How do I talk to the boy who took my 'virginity'?

[Fukts]

I'm going to be honest.

In June, this guy who I've only seen at school started talking to me, just over facebook. We decided to meet up eventually, and it was perfect.
He called me beautiful and cuddled with me and basically.. treated me like a human.

I guess this is a normal thing to happen to girls, but it's different for me. I guess. 
I don't trust people.. it's cliche but I don't know how else to start the explination. I was raped repeatedly from the ages of 6-10 and it was.. traumatizing I guess. I'm afraid of loud noises. I'm afraid of men. Not completely afraid, not like girls and spiders, but if a man starts to talk to me like he's upset or raised him voice, I just lose it. It's gone to the point where I just.. dissociate from reality ad curl up in a ball.

So this man, named Allan. I felt safe around him. He is literally the only man I've ever felt emotion to, let alone felt safe around. I felt like a person.. I felt ok. I've been on verious medications for a few years for depression. I started to even feel like I was coming out of that.

One day, we drove out to a river on an old road, with no one around. It was a huge field with a cute abandoned house and a river down the hill, like in a book.

He kissed me, and I kissed him back.. one thing led to another and we ended up habing sex, right there, in the back of his vehicle. I know it wasnt my virginity, but he was the first one I gave consent to and felt good doing it with.. I guess, it was the emotion of losing my virginity, not the literal first time though.

After that.. he only talked to me when he was drunk and wanted sex. I went along with him, because I wanted to feel like I was wanted, I guess.

About a month ago, he deleted me off facebook after he stopped talking to me. I approached him a few days later in person and he wouldnt talk to me, he needed to get to football practice.

I sent him a message on facebook, which ended in him denying knowing who I was. and i went along with it, and said I

[NickP]

How do I talk to he boy who took my virginity? He is a typical jerk, that only wanted your body for the pleasure of his penis. Why would you want a relationship with someone who used you and then dropped you like a hot potato after he got what he was after. The thing you want to do is distance yourself from him as much and as soon as possible. There are many other "pebbles" on the beach and of much better quality! You deserve better. Your "prince charming" will come some day. Just don't despair and settle for the jerk that uses you and or just works you in when everyone he is ready interested in , is busy!

[Isaiah]

dont worry about him. move on with your life. he used you

[Nathan]

Fuck that guy, what a dick. Your worth more than just a fuck toy for some smooth talking dick. Maybe talk to your parents about getting therapy for the abuse and such, as for getting other guys: keep yourself looking attractive and deal with the abuse psychological damage. I wish I had more abnswers but this is what Ive got, good luck and ignore that prick, hes just a loser guy looking to get laid

Also if it makes you feel any better I had a similer thing happen to me, not near as bad though. My best friend asked me if I wanted to F his gf and I said yeah of course. It would be my losing of virginity. So then we had sex and after wards she said "thanks, that was fun" and left. Didnt cuddle didnt anything. 2 days after they broke up and she blamed me and neither will talk to me. So yeah not as bad but if it helps to read that others have gotten screwed then here it is. Good luck

[Joe]

are you a guy

[M]

have fun with the baby

it will pop out through your vagina'

bye

[Barcode]

You've been dumped. Go back on your depression medication & move on to greener pastures.
He wants nothing else to do with you. You've already given him what he wanted - now - it's somebody else's turn.

[David]

Welcome return of long lost avatar I see............. Still having the sex change dear?