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Bianca · 06-23-2014, 04:40 PM

I recently started talking to this guy on OkCupid. His initial messages were comments on my profile and how pretty I looked in my profile picture. I guess I glanced at his profile and didn't respond right away - it was 2 in the morning and I was about to go to sleep. So then when I didn't respond after 30 minutes, he sent another message saying "okay not interested I take it." I thought this was over the top, but I messaged him back anyway, and he actually seemed pretty cool. So I gave him my phone number and we started texting.

During maybe the second conversation, he asked if I had a boyfriend - I thought this was weird, why would I have an okcupid profile if I had a boyfriend? Then, he said "you probably don't go for white guys, do you?" (I'm Indian). Again, I thought this was strange - if I wasn't interested in him, why would I have given him my number? He also asked if my parents wanted me to bring home an Indian guy. Every time he has brought up the topic of us hanging out, he has used some variation of "if you ever want to".

He has also called himself a loser for not having a lot of hobbies, and talked about how dumb he felt for getting a bad grade on one test. When he asked for another picture of me, and I said I look like crap and you wouldn't want to see me right now, he said that sounds like something he would say.

He's a really good looking guy, too - great hair, chiseled face, really buff with a six pack. And he's smart too, doing a neuroscience degree. I'm wondering what he has to be so down on himself about. The one thing I don't get is that if he has such low self confidence, why he has so many pics on Facebook, many of them shirtless. I am notorious for having low self-confidence, and I barely have any pictures on Facebook â€“ the ones that I have are mostly just my face.

Does it sound like he really has confidence issues, or is that possibly just the way he talks? Or some other explanation?
@Eclipse - I disagree with the idea that he wouldn't be on a dating site if he were really smart and handsome and that he would be married. I'm in my late 20s and unmarried, and it's not because I'm not worthy. And I'm on the dating site because other ways of meeting people just haven't worked, not because I'm a loser. I guess it is true that he could be messing with pictures, but I would find that out very quickly if I met him and he looked like a different person.

Bittertooth · 06-23-2014, 04:50 PM

I take it you are really not interested <<diet>>.

eclipse · 06-23-2014, 04:56 PM

If that's really how it is, I'd stop talking to him. Self-pity is one thing people do to...eh...lure others in to being their friends or more. I was immediately suspicious reading this, so stop and think- if he's that smart and handsome, why is he acting so angsty?
He doesn't have a self-confidence problem, otherwise he wouldn't be posting pics of himself shirtless. That right there shows he is confident and egotistic.
Another explanation is all of it could be a lie. Photoshop, stealing pics, ect could be what he's doing, because you really don't know who's behind the screen. Plus, isn't it too good to be true? I mean, someone that smart and handsome would probably be married, not on a dating site.

Darkphoenix1 · 06-23-2014, 04:58 PM

Hey Bianca,
if he really posts pictures like that he has a lot of confidence,if he is not posting a lot of pictures that kind of means wither he is worried about security or less confidence. maybe he was just bragging about his problems, bragging about troubles have become a topic of conversation these days.

However you need to be careful in these online thingies, don't share pictures so simply with people you don't know okay? Smile

Always be on guard and you guys could meet up if possible in a public place to get to know each other.