What should I do, I still love him...Please help?

[savannah]

Hello Here is the story. It's a little long, but please read it, I really need your help
Two years ago I was the new girl at school. I had the best school year of my life. No drama, I was friends with everyone. There was this one guy I was really good friends with, we used to take extra classes together, he always made me laugh, talked to me, told me I was beautiful and I was always happy around him. He is the popular type of guy, that all girls like and talk about. I started to like him too, really like him, but didn't know if he felt the same way about me, so I never asked. But one day, the last day of school, he told me that he had feelings for me. I wan't really shocked, but I knew that it wouldn't work out because not only was I going to another school (again), but I was going on a trip with my family 2 days later. I ended the whole thing before it even started because I knew that I couldn't be with someone that I could hardly see. We still spoke through facebook and I could feel that he was hurt...and I was even more. I started loosing contact with him over the summer, and when school started, we stopped talking altogether. I used to see him once a week at a place where we took extra classes but we were in different groups. We never spoke. I tried avoiding him as much as I could because I felt hurt, every time I saw him. He made a new facebook, deleted the old one, and never added me. My friends at my old school told me that he is dating another girl, and I'm pretty sure they are still together. That hurt me even more.
Three weeks ago, the first day of school, things got even more awkward because I ran into him. So yeah, he is at my new school now and we have 5 classes in common(I think he had to switch for personal problems) The first class, I was a bit late so I sat in the front while he sat in the back. The next class(we stayed in the same classroom) he sat behind me. I couln't turn around, I just couldn't. Then, at every class, he started to sit behind me. Once, he even talked to the boy next to him about my best friend which I found very strange since they are not friends, and he knows she is my best friend. A week later, he sat at the other side of the classroom and just kept staring me for 4hours. Whenever I looked at him, he didn't look away, just kept on staring. Then I waved at him, he laughed. My friend who was next to me was kind of hiding me and I could swear he pulled his chair back so he could stare at me. He always sat behind me and I never had the courage to even turn around and say '' hey''. I'm afraid he might reject me because he has a girlfriend.
Why does he stare at me? What does this mean? He doesn't even talk to me .I still like him, maybe even love him, but I know I can't go back in time and fix what I did. I feel bad because we were great friends, and I felt like I could tell him everything, and now we don't even talk. I cry at night because I miss him, alot. I wish I could start over, but I know I can't because he has a gilfriend.
What can I do to appear more confident, which I'm really not, not at this point. What can I do to win him back, if its still possible.
A lot of my friends noticed that he looks at me a lot, and that he always tries to get close to me, and they don't even know what happened between us. I miss him..alot. I miss talking to him, laughing with him.
He doesn't stare much a me lately, maybe because he lost hope in us getting close, because I never talk to him. I'm not confident, especially because I have acne..
What should I do? I know I should start talking to him, but I'm never able to, I don't know why. I want to be more confident. Please help me! Please.

Thank you

[anonymous]

Wow long one.
Okay here is the thing:
You obviously did hurt his feelings, but you were hurt as well. It was not your fault that you were changing schools and going on a holiday.
There are two possibilities here, but I cannot say which one is true without meeting him. So I'll just lay them out for you, and you can decide for yourself.
First possibility is that he is hurt, and wants to get back at you. Hence he is trying to make you fall for him again, talk to him again, basically get closer again. And then he's just going to stop talking to you, and being mean at you. That will be his revenge. I've seen people do this, but you know him better than I do, and you said that you were friends. If he is not the kind of guy who would do this, then disregard this possibility.
Second, he still likes you a lot. And would like to talk to you, and even maybe be with you, but can't because he doesn't feel confident. Remember that you rejected him once, hence he might not feel like opening up to you again. His girlfriend might also be a factor in his decision. But if he likes you this much, I am sure that he would prefer you over his current girlfriend.
What I would suggest is that you talk to him. Maybe ask him whether you could get together and talk at some point? Or pull him aside in school, and tell him: "I am really sorry I hurt your feelings. But I was hurt as well. I did not want to reject you, but I had to. I really miss our friendship, and hope that we can be friends again... or even more?".
That speech would help him build up some courage to open up to you again. And since you will be implying that you like him as well, he might even ask you out again.
And if you miss him this much even when you haven't dated him at all, it is definitely worth giving a try. Even if you feel embarrassed, it is better than feeling regret a few years down the road.
And don't worry about your acne at all!! They will pass eventually, and if he likes you, that means that he can definitely see something beautiful in you!

Hope everything goes well!!