How do you feel about your spouse/significant other fantasizing about other people while masturbating?

[Ryde.On]

It's kind of pointless for her to fantasize about me isn't it ?
I mean she can have me pretty much anytime she wants.

I mean how silly would it be for me to fantasize about driving my own truck rather than that Shelby Cobra I saw at the car show ?

[Poohcat1]

Quite frankly, masturbating is a physical need for a lot of men simply because their sex drives seem to come at odd times of the day or night...often when the love of their life is not around. It really has nothing at all to do with him looking at other girls pictures. That is simply the means by which he achieves the goal...which is the sexual release. Women sometimes do the same thing.

If he is still with you and still has sexual relations with you, I would not be overly concerned. He is not IN LOVE with these other woman. As I said, sometimes it might just be a girl in a magazine or whatever. Women worry to much about whether or not they are sexually pleasing to their man. Believe me, if you weren't, he would not stick around.

[Preeti]

You cannot roll on both the sides, you have to firstly decide that you want to know the truth and should have courage to accept it. If you really love him then you have to accept your bf the way he is. As you correctly said that biologically males are meant like that only. A very few have control on themselves. However, just opposite to this females are very honest and quite God fearing. Don't nag, listen him patiently and don't react at all, just be very normal the way you stays normal. This will make him think that why you are not reacting. You must have heard that when somebody wants attention they do such activities that other gets irritated and react and this is what that person wished but when nobody reacts at all then either they leave doing any such abnormal thing or adopt something else.

So in your case also just watch him and listen him carelessly as if it doesn't affects you at all and see the difference.

Good Luck
Preeti

[Billy]

this is the thing. I am super *jealous* which is not good supposedly. I have about literally died from depression after finding out about stuff like your bf did, my bf's didthe same thing. I cannot believe that they can love me and jack off?! A guy actually was on the phone w/ me, long distance relationship ok,,, he was on the phone w/ me, asked my zipcode and i didnt think anything of it. Well he was on an adult friend finder website (porn & hookups). I eventually found out that he used my zipcode to *check* if i was a member before he got too serious about me (even though it had been 3 months we'de been together) and then he jacked off for hours to the local girls. I eventually married that guy, he's a great husband now. I think its either you know about thier discretions and hate them or dont know about it and are in bliss. Men are just flawed. This battle will change into something diff. once married. Guys are so flawed. We've been married 7 yrs and have 2 kids and i dont know any woman who is happily married yet.......they are all the same so its not worth leaving a good guy over tem being flawed. I dont know if your guy is a good guy or not. I do think if its hurt you this much you definately need space at least to heal for a while. I still dont understand why they need to jack off to every boob on the internet. Men are so discouraging. Most women would probably have rathered to have kids and be single afterward, much easier emotionally! lol

[Another Crone]

If my husband wants to whack off it's his own business and I don't need to know who he is fantasizing about. Give the guy some privacy sometimes! Why is this so incredibly painful for you? Do you never touch yourself?

You don't need to know everything. It doesn't have to be that he's "sheltering" you. It just that every thing he does and thinks 24/7 is not necessarily your business.

[Jes100]

I am usually pretty sympatetic, but come on really..... he is a young guy. Belive me the kind of guy you want to have you will have, fifity years from now. Whether we admitt it or not I think we all fantisize a bit. Accept it, move on, most important STOP THINKING about it. There are bigger fish to fry in life. Be glad he was honest.

[tia]

People handle it easily because they DON'T think about it. I don't want to know who my partner fantasises about, it's not my business to be in his head. In fact, the question has never been asked. I don't need to know what goes on in his head, and he wouldn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me. It's like asking someone what they're thinking - it's invasive. Not telling you 'I was thinking of ..... When I was ....' is not called 'sheltering' you, it's called keeping your private thoughts private.

[Alyssa Soska]

Esssh... it doesn't mean he loves you any less. If he called one of them or kept looking at the same one... but he knows they are probably not as nice as you are, so he wouldn't bother.
Look.... if you don't milk cows, they explode, right? Just be practical. If he didn't do this he would be thinking about it 24/7 instead of just when he does it.

[bruce d]

Love these kind of questions. Confirms that women like this think the entire universe revolves around them.

[Man-eating WOMBAT]

Sweetheart this doesn't really have a lot to do with your boyfriend's behavior. that's about 2% of the problem.

The other 98% is that you believe //you don't deserve to be loved and accepted.// That's what really matters here.

That's why you place ridiculous, impossible conditions on his love for you.

In other words, the only way your boyfriend is //allowed// to love you.......... is in a way that is insane, obsessive, all-consuming, self-obliterating, and leaves him zero free choice in the matter.

Because if he could actually /choose// , he'd choose any woman in the world but you....... ain't that right?

Actually no it isn't right.. If your boyfriend felt like other women were worth his love or devotion he'd have been gone 3.4 years ago. Masturbating because you've got an uncomfortable erection and you want it to go away.......i wouldn't describe that as "love."

When you talk about 'agonizing pain" i don't think that's becsue your boyfriend shoves you down the stair every weekend. So the angst and self-recrimination you feel is largely self inflicted. You're just looking for an excuse to hate yourself. And i understand that it's hard sometime not to.

You can't negotiate with self-hate, shame, and anxiety. You can't make them rational. The first step is by recognizing that your self-loathing isn't rational. The second step is by recognizing that there's absolutely nothing other people can do to force you to like yourself. That's YOUR job. Not your boyfriend's.You are the sole employee and CEO of "Love and Accept Yourself Incorporated." So you should take your loving yourself career seriously.

You deal with self-hate by reaching deep within yourself and finding your place of abundance and serenity.

The place that says you don't have to be a perfect woman and your boyfriend doesn't have to be a perfect man. You find the place that says you're a pretty damn good person right now. The, dusty messy, imperfect way he loves you right now is good enough. Because that's how real honest love is.