To trust or not to trust my boyfriend?

[Carol]

My boyfriend and I (both 21) have been together for almost a year and we really used to get along.

Well, on to the issue. I knew he had been commenting for a few months on a facebook (female) friend's profile with words such as "very sexy", "so, so cute" and even a "joke" comment in which he says "I want to fap!". The girl is someone who he's never seen personally, but who posts a lot of bikini/sexy pictures to her page. They only have the music tastes in common. Appearently they also changed numbers and phoned each other sometimes and texted often. I discredited the situation for a while, until I could no longer ignore it and decided to address it. I asked him about her and his answer was "she's just a facebook acquaintance who added me out of nowhere". Not happy with the response (I have a sixth sense), I decided to add the girl and ask her upfront. I started a trivial conversation and then asked her about him and revealed that I was his girlfriend.

She reacted immediately and revealed that my boyfriend had been after her, that he'd told her he liked her and telling her that what he had with me "just a minor thing" and that I woulnd't mind him being with other women and that he was willing to cheat since he believed he could like two women at the same time. She also revealed that she knew some awkwardly private details about myself - things my boyfriend told her.

I confronted him and he denied everything. Admits to having had long conversations with her but denies all of this and says that it must have been her misunderstanding his words or saying this out of revenge, since she liked him and found out he was comitted. Admittedly she acted sexually towards him, telling him she was naked, asking him out (which he always declined). We had an argument (our first) and he ended up crying, asking me to stay, repeating the same story over and over: it was a misunderstanding, I never told her that, the other girl is a crazy *****...

Days later, I found out that they had never indeed seen each other personally since she passed us by in college and looked at us without a word. Later she texted my boyfriend wishing him "the best" in a rather harsh tone and minutes later texted him insulting his physical appearence and mine.

Note: The girl is very hot and seemingly eager to expose her sexuality/body online. I'm not uglier but I'm physically and intellctually very different. People from outside our relationship often describe me as "the perfect girlfriend". They often tell me people like me are "very hard to find". I do lots of things for him, I'm very sweet. I think am more intelligent and cult than this girl and I have a lot more common interests with him. I can't see a particular lack in our relationship that would make him seek other women (unless her physical beauty, maybe). However, he describes her as 'ordinary' and 'rather dumb'. He acts affectionate towards me and really seems to care for me (eg. when I'm sick). He also seems terrified when I hint that I might end the relationship.
MY MISTAKE: I mistyped it when I said I revealed to the girl I was his girlfriend, I didn't, I pretended to be just a friend. Meaning, she had no obvious reason to make things up.

[Rabbit]

To break up with your boyfriend.

[Yahoo user]

The guy is a liar. He's just terrified that you might end things with him and is trying to "patch things up" so you wont think twice about him chasing another girl. What he did was wrong, and instead of owning up to it, he lies to your face and tries to butter you up.

Tell him you want the full truth of what he wanted with that girl, and that if he lies then he's as good as gone. Let him know that you respect him for more for admitting his mistake and apologizing for it. From there, it's up to you to decide if you want to stay with him or not, because this seems like the type of guy who is willing to play any girl he is with. Not that I know him personally, I am just going off of what you described.

Good luck with this problem, I know it's never easy to deal with things like this.

[PBS]

Yeah, trust is not always something we live by - far from. But so are expectations. You see, the two of you might not have planned the same form of relationship, where he understands it from one side and you from another. It's not like you can look it up and say: "See, it says here that you cannot communicate with another female when we are officially a couple, okay?" But I don't see that's where your problem is.

When we are in a relationship, we have committed ourselves to each other, which includes TRUST, RESPECT, FAITHFULNESS, HONESTY and some other biggies. Where you feel "cheated" is in the TRUST department. So you see it really has nothing to do with this other female, hot or not, absolutely nothing. It has ALL to do with your boyfriend and his break of the trust between you.

You start out the question in a sensible fashion, but you end it with some immaturity coming through which was surprising. As I said, it is not about that other girl, it's all about your boyfriend and YOUR relationship with him, not his with that other woman or your dealings with her.

What you have to figure out is if you can accept and live with your boyfriend communicating to any extent with the opposite sex, and if you allow it, what are the rules? Can you communicate with other men as well, then?

So drop the other girl completely as theret is something bigger to be solved between the two of you.

Read my blog-posts about TRUST and one about RELATIONSHIPS (links below)...

I wish you luck, cheers, Peter

[brainiacATwork]

he's a dick, dump him quick