Do I have depression, or am I just fine?

[932]

OK, so this'll be a bit long.

I don't just mope around saying "poor me poor me" all day, and I do try to take responsibility for what I do. But lately I've really been feeling like a failure and a loser. I've started feeling just kind of dead, like I don't really take pleasure in much, and my happy feelings are usually just temporary highs. I've gotten addicted to taking surveys and then using the free survey money to buy movies and music like they're drugs. And I feel worthless and like the future is dreary, even though my parents say I've got hope and good things going for me, but I feel like I don't even though I try and work hard and all. I also feel more irritable and easily annoyed, and I feel like I'm constantly worth nothing and deserve to be kicked in the face. Sometimes I get so angry and down at myself and stressed that I secretly will cuss myself out and strangle myself.

Also, I feel like since my college friends have or will have good jobs, and since I don't have a good job and can't live outside of my parents' house, I'm falling behind and alone. And they're busy, so we can't really talk much except a teeny little bit on Facebook. I've never dated any girls, and even though I try to be self-confident, kind, and fair, I still never got into dating anyone, and no girls got into wanting me, and so when I see so many of the people I know with relationships and marriages, I feel even worse about myself and think I never will be happy or have someone there.
I guess it didn't help matters that I got a history college degree, and even though I tried hard to be positive and put my name out there, I got rejected by grad schools and failed to get hired for any good jobs. And I constantly am beating myself up for getting a history degree even though I absolutely love history and I don't know what else I could do for the rest of my life, and I feel like my advisor basically stopped helping me and all the other history kids at my school.
I feel like I can't really make decisions without lots of flip-flopping and hemming and hawing, cause I'm scared I'm going to make things worse for myself. And sometimes I have trouble reading cause I'll constantly zone out or get distracted.

I REALLY do want to make my life better and I'll work really hard at it, but I feel like everything I love to do is worthless and will never get me anywhere, and I feel like I'll just screw up my life more.
I don't feel entitled or owed anything, but I just honestly am feeling all these things right now. And people around me say I'm a hard worker and smart and all, and so I should feel blessed. But I don't, instead I feel like I'm worthless and that sometimes, I'm just a waste of these skills and a disgrace to my family.

And I constantly worry about the future and every now and then, I get so stressed and frustrated I grip my throat so hard to where I begin to gag like I was choking myself.

[A A]

Yes, you definitely sound like you are depressed. The self-harming behavior is concerning. Your depression could be due to circumstances, but nonetheless, not something you should try to handle on your own. You should seek mental health services and consider taking an anti-depressant, if only temporarily. I have known many people who sought help to get them "over a slump" and are just fine now. I know that is can be difficult not to compare yourself to people who you view as more successful, but this is self-defeating and non-productive. Sometimes the people we think are the happiest are actually miserable. You will get through this. Please get help!

[Dorothy]

You are just going through a "down" period. I don't think it is a depressive disorder.
You are not doing anything that gives you pleasure. You are smart in that you have identified the areas of concern. Think about getting involved in a group that is dedicated to something you believe in, political, environmental, tutoring, line dancing, hiking, habitat for humanity and on and on there are so many areas. Do something with your hands that will end with a finished product that you can see. Build a bird house. You are worth a lot more than you think today.
dbelllrn

[T F]

I didn't read anything other than the headlline.
No. You're not depressed.
You're just buying in to the garbage that's fed to people looking to make a buck. You know, therapists, doctors, pharmaceutical companies...
Choose to be happy.
Or not.
That's up to you.
But whichever it is, just freaking own it and don't dump your problems on other people.
And you 'can't' live outside your parents house? Dude...you can do whatever you want.
Here's a thought. Save some money and take a trip to a third world country. Go see what REAL problems look like.
Tough love time buddy.
Knock it the F off.
(Oh...and learn how to hike. Seriously. Everyone stands to benefit from being in the perfection of nature)