What does this mean in Japanese?

[Reesecups.]

本格的にヤバくなってきたので、投稿。今日は18日。あと一週é–​“で全てを終わらせる！ここに宣言します！

My long term friend posted this on FB but having trouble translating, my Japanese is very mediocre. Help please? Not simple translation but full please.

[David Hume]

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away... Duh DA, duh duh duh DA duh, duh duh duh DA duh, d d d duuuuh

[unknown]

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

[Michiyo]

本格的にヤバくなってきたので、投稿。Honkakuteki ni yabaku natte kita node, toukou.
=I am posting this, because it's getting really awful (situation).

今日は18日。あと一週間で全てを終わらせる！Kyou wa 18 nichi. Ato isshuukan de subete wo owaraseru!
=It is the 18th (date) today. I will finish [it] within a week!