I Discovered my Girlfriend was in the Sex Industry for 4 months of our relationship, WHAT TO DO?

[Ant]

Hi Guys,

I am completely new to this site and wish I didn't have to come on here for answers, but my head is all over the shop with the situation I have to deal with....

I have been with my girlfriend for 7 months, they have been the best 7 months of my life and I would have done anything for her, we spoke about having children and getting married at some point, we get on so well and are best mates, couldn't fault her until I found out a few things.

Firstly, I found out that she had been stripping for the first 4 months behind my back, lying to me each day about where she worked, I found out because I looked through her bag one day as she was acting real suspicious all the time, I wanted answers and got them, she admitted stripping which made me feel sick as she knows I hate woman that do that, but I tried to man up and see the reasons why, she was desperate for money and was helping her family that were struggling and she was in huge debt which she has proved!

Anyway, I have become very insecure since this event and the other day I was on her computer and checked her Facebook messages which is an awful invasion of privacy but I was looking for answers to see if she still done it, what I found just made me feel sick, basically she had not only been stripping the whole time, but she had been giving Erotic massages, including masturbating clients. She tried to cover this up when I confronted her. I know for a fact she has stopped all this now, and she is trying to start a new life, and she is deeply sorry for doing this to me. But I cannot get the thoughts of her doing this out of my head, I have images of what she was doing, all those men being touched etc by my supposidly loving girlfriend, who loved me so much, but if she loved me how could she do this? She did need the money for a genuine cause which I believe, but I just wonder how she can put me to the back of her mind whilst doing the actual job. She said she would never do anything to hurt me

How am I ever going to get over this?
How do I get the images out of my head if I want to forgive her and move on?
How do I stop thinking she may of done more than what she is telling me?
Has anyone else had to deal with this?

Appreciate your mature answers, thanks for taking the time to read this!

[world peace]

Hiv test

[James]

If it's that big of a problem for you then you should probably find someone new. Personally I wouldn't have a problem with it, but whatever.

You could also probably talk her into doing some kinky stuff to make up for it.

[Patricia]

Sorry you let your girlfriend's personal choices affect your life. It's HER life, her decisions.... and i'm sure she was hiding her status of employment from you because she was afraid you'd disapprove.

That being said, I've never been a stripper, but i knew a couple and they made a decent living. Most girls who do this have good reason, such as paying for school, or in your gf's case, paying off bills and helping her family. Whatever, it's an honest living, regardless of who likes it.

She didn't "do this to you"....she did hide the nature of her job, but while she was working, she was doing nothing to you -- she did it to earn a living. Why do you take personal offense to it?

Your thoughts are what is causing all of your questions.... wanting to get over it (when there is nothing to get over), getting images out of your head, losing your insecurities, etc.

She doesn't have you in the back of her mind when she's at work, she's doing her job!

If you never remember another thing in your life, consider and remember this:

It's not our LIFE SITUATION that's the problem, it's OUR THOUGHTS ABOUT IT.

If you'd put the thoughts about yourself and the images out of your head, and stop blaming her for her choices, you wouldnt have a problem whatsoever.

[Mandy]

- i dont think you could ever get over something like this, what she did is terrible because not only she lied to you but she cheated!...i felt disgusted when my boyfriend cheated on me with a girl i knew, i cant imagine how you feel being around her.

- i dont think she deserves forgiveness, its not me being mean but its unacceptable imagine you started killing people for money because "you needed it", we all need money and we ALL could do a million things to earn it the wrong way, NONE of those ways has an excuse.

- about thinking she maybe did it more than she did well, she already lied to you...she could do it again, try not to think about it...it'll eat you alive!.

- no, ive never have any case similar to this one (thank god!)

i dont know if this an advice you would want to take, break up with her! i understand if you dont see this as an option because "you love her and she is the love of your life blah bla" but if you have respect for yourself you'll move on, as i told you, those images and thoughts are NEVER going to leave (or try hypnosis -___- ), they would eat you alive! i still feel hurt about my ex did to me, i cant imagine you. i dont think any human is able to get over a cheating situation because it NEVER has an excuse.

on the other hand i think she may have lied to you in "only" erotic massages, i think she went all the way...stripers of that "nature" dont reserve themselves from sex.

[Moondog]

Personally I would find another girl.