Toxic Cyber Bullies?

[684]

Two years ago I was teased at school for making a typo on a paper that this popular girl read. It made me mad, so a few friends talked me into writing her a nasty message on FB. I was in the wrong, I've accepted that and I've forgiven her for what she did. I apologized later that night anyways. But the girl got super offended and left FB telling her close friends what me and my friends had done. So I stood up and took all the blame, it was my fault anyways, and tried to protect the friends that had talked me into writing the message, from all of the other chick's friends that ended up verbally attacking me online... for eight months after I had sent the message...

I deleted my account, made a new one that only people I trusted would ever know about. Two years into the future (so modern day, as of now) the chick I had messaged and I still go to school together, but nothing has gone down physically since the FB incident, it was all online. But I watch this girl as she passes in the hall, or when she is in my class, and she has this toxic personality around her. It's all "woo's me" stuff, and her depression seeps into everyone close to her. Sure they seem like they are having fun, but I feel so horrible not for this chick, but the people around her.

Up until I had little problem with it, she just always pissed me off since two years ago. But some old friends of mine (and new ones that I only talk to online) have found out about this chick as of the last few months. They've all gravitated towards her, think she is amazing, and are all in the crowd with her depressed groupies. None of my friends that hang around her know what happened two years ago, or at least, the fact that I was involved. They know what happened, just that it happened to this chick and that someone had done it. My friends aren't talking to me as much anymore. Actually, hardly ever. This happens every time I seem to become a little happier with life. This girl pops up and just, everything falls back to pieces.

I don't know if you would call this cyber bully stuff, but she knows my FB, but not that it's me who owns the FB. That said, she kind of has her fingers in everything social that I have built for myself. I don't know what to do anymore. Obviously I can't approach her and tell her who I am, she'll end up bullying me without a doubt. Or playing "woo's me" again. Everyone is blind to how toxic this girl really is. What do you do with that kind of person?

[Kitty]

Ugh, that's horrible.

Unfortunately there's not a lot you can do with people like this. If you try and tell your friends what this girl is really like then you're going to look like the bad guy.

I'm in my early 20s. Last year a horrible girl I work with attacked me on a staff night out. I had damage to my teeth, cuts to my hands and chest- there was blood everywhere and it was in front of 5 people I work with- they all saw it was unprovoked (I was actually facing the other direction otherwise it would have been much worse). Long story short, everyone who was there took my side because they knew I didn't do anything and this girl has a history of violence (she put her ex-boyfriend in the hospital and also beat up a friend's cheating husband). I didn't have to bad mouth her because everyone who was there knew what happened.

Two weeks later- the girl that did this to me lost her job and was charged with a criminal offence. People started feeling sorry for her. People started asking me to drop the charges- the horrible girl threatened to kill me, actually attacked me and had told people who weren't there that night that I was 'asking for it'. I wasn't going to drop the charges especially because she'd only ever attacked men before and none of them pressed charges (they were so embarrassed). Everyone deserves a second chance but she's had so many and never changes.

At first I was annoyed that some people were feeling sorry for her, I was the victim after all. Then I realised, there is nothing I can do about that. If I go on about why this girl is nasty and shouldn't be trusted then I'm going to look bitter and mean.

This happened about 9 months ago but a few weeks ago she attacked someone else. This time it was someone who was friends with her! It was a horrible thing to happen but it proved the point again that this girl is violent and irrational. Yet again, some people are making excuses for her behaviour but others are seeing what she's really like and staying away from her.

My point is, the only thing you can do about this is change your behaviour. You can't stop this girl from being involved in your social life and you can't stop your friends from being friends with her. You obviously know this chick is bad news but some people won't be ready to hear it, and maybe they never will be.

You seem mature, smart and kind. People will gravitate towards that and even though right now your friends aren't talking to you as much things will work themselves out over time. Some will see in time what sort of person this chick really is and avoid her. Some will see it and not care. Some will see it and make excuses for her.

In the meantime is there any clubs or social groups you can join outside of school? Do you have an interest in something unusual? Anything will do- computer programming, art, sports, history, upholstery, sun bathing, cooking, drinking coffee, going to museums... I can only think of really random examples but if you can find something new and different (preferable away from the computer so you can meet people in person) then you'll form new friendships completely away from this toxic chick. At least then you'll have a group of people (or even just one or two) who you can hang out with and not have to worry about this chick's influence.

I don't think there's an ideal solution to this but I hope this helps.