Married but very lonely, any support groups for this that aren't about hooking up?

[Phil B]

I'm a 33 year old male, I married my wife 4 years ago and things have slowly went down hill and we've grown apart. She suffers from depression and bipolar disorder among other things and would just rather stay in the bedroom for the majority of each day, every day. She misses family holiday events and seems disinterested in pretty much everything.

I do what I can to cheer her up and be there for her. I go in often to check on her, I take care of our son most of the time on top of working 50 hours a week. I do the majority of the house work and what not and most days, I don't mind. I know depression is hard, I know a chemical imbalance isn't anyone fault and I don't fault her for it at all. I try to be as understanding as possible....

But I'm really lonely. We have sex once a month if we're lucky. She says she has no sex drive but I know she watches pornography so it stinks knowing she has some drive but she's just not interested in me maybe, I dunno. Anyway sex isn't even about getting off to me, I just miss sharing that bond with her. We do things sometimes and when we do, she seems to have fun. She tells me nothing is wrong and to her the way she acts is totally normal, she doesn't see how much shes slid backwards into the world of being totally anti social. Her parents have talked about it and they don't understand it either.

Anyways, I'm pretty lonely. I work hard and when I'm not working I'm raising our son and maintaining our home. I love my wife and am not looking for anything that would break the sanctity of our marriage but I am looking to reach out to like minded people or those in similar situations, sort of like a support group in a way.

Are there any places online that offer such things? After searching online I couldn't find anything that wasn't something along the lines of adult friend finder. I just want someone to talk to, someone who maybe understands and someone whom can be there for me and me be there for them to help them though those rough times as some times are worse then others.

Anyways, I've prattled on long enough. Thanks for taking the time to read.
I've brought up to her perhaps seeking help other then medications, such as seeking counseling. I asked if she wanted to go together or maybe just by herself, whatever she thought may be more comfortable or beneficial to her but she gets angry anytime it gets brought up or talked about for any extended period of time.

She's been though a lot in her life, everything from abuse to being used by people, shes struggled with alcoholism (she was sober for 2 years but within the last few months has had a few drinks, nothing serious though...but I worry.) I want to be there for her and her family has tried to be as well but she pushes everyone away. It's very sad because I don't want her relationship with our 3 year old son to suffer, which it's showing early sings of. (he wont do much of anything for her and will for those of us that are active in his every day life.)

I wasn't on here to sing my own praises, God knows I'm not a perfect individual. I went into
Again, I've tried fixing it internally for a long time now, it's now time I look to other avenues to try and figure things out. You can only drive down a dead end street so many times because you turn around and find an alternative route to get to your desired destination. Which for me is both helping her as well as myself and our family as a whole. Right now though I'm so worn down I need to help myself at this point before I can be of any help to her.

[CJ@ATL]

look up td jakes marriage commitment on youtube

[?]

*Laughs*

Gimme a break! There are all sorts of support groups for people who live with a spouse dealing with depression.

If you wanted to help your wife, and yourself, you would not be discussing your sex life and how great you are at picking up her slack online.

You're really not fooling anyone. God, how selfish of you.

[Liza2]

Have you tried NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness)? I have a close friend who developed Schizophrenia as an adult (talk about an unlucky chemical imbalance in the brain!) and she volunteers a lot of her time there when she's well. They have MANY support groups for family members...and for those suffering from mental illness, too.

Also, you can create your own group on sites like facebook. I have a chronic neurological pain disorder and I wanted a support network so I found other people with my illness via national groups and local organizations and invited a few until we had a nice group going.

And as a side note...Have you shared your lonely feelings with your wife? Have you told her how much it would mean to you if she had sex with you more often? How it would make you feel loved and close to her and less lonely? She may need to hear it from you as she can't read your mind.

Best wishes to you both.


P.S. I forgot to mention earlier: When you create a group on fb, you can designate it as "secret", meaning that others outside of your group won't be aware of your group's presence or what is posted there. Or at least I believe that's the terminology/way it works. If/ when you create the group you'll see your choices.

[K8]

It is always surprising to me how often people look outside a marriage rather than inside the marriage by working to make changes and fix things with their spouse.

All marriages have ups and downs, sometimes these can be huge. These types of things can strain a marriage to almost breaking. These are the times spouses need to look to each other, not to the outside. And it is not in any way easy, it is hard dang work and the marriages that come out the other side are STRONG.

[Sarah]

One common problem that happens is this. I have been there and done that. You have to figure out what it is first that is destroying your sex drive. If your on medication like birth control or anti-depressants that is something to think about and do research on. Other then that it could just be stress, maybe the kids, really anything that makes your life stressful can do this and lower the libido.

One thing I tried that seemed to work while I was doing it was exercising. I just felt sexier doing it which kind of boosted my libido. However it wasn't the best solution for me. My friend told me about these herbal enhancers that are made from natural herbs and don't cause any side effects besides having wild sex. She said it's the female version of viagra. I had to find out.

I would always have a weak orgasm too (if I had one at all), which after trying this sex enhancer, it boosted them tremendously. I don't get multiple orgasms but I've had plenty since being on these herbs. It's seriously like the best vibrator ride you've ever experienced. These things make me horny all the time, some days I don't even take them because the urge is just too strong.

Don't try out single herbs because they don't do it like the blend of herbs these scientists and researchers pick out. I've tried a couple of them by itself and they did crap. The stuff that I'm on is called Hersolution, at the time I saved money on it at herenhancement.com . Make sure you get the 3 month supply that way you fall under the guarantee/return policy if the herbs don't work for you, you can return them with no questions ask. I bet they will work though and you won't have any problems. Also if your on medication of any sort, check out the gel because if your like me, you wouldn't want to swallow any thing that might react with the medications your already on.

Well have a good day and hopefully you solved your problem.