To trust or not to trust my boyfriend?

[Carol]

My boyfriend and I (both 21) have been together for almost a year and we really get along. He has Asperger sydrome which is the only obstacle in our relationship: he has trouble expressing his feelings and he's sometimes rude or unelegant unintentionally. He also has a tendency for isolation and hates changes in daily routine, travelling or having his 'security backup' shaken.

Well, on to the issue. I knew he had been commenting on a facebook (female) friend's profile with words such as "very sexy", "so, so cute" and even a joke comment in which he says "I want to fap!". The girl is someone who he's never seen personally, but who posts a lot of bikini/sexy pictures to her page. They only have the music tastes in common. Appearently they also phones each other sometimes and texted often. I discredited the situation for a while, until I could no longer ignore and decided to address it. I asked him about her and his answer was "she's just a facebook friend I chat a lot with". Not happy with the response (I have a sixth sense...), I decided to add the girl and ask her upfront. I started a trivial conversation and then asked her about him and revealed that I was his girlfriend.

She reacted immediately and revealed that my boyfriend had been hitting on her bigtime and telling her that what he had with me "just a minor thing" and that I "woulnd't mind him being with other women" and that he was willing to cheat since I wasn't important enough. She also revealed that she knew some awkwardly private details about myself such as my bissexuality and health issues.

I confronted him and he denied everything. Admits to having had long conversations with her but denies all of this and says that it must have been her misunderstanding his words or saying this out of revenge, since she liked him and found out he was comitted. He also denied having revealed anything to her about my sexuality or health. Admittedly she acted sexually towards him, telling him she was naked, asking him out (which he always declined) and using words such as "fuck you and that girlfriend of yours". Why he kept talking to her for so long and considering her a "friend". I don't know.

We had an argument (our first) and he ended up crying, asking me to stay, repeating the same story over and over: it was a misunderstanding, he's innocent, the other girl is rather crazy... Physically, he shows lots of signs of affection towards me, atypical for an Asperger sufferer. I decided to forgive him yet I told him I couldn't completely believe him and that our relationship would be damaged for a while, if not forever.

Days later, I found out that they had never indeed seen each other personally since she passed us by in college and looked at us without a word. Later she texted my boyfriend wishing him "the best" in a rather harsh tone and minutes later texted him insulting his physical appearence and mine.

Note: The girl is very hot and seemingly eager to expose her sexuality/sexual assets online. I'm not uglier but I'm physically very different. My type of beauty is less popular in my region (I'm Dita Von Teese, she's the brunette Shakira). People from outside our relationship often describe as "the perfect girlfriend". I do lots of things for him, I'm very sweet. I am more intelligent and cult than this girl and I have a lot more common interests with him. I can't see a particular lack in our relationship that would make him seek other women (unless, of course, her physical beauty).

[AvuncularUngulate]

Trust him? I'm not sure you should even be talking to him.

[Jan409]

I wouldn't trust him
Why would a guy in a relationship chat and flirt with someone else
if his relationship meant anything to him
He probably didn't think he would get caught
You've had a wake up call, so just watch what he gets up to now, and see if his behaviour with
other females goes on or not

[flying carpet]

Far too much baggage and info.The bottom line is your bf is a waste of time.Leave him as you have no future with a guy like this.

[wit beyond measure]

And may I ask what in the name of hell are you doing with this man??????????!!!!!!! You are just too much for him dear. Hey, let her have him, just let her. You deserve much better so why are you selling yourself so cheap? If I were you, I'd rap him in a gift paper and give him to her, let him be her eternal cross. They deserve each other dear, have some more confidence.

[M!@KA]

He was curious for her. She is completely different from you plus you say she is attractive so it will get his attention. Did he cheat on you I dont think so but YES that is where it was going. The other girl was spiteful and started to trash talk to him through text meaning she was interested in him too and her ego got smashed that he preferred you over some good hot sex with her. Long story short, yes he would have cheated on you in a heartbeat. Doesn't mean he does not care for you but oh well, he's a guy and was curious for an attractive girl who was willingly flirting with him back and then some. You really can't ask people whether you should trust him not bc we all are going to say NO. But you see, we are not in love with this guy so it is easier said than done for us. Only you know what is going on in your relationship. If you are still planning to stay with him you're gonna have to trust him bc if not it's gonna be a road straight to misery. Trust him with your eyes WIDE OPEN

[Sarah]

I think you're right dear, all he is attracted to is her physical appearance, from reading your post, non of us can tell you whether to trust him or not because trust isn't something that can be bought, but from my intelligence of knowledge i will give you my honest opinion ; your partner saw his opportunity to try win this girl over (not to leave you) but to get his leg over her, he will have liked her physically , which is why he was texting her, while he didn't actually know her!
if you have a partner then you usually do not really choose to text the opposite sex (well depending on sexuality) if you think it might make your partner think, you only usually speak to someone you don't know a lot if you want something from them, especially while in a relationship !

i think what he wanted was possibly to sleep with this girl but he wanted you mainly as you treat him right, am i right in saying that people want the decent people for keeps ? i mean my partner is great towards me and i really do appreciate it, but i know i would never go behind his back because if i lose him i wont get the same again more or less, and i am pretty sure he will know this two,
i do believe he may have said these things to her and i do believe he may have text her more when you wasn't around or while you was in a mood or something anywhere along them lines, because while you are in a moody state with him, despite all you do for him, he will feel, i want happiness and he will bide his time until you reach a good state with him, he will have said probably some horrible things about you maybe to her, as if you was in a mood with him he will have been a little miffed off him self !

this girl can say what she wants but what is she hurting, as far as i am concerned, sticks and stones !
it is totally up to you if you trust him, like i said trust comes deep with in but just know when you no longer trust him, it isn't worth being with him because from the moment trust is lost, it will down hill from there and takes a lot of time to gain trust back, people may forgive but they never forget!

[Rob Dutoit]

Don't trust him. His story is the same old crap that every cheater comes up with. never his fault, always somebody elses fault. He is a cheater and a liar and a scumbag. Dump him