How do I deal with an ex-friend who is starting rumors to harm my name and marriage?

[Noor]

I had a friend who I was very close to for a few years. A few weeks ago when my husband was in the shower, he left his macbook and I went on his facebook and email. I know that I shouldn't have gone on, but I was curious. I saw that she had sent him a lot of flirty messages and a comment about how she thinks he's interested and I'd never know. He responded and said he's not interested and doesn't do those things because he's married. He didn't respond back to her and they're not friends on there anymore.

I didn't say anything to him because I don't want him to know that I was on his Facebook. I know its wrong but I was feeling curious and I've been hormonal/insecure lately. I'm working on that so please no comments.

Anyway I canceled plans I had with her for the next week and told her I didn't feel well. After that I blocked her on Facebook and started avoiding her calls/texts. I didn't know how to confront her because I was really mad with hatred and I didn't want to overact or do something I'd regret. When around mutual friends, I'd plan things without her or make other plans if I knew she will be there. I didn't want them involved and didn't tell them what happened. I didn't tell her husband either which I wanted to but got over the extreme anger which made me want to do it.

Yesterday she confronted me and wanted to know why I'm so distant. She acted like she is my best friend and completely innocent. I finally told her what happened and why I am distant and don't feel like I can be her friend anymore even though before I thought of her as a sister. She denied the entire thing and said I am making a mistake.

Today, I have some friends contacting me to tell me she said I am having an affair against my husband and she thinks she should tell him and they're warning me because they are looking out for me. I never had affair or cheated on him. I love him too much for that and I'm sorry I read his facebook messages and emails. I can't believe she does this to me to hurt my name and marriage. I didn't tell her husband or anyone in the group what she is because I didn't think it was my place even after what she did. When I finally told her the truth, I thought she will leave me alone not do this.

How do I deal with her? Should I just tell my husband what happened to get screenshots of what she did to show everyone?

[Point]

You should tell your husband that you know about her emails to him, that you confronted her, and now she's trying to ruin your marriage.

I think both you and your husband should confront her in front of her husband. Show her husband the context of the messages, and then tell her that if she utters one word about you or your husband, that you will have your attorney draw up a cease and desist letter, and if she fails to adhere to it, that you will be suing her in civil court.

[Another Crone]

Ignore the fact she breathes. Hear nothing of what she's said. You don't deal with her because there simply is no reason to do so. Just tell your husband, shake your heads together, give each other a hug and don't let it have any effect on your lives at all. When mutual friends try to kick up the dust, tell them that you aren't interested in playing and that your life is already full... no room for that stuff. Done with it.

All bugs try to give one last bite before they curl up and die.

[terry Simms]

Tell your husband that your friend goes both ways and is a bit of a sexual wildcat and has started coming on to. Tell him that you are only interested in him and that no one else no matter the sex interests you and that you would prefer to have nothing to do with her as she has been coming on a bit strong and she makes you feel a little uncomfortable.
The other option is that tell your husband your friend told you she had sex with your husband and you did not believe her for one minute and know she can be a bit of a troublemaker sometimes.
Either of these options gives you the excuse to get her out of your life, thats the best thing get her out as she is trouble with a capital T.
Do not under any circumstances tell your husband you read his face book he will not be impressed and you may bring yourself more trouble.
]

[Jayme]

U need to tell if hubby. He will probably be angry (understandable) but u can work thru that. Make sure he knows u r sincerely sorry and won't do it again. Work to earn his trust back and the two of u can take care of her lies together. Good luck!

[ISee]

This is like a bad movie.

The only thing that makes sense is to come clean with your husband.

Let me tell you a story about something that happened to us. As improbable as it may seem, it's a true account of what happened.

My wife was a very pretty girl. She told me when one of the guys at work started hitting on her. In those days, her staff used to go to a local pub each Friday after work, and she would go too. Back then, we only had one car, so I would drop by the pub on Fridays after my day was done to pick her up.
The Friday after she told me, I went into the pub and sat with the guy who was hitting on my wife. When the group at the table thinned to just the two of us, I said to him that I understood his interest in my wife... she's knock out gorgeous... but apparently totally honest with me about his advances. I suggested that it'd be fruitless for him to continue trying, but I was complimented by his interest.
He was flabbergasted by my honesty.
We became good friends.
To my knowledge, he never stopped flirting, yet never crossed the line either.

If you are really serious about your relationship with this man (husband), you have to be honest and totally truthful with him.

If he is angry that you "invaded" his privacy, deal with it.

I suspect that knowing what you now know - that he turned down an affair for love of you - regardless of how you found out, will trump any other difficulty that comes as a result of your honesty. He deserves some special treatment from you for that loyalty and fidelity.

As for your affair-seeking friend, I'm not so sure that I'd be as kind to her as I was to my wife's suitor. But that situation takes a back seat to your relationship to your husband. Deal with him first, then some time later, talk with him about how you (as a couple) should deal with her.

And keep thinking - in the back of your mind - what a wonderful man that you've got. No wonder other women are attracted to him.

iSee