*Should I continue with my marriage*?

[shannybnax]

One time when I thought our marriage was over,I was texting with a couple of guys. I knew it was wrong and felt bad. I told my husband and he forgave me and decided to work things out. I asked was he gonna do anything to get back at me,he said no it would only make things worse. Now I saw he has been talking to an old high school crush on Facebook. He had deleted most of the messages and said he never was gonna tell me. He said he just wanted her advice on our situation and that's all they talked about. But I feel he has always wanted and had feeling for her. The dudes I texted I had never met and was just replying to them on a site. But he went to her first and then she started replying back. A few months before this I saw he had went to her profile and he claimed he just wanted to see a pic of some certificate she had. Well I'm thinking at least I told him about what I did but he tried to hide his from me. And I also feel he always wanted to talk to her and used what I did to do so,so he wouldn't feel guilty. I asked did he do it to get back at me and he said no. But then said he wouldn't have done it if I hadn't did what I did,which doesn't make sense. Then he says he doesn't know why he did it. I told him I rather it would have been some random girl he didn't know,then for it to be her,someone from his past. Now I feel he still has feelings for her and still really want her. I think he used what I did to finally be able to talk to her guilt free. I think I can't go on with the marriage because unlike my situation,I think his has feelings involved and I told him what I had done,whereas he was never gonna tell me. Any advice please would be appreciated.
Thanks for answering. But I do feel guilty for what I did,I felt like a horrible wife. I'm not saying what I did wasn't wrong and what he did was. I'm saying I don't know if I can move on because I think his situation to me involved feelings and he was go never tell me about his. I told him about mine and there were no feelings involved,I can't even remember the guys name,it was just random texts on some site. I feel he always wanted to talk to her and used our situation to do it. Now I feel like he doesn't really want me but settled for me because he couldn't have her. Also could you be in a marriage when the other person has feelings for someone else
Why would I want my husband to cheat,that is so ridiculous. And it hurts to think he was thinking he finally can talk to this girl because of what I did,after he said he forgave me and wouldn't do anything to retaliate. And I least I had the decency to tell him,he said he was never going to tell me. Also he said she didn't give him any advice after he told her,so what was the point.
@Tman But I said I was wrong,did you not see that. All I'm saying is the guy I was texting I didn't know and there were no feelings involved. And if he always wanted to talk to this girl and used what I did to be able to,then why did he say he forgave me and wanted to work things out. It is almost like he was happy I screwed up so he can talk to her guilt free. I was wrong,he was wrong. But if he has feelings for her,I can't continue this marriage.
@carol that's exactly what I mean. But if he did it just to retaliate,I could get over that. But if he always wanted to talk to her but would've felt guilty doing so,I think he saw what I did as finally a green light to do it. I honestly believes he still wants her and that's what I can't live with.

[missingora]

It sounds like you don't want to feel guilty for what you did but you do want your husband to feel guilty over what he did. Perhaps you could talk, really communicate, about this problem and then decide together whether or not your want to forgive each other and try to save your marriage.

[Tzapporah J]

It is a hard situation BUT he did forgive you for what you did, and once someone forgives the other person theres no bringing it up you are agreeing to work things out no matter what happened thats part of forgiving. He has no excuse I think he is using that reason against you because he feels he can but you said you werent even together at the time and he forgave you he has no real reason to do this behind your back and seek her out. I suggest time apart he obviously isnt ready to try again and he needs to be a man and tell you whats really going on first of al even if he wanted "Advice " he shouldnt be telling anyone else yalls business thats between you and him not you him and her, let him know your not gonna put up with it. Good luck

[jackanory]

Talking to a high school crush is nothing compared to textin guys you've met online! It seems like you still feel guilty over what happened and almost want him to cheat so you can stop feeling guilty! He's done nothing wrong to be fair, he went to a friend for advice on what happened in his marriage. Sit down and talk about what's happened but take some responsibility for what you did and accept he may still be hurting

[TMan]

sounds like you need to grow up. There is no difference in what you guys where doing on the surface.

Now being that I work with couples getting though infidelity I'm calling bs on you. You were not just texting to reply to guys on a website. Not being honest doesn't help. Of course you had progressed past simply replying, why else would they have your number to text?

You can dress it however you want but it comes down to you being selfish, and thinking that his feelings for you should be greater then yours for him. In other words you think its more important that he stay true to you then it is for you to him.

Your not ready to be married. This isn't about your husband, he can't tell his side. Your just not mature enough for marriage. We can always find a way to make what our spouse did worse, but what does that solve?

Slow down, think about what you do and say and what effects your words and actions has on him.

Good luck

[Carol]

Two wrongs don't make a right.
Your husband said that he would not retaliate against you but it looks like he did.
If he needed to talk to someone he could have went to a counselor.
At least you were honest and discussed it with him.
He sounds somewhat passive aggressive acting ok to your face then goes behind your back.
If he has done this to make you feel jealous it's a good way for him to destroy the marriage especially by telling her what happened.
He could have chose to talk to anybody else but deliberately picked her out.
He needs to cut off all communication with this woman and start focusing on the two of you.
I am sorry but that was just mean and you both need to talk about what is and is not acceptable for the relationship to continue.