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Is it wrong for me to be mad at my friends for this?
06-16-2014, 05:38 PM
Post: #1
Is it wrong for me to be mad at my friends for this?
My father passed away suddenly about three weeks ago. Tomorrow will be a week since the viewing. I have three good friends who all came to the viewing and they came to the hospital while my family and my father were in there. However, ever since the viewing, none of those friends have asked me how I'm doing. I'm not someone who likes to burden other people with my problems or get all weepy on someone's shoulder and I'm sure they know that, but not even a "how have you been doing" text? It makes me sad and mad. Two of them even texted me about other things (their trip to California, their job offer options) this past week and didn't even ask me about how I'm doing with my dad suddenly passing. The other one has said nothing and he's all over social media, but can't bother to send me a text.

I get that no one really knows what to say during this time, but is it so hard to reach out? Am I wrong to be upset at them? Also, I don't think I should bring it up to them because I don't think I should have to remind a friend to act like a friend. But I also don't want to stay quiet/mad forever. What should I do?

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06-16-2014, 05:43 PM
Post: #2
 
no

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06-16-2014, 05:53 PM
Post: #3
 
u shouldn't be mad at them forever
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06-16-2014, 06:09 PM
Post: #4
 
No, I'd be a little upset about it too. Especially if that is something that you fully expected from them.
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06-16-2014, 06:12 PM
Post: #5
 
You can actually SAY that they hurt your feelings. Don't be MAD saying it; just say it calmly and look them right in the eye.
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06-16-2014, 06:16 PM
Post: #6
 
I agree, they could have checked up on you, that would have been nice. But maybe they were extremely busy, or thought it would be awkward, or that you didn't want to be bothered, during your grieving. Anyway, I don't think you should stay mad, at them, as friends forgive each other.
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06-16-2014, 06:31 PM
Post: #7
 
I'm sorry for your loss.
They may feel bringing it up will upset you and that is why they are avoiding it.
They seem like good friends as they were there for you at the time. People can get caught up in their own lives.
You're not wrong for being mad as you feel you need more support than they are giving you. Why not call them and ask them to come round as you could use some company or something to that effect. They may not realise you are upset and I imagine, as friends, that is not their intention.
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06-16-2014, 06:40 PM
Post: #8
 
First of all, I am very sorry about your loss.

No, it's not wrong to feel that way towards your friends. Unfortunately, what you're describing is very common; friends offer their condolensces, and then it feels as if they've abandoned you. I believe you're right; they probably don't know what to say or do. It's awkward. Maybe they're afraid that they might be reminding you of your grief if they were to call you up and ask how you're doing.

One approach might be for you to reach out to them. Treat them the way you'd like to be treated. Call them up and say, "Hey, I was just thinking about you today..." It might take them by surprise, but maybe, just maybe, they'll get the hint. Please don't hate your friends for what seems like a lack of concern and compassion. They probably just don't know what to say or do. Maybe they don't realise that you would welcome their company. Maybe if you reach out to them, they'll realise that you can handle, and would welcome their company.

Best wishes
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06-16-2014, 06:52 PM
Post: #9
 
No, you shouldn't be ma about your friends. I bet you they aren't asking you how you have been doing because they probably haven't experienced a tragic loss in their life. I recently lost someone in my family, and all my friends who haven't lost someone in their family don't even bother to ask how I was doing. The only one who asked me was the one who had a tragic loss in her life as well.

This happens only because they have experienced the same stages of grief as you may go through. If you want one of them to talk about it with you, I would just stay quiet the whole day so that one of them notices that you need to talk about your feelings and let it all out.
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