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I'm 30 and still in the closet what should I do?
06-12-2014, 02:17 PM
Post: #1
I'm 30 and still in the closet what should I do?
I am gay and I accepted my sexuality when I was in high school. I grew up in a very homophobic country where the majority of the population is muslim. Me and my parents are NOT muslim but my parents are homophobic(more importantly not very familiar with homosexuality). I always hid my sexuality and it wasn't that hard as I am not a feminine guy.
I came to the US about 7 years ago but I am still on a student visa. I might or might not be able to get a green card and guarantee my permanent residency. I always had the fear to have to go back to the country I grew up(and I hate that country) and feared of revealing that I am gay. People might say come out when in the US and hide it when/if you have to go back. But it is not that easy in this era when facebook and etc makes everything public so easily. Last summer I came out to my only/best friend who totally accepted me as who I am. I know he would keep secrets perfectly but I never talked to anyone since then. Without having a facebook account and making your picture and yourself semi-public it is almost impossible to have a reliable relationship because people think there is something wrong and I am hiding something.
I have never had any kind of sexual or romantic relationship with anyone in my life. I just turned 30 and I am trying to find an employer who can sponsor my green card. Even though media portrays coming out as an easy process and it is a discrimination not to hire someone based on sexuality homophobic employers can always find a reason to fire/don't hire a gay employee. But if I cannot find an employer who would sponsor my green card I would go back to that hell. I know from my previous experience that many employers check candidate engineers facebook or social media records by just googling so I cannot make it public but it would be almost impossible to find a boyfriend by just looking around having no facebook. US immigration laws are very strict and harsh. My whole life is full or misery and I don't know what to do.

Do you think coming out of closet would be a wrong decision in my situation. I don't know I am strong person but I am scared that life is passing and I have missed many things and now I am 30.

thanks very much for your comments
okay maybe I might be misunderstood. pls ignore anything i wrote about facebook. I am scared of going back to that homophobic country and that prevents me from coming out. I always have a fear that people will find that somehow. that's the point.

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06-12-2014, 02:33 PM
Post: #2
 
Tell them and if they won't hire you kick their *** and move to Spain.
No just move to Spain but call them fucker first ok.

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06-12-2014, 02:46 PM
Post: #3
 
Redecorate.
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06-12-2014, 02:59 PM
Post: #4
 
I've never come out on Face Book. I didn't know we had to.
I've never gotten a date from Face Book. I do it the old fashioned way.
If you wish to date then do it the old fashioned way, okay?
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06-12-2014, 03:09 PM
Post: #5
 
BS, I don't have a Facebook and have never had a hard time finding a bf. If you are then clearly your not putting yourself out there enough.
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06-12-2014, 03:13 PM
Post: #6
 
I'm in a building full of scientists, and there's a couple gay people in my building, and honestly, no one cares! I don't think anyone even thinks about it. Sure, discrimination exists despite the laws, but it's 2014 and I don't think it's going to hurt you much.

I have a good friend who doesn't have Facebook. She just doesn't like it. She socializes a lot, and nobody thinks she is weird. There are definitely other ways to meet guys, through clubs, mutual friends, etc. Or you can just have your privacy settings set really high. No one can "tag" you in a pic, or write something on your page.

Good luck man. You can email me if you want.

EDIT: I would just come out. You only live once! If the worst case scenario happens, and you're back in your home country, you can just say there was some misunderstanding if word got back that you're gay.
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06-12-2014, 03:29 PM
Post: #7
 
I think you're letting the fear that word could get back home you are gay is a little over the top. If there is a chance you have to go back, then don't have a FB account, or just don't use it for any gay friends you have in the future. Don't give people information about people at home. Like keep your FB account strictly for the family to use. So no one here has your home info.

I think there are ways around keeping it from getting back home.
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06-12-2014, 03:35 PM
Post: #8
 
I'm 61 and stayed In the closet I choose to be discreet and private about being gay you can go to the Immigration Office on your own and follow up on your visa and you can ask questions about staying here In the U.S. you don't have to tell anyone your gay your old enough to make your own decision what you want to do your friend can sign for you being responsible for you for that matter even I can you worry to much you can apply also for a work visa facebook Is not a very good site for anything I deleted myself off of It well any way I just wanted to give you a start on what you can do I live In Anaheim California I am an American Citizen I was born In Germany been here since 1954 and applied for citizenship at age 16 the funny thing about It Is I feel sad that I ever became a citizen of this rotten country so any help you need staying here please write me my E-Mail Is mystic_seas92805@yahoo.com
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06-12-2014, 03:39 PM
Post: #9
 
Just tell the one you're having sex with. Lie to the rest. That's what you should do. The Muslim religion is sicker than the rest so they might kill you if they find out so just lie to them, it's that easy. Everything they say is a lie. Everything all religions say is a lie. We're not cave men anymore, we know about why things happen and it's not because of some magic god somewhere so start living life now before it's too late.
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