Why is my dad sending sexy messages to women?

[mirabelle]

im a 13 year old girl living with my 2 married parents

when my dad was in the shower i looked on his phone and there were loads of messages(on his facebook)he sent to women like"love u babes xxx" and "i want the best for you xx" and "i will always find a place for you in my heart xxx".i was so shock i couldnt read more.i know it was wrong of me to look at his messages but....

when i was little my dad cheated on my mum and they separeted.i was really horrible because my mum went into a deopression(shes bipolar)and she had to go to hospital.

after a year they got back together and now,im 13,and i find out he doing it again!

i really dont wanna tell my mum and i dont have any family in this country!

WHAT SHOULD I DO??!please help

P.s.i took pics of the messagrs(they're in my secret folder on my phone)so i have proof.

no answers like "stop snooping around your dad's phone!" or "this is an adult thing"

also its not family or good friend because i looked at her profile and its a woman in her twenties that live in the same town as us!(weve only been living her 3 years!)

i know i shouldnt have looked at the messages but i did...

also im not confident enough to tell my mum because i love her so much i dont want her to feel hurt!!!

please leave your email(if you want to)if you're willing to help me more.

thanks

[Freebird Tina]

Unfortunatly you are caught between a rock and a hard place on this. While you know the repruccosions of what happened before, I think it better you seek a guidance counselor at school and seek help to get some resources and then tell your mom. Good Luck

[Lynn V]

If your mom is truly bipolar, then your dad is living in a marriage with a mentally ill woman. That can be incredibly lonely. When one partner is so unhealthy, the other may have to seek affection and sex somewhere else. Your dad is suffering too, so he takes his suffering to another woman rather than destroy his wife and marriage. Although it is a mystery to you why someone would use this way to cope, it is not unusual. There is no point in telling your mom. Your dad has a right to love and be loved, and if your mom’s mental illness prevents that, then he is doing the only thing he can do to deal with it.

[LIPPIE]

I will tell you STOP LOOKING AT YOUR FATHER'S PHONE AND MESSAGES! This is not your marriage. This is between your mother and father. If you don't want to hurt your mother then don't say a word. I hate to tell you, but she probably already knows what is going on and chooses to forget it. This is not your business, again stay out of it. What a way to get email addresses, slick.

[H A E]

Tell your dad that you ran into his friend, whatsherface, at your school. That she was really nice and invited you out, but say something like, "It was really weird though. She kept talking about us getting used to spending more time together. What's that about?"

It will freak him out so badly he'll never want to see or hear from her again.

[Oh My!]

Your father and mother have been down this road before. If you are able to peek at your dad's msg's I'm sure your mother has as well. It sucks that you are privy to this information. Your father should keep his personal affairs private.

One approach may be to talk w/you dad and tell him that you saw his messages. Tell him that you want absolutely no part or knowledge of his affairs. Tell him to respect your childhood and keep his business private and to himself.

Your parents need to deal with this and not leave it lying around for you to get into.

[GM]

I am so sorry ,Have they been having recent problems that may causing him to do these things.it is not ur fault...remember this.if u feel that u can talk to ur dad ,talk.but if u think that its not a good thing please dont.marriage is a hard lesson,everyday we learn things about eachother,i believe that he feels something bad about himself,if he is doing this.men are always making bad judgements about themselves then blaming others.we always hurt the ones we love.(its very very true.im going to pray for you and them.w

[Raven]

You really do need to stop snooping! Ok I'm laughing here because you are a child and children will snoop ...seriously though you might be reading more into these messages than is actually going on for real. Many people get caught up with this type of net speak and if they meet the person for real they just wouldn't dare call someone "baby" or openly express their love.
On the other hand you have seen them and that fact can't be ignored, so I suggest you broach the subject with your Father and see if he can put your mind at ease, as it's not fair that you should worry that your parents might separate at your age.

[Pr]

This is very difficult for you and it is difficult to tell you what to do for the best here. It could be a friend of your Dad's from work - you certainly might not of met everyone that your Dad knows. That said the messages, whilst certainly flirtatious do not prove that he is having an affair. I certainly wouldn't tell your mum at this stage because there may be nothing serious going on.
In my opinion, although difficult, the best thing to do is to speak to your Dad. My first thought is that as he hasn't put on sort of security on his phone to hide this stuff is that he isn't trying to hide anything. So OK he is going to be annoyed at you snooping on his phone but what is important is that you tell him how worried you are that he might leave you again. Give him a chance to explain. If you are not happy with his explanation send a message to the woman on her Facebook page. Tell her that you are your Dad's (mention his name but not yours), daughter, giving your age and that he is married and that your mother is unwell (you don't need to be specific) and ask her if she feels guilty about trying to break up a family. Leave it at that - you can be sure that whatever is going on the woman will be giving your Dad a good telling off and if she has any conscience at all will be dumping him..... and your Dad can't really get angry - especially if he was having an affair in the first place. Good luck to you and take care