My husband won't let me go to conventions, what do I do?

[anony]

My husband is pretty wonderful most of the time. But he and I have been arguing a lot lately over one thing. I like to go to conventions. Anime, comic cons, etc. They're fun. I get to dress up, be someone else for a day, and hang out with friends. He doesn't like that I do this and wants me to stop. This is the only thing I do for fun. I spend a month or two working a costume a little bit here and there, and then I get to go to a convention and wear it and hang out with friends and peers that like the same things I do. I don't go to parties, I don't go bar hopping, I pretty much stay close to home (I do 90% of my work from home even).

He complains that I'm wearing nothing and that a good friend of mine has gotten me into this and because she also wears nothing, that makes her a whore. I wear more than what I would wear on a beach! I am completely covered and one costume even has two pair of underwear that I wear just in case (the skirt is a tutu skirt). I will admit that my friend wears much skimpier clothing than I do, but she has the body for it. I am much more self-conscious and would not go out wearing what amounts to a bikini like other people I have seen at conventions. One of the conventions I went to was a My Little Pony convention...really...how whorish is a My Little Pony convention? I explained to him that this is not new. That I had made several costumes before he met me and it is not because of my friends that I am doing this. This is just the first year in a while that I have had a little extra time and money that I could use on actually going out with my costumes. He told me that because he didn't know I made some costumes about 9 years before he met me that I was keeping secrets from him and that he should already know everything about me. We've been married three years. How could he possibly know everything about me? I certainly don't know everything about him.

He even went to a convention with me. That was an experience. He was grumpy and said many times that he was bored. It completely killed my time at the convention. I got to talk with friends, make new friends, and go to various panels where I learned things. He even picked half the panels we went to, and wanted to leave half-way through all of them. We had to leave early on one day because he didn't want to be there any more. I really tried to get him involved and looking at the different stuff, but he didn't like it and it wasn't his thing. That's fine. He doesn't have to like everything I do. But he has now told me that if I want to go, I have to take him with me. I cannot go by myself because he doesn't trust other people and what they'll do. It sounds more like he doesn't trust me, but he denies that. And it isn't that he thinks I'll be by myself, because a group of my friends go; so I would be with them. Not wandering some unfamiliar area by myself. It's always a group.

I have been planning, since May, a trip to a convention. I have bought the materials for my newest cosplay, Dejiko (look it up and tell me if that screams whore...I guarantee it doesn't), and the costume is coming along nicely. I was told that all I would really have to pay is my ticket to get into the convention ($50.00). When he was reminded of the convention (because I was invited to a Facebook thread about the convention and made a comment there), he flipped and said that the thread was secret and he never knew about my plans to attend the convention and he wasn't invited. (He is currently rather far away and will not be home in time to attend this convention with me.) The group thread is of an anime club that I was a president of. He claims this is news to him, even though every time someone asks me if I like anime, my standard response is that I was the president of an anime club, so of course. He has heard this, I am sure, because some of his friends have asked me about it.

He says the only reason I am going is that I want attention from guys. This is completely untrue! I like getting my picture taken with people because they admire the work I put into making my costumes, yes. But I more enjoy getting to go hang out with friends that I only get to see at these conventions and being able to talk with people who are interested in what I am. (No, he does not like/understand anime and won't watch it with me.)

I am feeling that he is insecure, but I wanted someone else to weigh in on this. I am very frustrated and don't see what's so bad about me going to a few conventions a year...especially when the cost is extremely low (as in this case) and the farthest I'd end up traveling is 5 hours. (Three of the ones I wanted to go to are 3 hours or less...and the other two are 5 hours).
I have been to two conventions and he has put his foot down on more. If he doesn't go with me, I am expected not to go. If I go, then I am going against his wishes and keeping secrets from him. So it's not like I go without him or without his permission. I went to one, he told me he didn't want me to go to any more without him being there so he went to the second one. He did not enjoy it, made it very clear before, during, and after that he did not enjoy it, and is still firm that unless he goes, I am not to go.

And, no, I am not 300 pounds...more like 120; and I do wear costumes that are weight appropriate.
o.O No tolerance, what Dejiko picture were you looking at? The skirt goes down to the knees and you wear leg warmers with it. The only leg people actually see are the knees. I was more referring that I would never wear something like a Felicia cosplay...which one was worn at the last convention I went to.
To answer your question, however, I am old enough to have seen ET in the theaters when it came out. ;-)

[Stephen]

Waaaaaaaaaay too long.

[Poopy, Just Poopy]

Your husband is right.

It's bad enough when there are 300 lb men wearing Sailor Moon costumes as a goof, but nobody wants to see a 300 lb female Sailor Moon.

[koutlaw44]

travel time isnt the issue hubby is. he does not want you to go period.

[Pick This]

It sounds to me like your biggest problem is that you're confusing "won't let" with "doesn't want". Based on your details, you do go. So stop making this into a bigger issue in your mind than it is.

And that's my biggest advice: stop making a big deal out of it. Give your husband some hugs and reassurance, but otherwise shut up about going. Don't argue. Don't discuss. Don't model your costumes for him. And when it's time to go, just go.

[dr.pepper106]

He is either insecure or wants to control you. He should know that you are dressing up for yourself and your own enjoyment. Be sure to leave him home in the future, no one needs a stick in the mud while you are trying to enjoy yourself.
I just can't see any harm in what you are doing.

[PEGGY S]

He is an insecure idiot that is trying to manipulate you into allowing him to control you. do not fall for it. Tell him that you love him and if he is so worried, he can come with you. T
hat should shut him up!!!

[ShinsFortress]

Fcuk him. And I don't mean have sex with him.

It's your life, if you want to go, go. I don't see you stopping him going to the pub or football or whatever he likes.

[no tolerance]

i have a question - how old ARE u? and i looked up Dejiko - if worn by a little girl the suit is all right, if worn by a grown up woman it is extremely whory - the length of a skirt is outrageous for a decent woman. and the amount of underwear u wear under whory costume does not compensate that u do not look proper. wearing a tutu outside ballet stage is not appropriate for any grown up woman. as u stated u have a husband u must be older than 12, but u sound like u re actually younger. i understand u like the conventions, but could u wear a decent outfit on them? not tutu or next to nothing skirts? and i have never seen any woman wearing a bikini outside the beach or pool area, so your excuse about wearing more than bikini was really stupid. this is my outcome. u go to these conventions because u re craving for attention, your husband is upset because attention from him is obviously not enough for u. it has nothing to do with trust. u must pick your battles and either dumo him and continue the conventions or stop them if he feels so strong about u going on them.

[Austin]

You need to decide what is more important: Your relationship with your husband or your fun with your friends at the conventions. I thought so.

Then try to reach a compromise. Either get him involved with your interests, or find something else that BOTH of you share an interest in and explore and develop that TOGETHER. This will make your relationship and marriage stronger.