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Why does it hurt so much?
06-14-2014, 09:57 AM
Post: #1
Why does it hurt so much?
Hi Guys,

I am a female in her late twenties.

I understand the clue is in the word, but is it normal to hurt this much when your heartbroken?

I used to be fairly happy and thought about my future more but then I met my best friend and gradually fell for him as he claimed he did for me, however we both ended it for justified reasons,ones he prolonged and I in my inexperience and I guess naivety (though I was against admitting that) gave in. Now as a result I have somewhat become self-destructive in order to forget the memories.

I was not initially attracted to him, but we grew very close, having conversations written and face to face exploring many subjects, disagreeing but we never argued or disrespected eachother (sounds ideal but it's true) he was basically like family to me. Now I wish so badly that I didn't let my guard down and get too close initially.

He, however, seems to be doing much better, then again he is busier saying that he does think of me but it doesn't effect him as much. I am happy he isn't as hurt even if I am but feeling I was quite easy to get over despite everything makes me feel somewhat worthless & foolish (though I know it was hard for him initially as he didn't want to loose contact). I am trying to move on but I slip back in to this hurtful state when I remember something.

I am not that social, can be a little awkward at times but I try and do things to forget.

I know there is more to life and hate to sound soppy, needy or self centered, it's just a new experience for me & it feels as though I will not come out of this cycle anytime soon. It's been a while say a year and some, off and on speaking. I tell him that it's best we do not speak (parting in peace) and he's beginning to listen.

I sometimes feel as though his feelings for me were less because of the way he acts at times, then other times he acts the opposite. I understand why but it doesn't help. Especially since I have never been hurt in this way and I'm not that young so I've lived.

Nonetheless, I am confused my questions are: How do I deal with this? Is complete avoidance the best option? Please share any experiences and tips on how to get back up and move on. I cannot waste any more of my life, I know this but knowing and acting are different.

Truly appreciate you help guys.
Also I haven't spoken to anyone directly, just hinted on the side when they saw me upset for the first time. I do not have people I can trust with certain information, so please understand.

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06-14-2014, 10:11 AM
Post: #2
 
Cause u feel sad that's why. Sad I feel bad for u.

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06-14-2014, 10:12 AM
Post: #3
 
If the ones who caused the heartbreak could feel or see for themselves how much it hurts it would kill them...you can't truly get over it but when the worst of it goes it leaves an emptiness....love hurts it supposed to...like it's to change your perception of the world around you...it's not easy moving on and the more you talk to him the harder it becomes..it's hurting because you are in each other's lives..you need a break from him..just wish him well and walk away you're stronger than you think you've suffered a year..you can't change the past what your feeling isn't love it's guilt or shame or both...more you look back the lower your head becomes...you got to turn on your heel head up high and walk away....nothing you can do to change whatever's happened..what's done is done...you've loved you've learned you live
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06-14-2014, 10:27 AM
Post: #4
 
Lets look at the positive things, you will find someone else who really loves you. Honey, guys will tell you lies that he loves you. That he understands you, they will act like they are there for you. This is typical, a guy will tell you whatever he thinks you will believe. Breaking up is hard and it hurts. But that is life and not every man you met will be for you. As you get older, you will learn how to pick and choose a man who is for you. Listen with your head not your heart. When I was your age, I met a guy who seemed for me. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for him. I thought he felt the same way. It took me a long time to realize that he wasn't for me. I would cry all the time but one day I realized I was miserable with him. Finally, we broke up and it took me a while to learn that I'm better without him. I would listen to music and laugh. This is what helped me. I love to laugh.
Ivillage.com is what helped me because you can put your thoughts, troubles there and others will help you solve them. Honey, it gets better. You will meet someone who is perfect for you. Someone who won't try to change you.
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06-14-2014, 10:39 AM
Post: #5
 
that's true love, from your side at least..i think both of you are afraid of the commitment, that's why both of you try to act like if you don't care for each other, but, you both don't have full control on yourselves.. and that's the way love is..just a mess, a chaos of contradicting feelings. you say to yourself, if i come closer to him, i will get hurt even more if he decided to leave me one day...
anyway..you will keep on feeling hurt or rejected, unless you talk to him frankly, just ask him, and yourself as well, what do you expect out of this relationship ? he will give you an answer that will put an end to your suffering, but first, you have to answer this question as well, to yourself, coz, i think you have greater expectations than he does, regarding your relationship..
hope i could help...
thanks a lot..
PS...go easy on yourself..
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06-14-2014, 10:53 AM
Post: #6
 
In this situation when you have had feelings for someone that intense it is best to cut off all communication with him. Even facebook or any other social media. Any comunication will just bring back the memories and false hope.

As far as it seeming like he didn't like you as much as you liked him it is not necessarily the truth. Guys in general hide their feelings. He may say thinking about you doesn't affect him much but in reality it very well could. The fact that he still comunicates with you shows he had to have liked you a lot at one point because a lot of guys just leave forever after a relationship.

Spend some time for you. Treat yourself. Often after a breakup you begin to not like yourself, so I advise that you do what it takes to love yourself again. Then slowly get back into the dating game if you are ready. Don't jump into a relationship, just casual dates from time to time and then when you are ready for another relationship take it from there. Best of luck to you.
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