Can someone please proofread my essay?

[rene33]

Should Teens be Banned from Tanning Salons (rhetorical analysis)

In “Should Teens be Banned from Tanning Salons”, Diane Baker describes how dangerous tanning beds are for the human body, Baker also tells why teenagers feel like they have to go tanning. “Every day, more than one million Americans, including many teenagers, use tanning salons. In recent years, the numbers have continued to rise despite the known risks, which include premature aging, age spots, wrinkles, and most significantly, skin cancer” (Baker, 2008). In “Should Teens be Banned from Tanning”, Baker uses her knowledge of tanning beds, in hopes of preventing skin cancer and other diseases in young adults by speaking to the community and telling them that, what they think makes them “beautiful” may actually be killing them. On the opposite side of the argument Hacker argues that the government should not play a role in our personal lives. By reviewing both sides of the argument we can make an informed decision on whether or not teens should be prohibited to use tanning beds. Although tanning beds may be killing thousands of individuals everyday do you really want the government telling us what we can and cant do in our personal lives?

Baker begins her essay by explaining that there is no such thing as a “safe tan” by stating that, “The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services says that U.V. radiation, whether from the sun or from artificial sources such as tanning beds, is known to cause cancer” (Baker, 2008). Baker goes on to explain that more than a million new cases of skin cancer will be diagnosed this year in just the United States alone, and that individuals who do use tanning beds before the age of 35 actually have a 75% higher risk of developing melanoma, which is the most deadly form of skin cancer (Baker, 2008). This is why the World Health Organization wants to prohibit anyone under 18 from using tanning salons. Baker goes into saying that we should put restrictions on tanning just like tobacco and alcohol but no matter where you look on facebook or in your community you see individuals under the age of 18 getting drunk and smoking everyday! Just because there is a law on something doesn’t mean its going to stop teenagers from doing it, if anything it will just cause more teens to get in trouble because they will go against the law to get what they want.
Hackers argument on why we shouldn’t ban tanning beds

In this article another individual Senator Nick Hacker gives the opposite argument of Baker. Hacker starts out by saying that North Dakota set restrictions on tanning beds last spring, that prohibits anyone under the age of 14 to use tanning beds, and anyone between the ages of 14-17 to have a notarized permission slip from a parent (Hacker, 2008). Hacker doesn’t agree with these rules at all he states “I oppose this new law because restricting teenagers’ access to tanning salons is an unreasonable level of government interference in the lives of young people”(Hacker, 2008). Hacker goes on to say that we should educate all of our young people about the dangers of tanning and then they can go on to make informed decisions for themselves without being told what they can and cant do. Because just like I said before teenagers know the dangers of smoking and drinking and the age limit for it but they don’t care because they just want to get out and have fun with their friends. Teenagers believe that tanning is what makes them “beautiful” and as long as they believe that, no matter what laws are set out its not going to stop them from doing it. (Hacker, 2008)

Should the Government be able to control what we do in our own lives, or what we do to our own bodies? Would you want a communist country, Where the government controlled what you do every single day? In my opinion if you banned tanning it would just be the start down a path that could allow other unconstitutional laws and freedoms being stricken from the American population. I agree with Hackers argument because I do not believe that the government should have a say in what we do in our personal lives. I think that as long as we educate teenagers of the dangers of tanning salons than they should be able to make an informed decision. I also believe that parents play a huge role in this to because parents should know the dangers of tanning as well and they can put restrictions on their own kids rather then the government doing it for them. Although Baker has a good point that by prohibiting the use of tanning beds to minors will save thousands of lives every year. I just cant get over the fact that the government should stay out of our personal lives. I do believe that all tanning salons should be required to put warning stickers on their doors so that teenagers know the dangers of tanning before they do it; just like how alcohol and tobacco have warning stickers on their packages.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe Baker and Hacker both have persuasive sides in this essay in terms of changing the laws of tanning beds. Baker does a nice job at convincing the audience that tanning beds can ultimately kill you by describing the dangers of using them. And Hacker goes on to explain to his audience that the government shouldn’t have a say in what we do, and it wont stop teenagers from using tanning beds anyways. Overall tanning may be killing thousands of innocent people everyday but I don’t believe the government should be able to control what we do.

[2fast4u]

I stopped reading after first paragraph as it all looks fine

[Awesome]

Do not use the terms cant and wont because it is a formal piece of work. It seems fine to me. In the first paragraph after the reference I would not put 'should teens be banned from tanning' but rather continue to make my point without the repetition of the title of her work. Dont use 'on the opposite side of the argument' maybe something like, 'contrary'. Also the opening paragraph is good and well informed but I think you are making too many points in one paragraph which is slightly confusing.
After 'would you want a communist country' you have put a capitol letter on 'where'.

You have good content and is well informed.

Just saying what I would do. Hope I helped!

[Kirha]

Proof read your easy with this online tool
http://thejano.com/Embedded_Editor.html
Just copy and paste your text. It will proof read it in seconds.
But to see the areas where the text needs to be corrected you are required to register.