What is going on with her?

[heygirl128]

I just feel a bit down tonight. I feel ashamed to be a lesbian. I feel lonely. I am 21, in college, and a lipstick lesbian. I guess this sort of stems from, well, a 3 years a ago i met this girl one night who she immediately acted extremely nervous around me and she heard i was a lesbian and the moment she heard that she acted extremely awkward and wouldnt say a word, well she ended up wanting to come with me to the bathroom later in the night and she made moves and we madeout and kissed/ cuddled all night. She kept holding my hand as we were walkin, having her arm around me, people thought we were a couple. A guy hit on me later in the night and she told him " No this is my girl, and we arent into boys we are both lesbians" so i figured she acted mega shy to me at 1st because she was freaked out to be gay and be so attracted to me. Well , after that night she avoided me like the plague, i tried adding her on facebook, she denied the request then BLOCKED ME, WOW! so i figured this girl hated my guts. she avoided me for over a year and a half. well long story short, she is back in my life now. She acts very suggestible to me especially at times when nobody is around, one day saw me on campus with my head down looking at my ipod and ran up to me and picked up me, grabbed me so tight with the biggest smile on her face and huggged me, i couldnt believe it. This told me she definitely doesnt hate me. I am just extremely confused though, because when i see her out sometimes, she still will avoid me, not acknowledge me, or even RUN AWAY.. so i am utterly confused. SOmetimes i am on cloud 9, other times i still feel as if she HATES me. She added me 1st on a few websites, and has liked some of my posts ( nobody can see she liked them). I am the only person she acts this way too, my friends have noticed it as well, one time she even asked my gay guy friend where i was, which i found weird since she didnt asknowledge me when she saw me earlier in the night. as well, numerous friends have told me they see her looking at me. i approached her one time when she was by herself and asked why she avoided me and she dodged the question but all she said was " i felt really ashamed and embarrassed". Why would she feel that??? i know she doesnt hate me since she acts very warm to me sometimes, am i right? any input on what is going on in her head?. I have tried to take this down the friendship route and hangout with her, but she wont. Which makes me then think she dislikes me, but then she does some extremely flirty move towards me , but then avoids me or acts very cold to me or awkward or nervous, and i am totally lost. Numerous times i have tried telling myself that maybe she is "straight" and whatever, but then she acts so warm to me, or weird to me, or she calls me " darling" or "hun" or something in a text message which i find odd, considering she knows im a lesbian and she knows our history. I really dont think she is bipolar or something, since she doesnt act all weird like this to anybody but me! If she was bipolar, she would be acting all weird to all her friends and random people.

So, i am just feeling down about being gay myself, and i think this whole situation is triggering it even more, why do you think she avoided me to that extent? why does she act like this? would a true straight person act like this? is it defence mechanisms since she is scared to be gay? Is it her unconscious mind her true desires, when she is all warm to me? but then avoids me because she feels bad about her feelings? have u ever felt ashamed bout something and then acted weirdly to people or avoided them? I dont know what is going on. thanks
- for the few years i have known her, she has never had a boyfriend, and some people have wondered as to why she doesnt really hook up with guys.

[C]

I think it's more her, and less you. Whatever the case is, it seems she is unhappy or preoccupied with something going on in her head and in her life. As a result, I wouldn't be worried about her. Find some other chick that is into you. Someone that will give you the proper attention and affection, someone more consistent, someone...less wierdo!

Let this chick go!