How do I talk to the boy who took my 'virginity'?

[Fukts]

I'm going to be honest.

In June, this guy who I've only seen at school started talking to me, just over facebook. We decided to meet up eventually, and it was perfect.
He called me beautiful and cuddled with me and basically.. treated me like a human.

I guess this is a normal thing to happen to girls, but it's different for me. I guess. 
I don't trust people.. it's cliche but I don't know how else to start the explination. I was raped repeatedly from the ages of 6-10 and it was.. traumatizing I guess. I'm afraid of loud noises. I'm afraid of men. Not completely afraid, not like girls and spiders, but if a man starts to talk to me like he's upset or raised him voice, I just lose it. It's gone to the point where I just.. dissociate from reality ad curl up in a ball.

So this man, named Allan. I felt safe around him. He is literally the only man I've ever felt emotion to, let alone felt safe around. I felt like a person.. I felt ok. I've been on verious medications for a few years for depression. I started to even feel like I was coming out of that.

One day, we drove out to a river on an old road, with no one around. It was a huge field with a cute abandoned house and a river down the hill, like in a book.

He kissed me, and I kissed him back.. one thing led to another and we ended up habing sex, right there, in the back of his vehicle. I know it wasnt my virginity, but he was the first one I gave consent to and felt good doing it with.. I guess, it was the emotion of losing my virginity, not the literal first time though.

After that.. he only talked to me when he was drunk and wanted sex. I went along with him, because I wanted to feel like I was wanted, I guess.

About a month ago, he deleted me off facebook after he stopped talking to me. I approached him a few days later in person and he wouldnt talk to me, he needed to get to football practice.

I sent him a message on facebook, which ended in him denying knowing who I was. and i went along with it, and said I

[Hello]

You ignore him cause he thinks he's better than you and you don't ever sleep with another boy again.

[Rico Suave]

and you said?

[Drizzy]

You wouldn't want to talk to him. If he were to that he is an ass and only wanted to get in your pants. You seem like a very nice person and it sucks what happened when you were a child and it should never have happened. You need to find another guy. And if he were to come back and talk to you, I'd ignore him because just completely ignoring someone after an incident like that and just act like nothing happened and shit like that, that's messed up. You need a guy that will talk to you whenever. He may have seemed like a nice guy and all but all he wanted was to use you. He is a tool honey. You can talk to him though but you shouldn't. Why would you want to remember the memories of you two and remember that he is ignoring you. You should forget about him and find a guy that will treat you right. Life is a bitch but we all need to play the game before we get to our dreams and wishes. Don't give up though. I wish you the best in your conquest of love and i hope that some other people that comment have the same to say or better. I know you may not like what i say but it's better for you. Bye Bye and Take Care!