Rate 1 to 10 the plot for my story?
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11-09-2012, 09:46 AM
Post: #1
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Rate 1 to 10 the plot for my story?
The story starts in school, Tasha lost her golden ring which was given by her deceased mother and she has gone berserk about it. Tasha and her friends spread rumours that Simeon stole the ring to avenge himself from the bullying of Tasha and her friends.
Quick facts: Tasha and his father were close when his mother was still alive but when her mother died everything changes. Jade is Simeon's bestfriend and she betrayed Simeon for money given by Tasha by telling their teacher that Simeon has kleptomania but Simeon keeps denying that he doesn't. When Simeon was walking home with his other bestfriend Eric, they were surrounded by Tasha's friends so Eric ran away leaving Simeon to be beaten up. When Simeon arrived home, he log in to his facebook and saw people posting in his profile about that he has kleptomania. So, Simeon posted a video on facebook that he is gonna commit suicide. Jade saw the video on facebook so she tried calling Simeon but Simeon wasn't answering her call so instead she calls Simeon's mom and she said to Jade that she is on her way to their house. But her house to Simeon's was only four houses away and Eric's house was just next to Simeon's. So, Jade ran to Eric's house and told him about Simeon commiting suicide so both of them entered Simeon's house looking for Simeon. Then they found him in the bathroom covered with cuts. A knife was already in front of his stomach then he started screaming to Jade and Eric to get out. Simeon's mom arrived and started to calm Simeon down so Simeon let go of the knife and he hugged his mom. ~What do you think? Kleptomania is the inability to refrain from the urge to steal items for reasons other than personal use or financial gain. Ads |
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11-09-2012, 09:54 AM
Post: #2
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Tasha is not a man's name, or at least I don't think so. Kleptomania....I don't even know what that is and I'm a 4.0 student.
Typical teenage drama...boring, cliche, and it always (for whatever reason) involves suicide. Ads |
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11-09-2012, 09:54 AM
Post: #3
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4.5/10
Melodramatic, and overly simplified. I'm afraid people who have no experience with suicide just never manage to portray it believably. Also, there should be some kind of subplot. Something other than rumor-mongering going on in Simon's life. I awarded a point for describing the plot in a clear and grammatically correct manner. I took off half a point for misspelling "Simon." Simeon = simian = monkeys. |
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11-09-2012, 09:54 AM
Post: #4
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Sounds okay. However, you should consider revising because it sounds awfully similar to the movie "Odd Girl Out"
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