Should I feel as a slut or used?

[Mel]

well, I just moved to a new city to study and at university there was a guy whom I really liked. At first whenever we saw each other, we were staring each other. It was so obvious that everyone around us realized it. Then there was a party, I didnt know he was coming and there we met. It was really amazing, we talked about a lot of stuff. Then, he added me on fb that night and invited me to another party. After that party, we started to see each other every night, we kept talking and sharing everything, but then all of a sudden he told me that he wanted to talk to me about sthn serious. So we met and he told me that he liked me too much but he had a girlfriend in his country (we are both international stds btw). He said also that he wanted to break up with her and didnt want to either play with my feelings and hurt her girlfriend. I really appreciated his honesty and I told him so and that there would be nothing between us till he breaks up with her even if I knew very well that it would be. That night was in fact amazing because we couldnt touch each other as we knew it would be wrong but we couldnt leave each other either. We just stared each other till morning. However, even though I liked him too much, I wanted to draw myself back because he had a gf! I tried to ignore him and escape from him. But he chased me. Whenever I ignored him, he asked me why, whenever I escaped from him, he caught me and confronted me. I told him that I cannot see him anymore because he has a gf. After seeing each other at several parties, we became closer and closer day by day. And one night after a party, we spent the night together and we had sex!!! I know I am so stupid really, I am so angry with myself, but the gravity between us was so intense that we couldnt help it. But to be honest, even though I feel very guilty and sorry about it, I think I dont regret it because it was the best sex I have ever had! Thats the another idiocity of me! Anyways thats not the case, even though we talked a lot about the guilt that we have, we went on seeing each other every night and spent our time kissing and having sex! However, one night ,the last time we slept together, there was a weird situation. It was like he changed. We had a quarrel about sth, later he apologized me and he did something for me. He told me that noone could make him do that thing but I was the only one who made him do it. Then we started to talk about other things and as usual we started to flirt with each other. He asked me what ı am going to do with him in general (he was asking this question every time) and I said I dont know even if I knew very well that I wanted to be his girlfriend. Then ı asked him the same question and he told me he didnt know either. Then something happened and we hugged each other but after a while he said: dont do this it is dangerous. Hugging was dangerous for him! I felt really hurt. Then because I was angry, I told him that I didnt wanna go on because I felt like as if I was his whore. After hearing this, he became very sad saying that he never said so after me and left my room immediately. I was about to cry that he came back and he said he never said ad thought so about me and started to kiss me. Again we had sex but I was so sad about what happened that night, still couldnt resist. After that night, we only talked through facebook but we didnt see each other again. He stopped chasing me. I was dissappointed so I called him saying that I wanted to talk about us. We took a walk and I told him that I felt terrible because I felt as if I was used and asked him what happened. At first he didnt want to say anything but then he told me that he told everything about me to his gf and they broke up. Because it was his 3-year relationship, he felt so empty now and he didnt want anyone else in his life!!! He found another stupid excuses not to see me again and I felt so terrible that I was almost in tears so I hurried back home. While leaving him, he asked me who else knows about what happened between us, and I said a friend of mine from my country. He said that it was supposed to be our secret, I didnt tell anyone. And those were the last words he told me. From then on, we are not seeing each other again, but I cannot forget him. I told you I am really stupid when it comes to this guy. It is my first time sleeping with a guy who is not my bf so I feel very sad and pissed off. I feel like everything was a lie, he didnt like me but wanted to have sex with me. Now that he wanted only sex, why did he tell me he liked me and chased me for weeks! I feel like I am used and fooled. I just feel like a slut....

[Unluckylace718]

I believe that you are just used...

Good luck!