Insecure/Over Emotional/Paranoid Girlfriend?

[Leo]

Hi

I have a problem with my girlfriend, i love her more than anything & i want to spend the rest of my life with her. She wants the same thing but I have a few issues that I feel we should resolve before we take next step. Now we have been together for almost a year now but we are closer than couples that have been together for years. We see each other every single day & we are almost never apart during non working hours. & NO!, we don't get tired of each other. The issues I have are with firstly her insecurities, She has to know every single person I interact with at any moment she's not with me & on my phone i have my close female friends that I've known all my life, most of then are even married & non of the have any attraction to me & vice versa. some time back I even allowed her to remove all those girls that I'm not close to & that i was pursuing before i met her. i gave her everything, full access to everything on my Phone & even my facebook password. I have since changed it as she was deleting my friends that she didn't like. I also restricted her access to my phone because she kept changing it to the way she liked it & i didn't like that as it make me look like a soppy sorry wimp of man. Its my pride i know but thats just how I am. I always tell her exactly where I am & who I'm with & what I'm doing but she still finds a hundred questions of an insecure girl to ask & recently its been getting to me, i am always honest with her so i don't even know how to make her just trust me. I have never given her reason to mistrust me. It may stem from a past relationship where she was cheated on & her ex got another girl pregnant. i have tried so hard to prove i'm not like that yet nothing changes. Yesterday i went with the youth from my service group for a meeting & my battery died. because she couldn't contact me for a few hours when i did get my phone charged she told me I must come pick up my stuff like a break-up. went i got there she was crying & all the stuff i bought her was lying all over the bedroom floor. It took me a while to get through to her & finally explain but eventually i got through. She basically treated me like i cheated on her for a dead cellphone battery. now another issue is she doesn't like me to get involved in my community work with my youth as it takes a lot of my time. i have cut down but i have made commitments to see a few projects through that i just can't abandon, it's just not me. i have also stopped going out with the guys because every time we go out she finds some issue & tries to guilt me. i do everything that a girl would want to feel secure yet nothing gets better. I have spoken to her about it, Clear & precise, had a few tears from her & eventually she told me she understood. that was some time back but now it seem to have gotten worse. i know she loves me, she's such a good girl in every other way but these issues are pushing me away slowly. She now wants us to get engaged but i don't want to do that just yet a i feel that unless we resolve these issues we will have serious problems if & when we do get married. She has given me a kind of ultimatum to take our relationship to the next level or her family wont allow me to see her anymore. what do i do

[Casey]

Move on she is trying to control your life simple as that

[Lynn V]

Dear Soppy, Sorry Wimp,
So you apparently haven’t spent enough time in Ultimatumlandia, so you want to sign up to marry into it. If you think the ultimatums will diminish with time you are delusional. Every time you cave in to her terrorist tactics, you reinforce her irrational thinking thereby making it stronger. Let’s review: U1 - you have to inform your dear leader every time you speak to, or otherwise interact with, another human being. U2 - When that wasn’t satisifactory, she was allowed to ‘remove’ people from your life that didn’t meet with her (irrational) approval. U3 - When that wasn’t enough to calm her (irrational) fears, she snuck around behind your back getting rid of even more people thatdon’t meet her (irrational) approval, some on the most flimsy of pretexts. U4 - She (irrationally) ordered you to retrieve your belongings and get out of her life when your phone battery died. It took you hours to calm her down and see reason. U5 - You are now to scale back, and eventually (don’t worry, it’s coming) cease all community activities. U6 - You are not allowed to see your male friends anymore. U6 - You will get engaged immediately or you will be gone.
So you see, every time you have given her exactly what she wants, she demands more and more, and the restrictions on your life become more ridiculous. Your way of handling things IS NOT WORKING! It is way past time for you to stop trying to repair a mentally ill person by indulging their most irrational and base behavior. Instead (if you are determined to stay with a person who will fight your need for autonomy at every turn) is to repeatedly, like a mantra, say “you either trust on me on this, or we cannot continue to date.” No exceptions.You are not a small teacup dog that she can carry in her handbag so that she knows where you are every second. People carry those dogs, because that way they control every aspect of the dog’s behavior - much like your gf tries to ‘handbag’ you. Life in Ultimatumlandia is exhausting and completely unrewarding,so ask yourself if it is really where you want to spend the next 60-70 years.