I think you don't want to go because I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO WITH HER!" "Or I just don't feel like going anywhere because it's the weekend." Then he stormed away. In November, I was getting ready for school one morning & he started screaming at me telling me to clean the bathroom because my sister threw up. As I was doing so, he was calling my mom swear words. Afterwards he drove me to school. In the car, he said that if he didn't start getting respect from me, he was going to look for it somewhere else. "You can't get respect unless you earn it first" i told him. A week later, he was screaming at my brother and I for some stupid reason. After he was done being angry, he said he was sorry but he was leaving because he was gonna tell my mom finally about all the crap he was hiding from her. He was living at my grandma's for a while. Visited us for Christmas, which was awkward. He called me a month after he left saying he was sorry for putting me in the middle of it. THen we got into a fight because he was saying that he was sorry he wasn't gonna be able to be there for me as much. I said he never was "there" anyway, he was always on the computer. "That's because I don't have time, I have school and studying," he told me. " Oh but you have time to write poems to some girl until 2 am," i replied. He answered, " I can't change the way I am." That was it. after a few months, he moved back in with us, but he still lives with my grandma during the week to save on "gas money" while he's at school. When he IS here, he's always on the computer so I don't get why he even is here. What's the point? Anyway, whenever he is here, I get really mad, and all of this anxiety and anger bottles up inside of me and I try to stay away from him as much as possible. It seems as if everyone else has forgiven him. He doesn't seem to have changed and i know he doesn't think what he did was wrong. So it just bothers me. Am I just being extremely dramatic? Is this something stupid for being mad about? I know I should forgive him, But I don't know how to get rid of this anger I feel whenever he's around.

[katie2008]

WAY too long of a post!!! Retype and make some paragraph breaks.

[Kitty Kat]

ok Im going to try and answer this quick for you. First off tell your mother everything even if he did tell her tell her again. maybe print off proof and make copies of them. Maybe have a family meeting but leave your father out and discuss the options. Whether to kick him out, the results of that or to let him stay even though he wont change at all, but he will be willing to leave you all.

You all deserve better then that. Maybe if you decide to just see a professional and they could give you advice as to what would happen if your mother got a divorce. She could get benefits and support and your father would have to pay to help look after you.

But I think its up to you, as for forgiving him you have a right to be angry with him, but if your anger is becoming too much talk to your mother about it. Let her know how you feel, it could very well give her what she needs to deal with this, such as courage to take action.

[JustinBieber]

Hey I read it all!

First- Tell your mother, and someone like a guidance consular kids help line etc. Then tell your mom while he gone about everything its not fair you know and she doesn't shes the mom right! anyways as soon as you dad moves out and all the Drama happens, just call guidance consular tell him/her he left, or the police or kids insurance and your wealth, healthiness and happiness will return, I'm sorry you have to go through sweetheart but it will all be over and you have the right to be mad at him what he did was unacceptable and deserves to have he's consequence
Good Luck! <3
Best of wishes

[Chelsea]

No not at all your dad cheating so of course your going be dramatic