POLL: If you had a child that died, would you?

[immenseAssassin573]

still count yourself as a mother/father to the child?

my friend had 3 boys, ages 3, 5, 8 and the 3 year old Jack sadly died, her profile on facebook says "I am a mother of 2"

if that were me I would not get over it and write mother of 3, or not put a number...

[Delete, Rewind.X]

I couldn't say. It's never happened to me.

Perhaps her profile update is part of her own recovery process.

[layla]

I would keep mother of 3. I would always consider myself the mom to the 3 y/o

[Â David Bianchet]

If she says, "mother of 3" people will ask about the third child. Maybe she doesn't want to be asked about her child that died. It might be too painful for her to discuss.

[pǝɹǝʌoɔsıpun]

I would still count them as my child whether they died during their birth or if they where 2 or however old they were. A child is a child and if they came from me then I would consider them my child regardless if alive or dead.

[April]

I was a Hospice Nurse. People handle death & grief differently. What she shows on the outside may not be what she is feeling on the inside. Also, if she put mother of 3 & people start asking her how old they are, she then has to say that one died. I'm sure it's hard enough for her, without having to explain that all the time. It's difficult for people to understand others feelings. I lost 3 babies before they were born. No one to ever understand my grief. They thought my pain shouldn't be so bad, because I never saw them. My infertility specialist explained that women who lose children the way I did suffer the same as if they had died after a few years. We finally did have a daughter. In my mind I'm the mother of 4, however strange that may sound.

[Avocadogirl]

Well, I couldn't say what I would do in that situation and, God keep those who have to know what that's like. Out of love and duty to my other children, I couldn't let the loss of a child kill me but, I know I'd never get over it.

Regardless, I would feel a responsibility to my other children to say that, to use your example, I was a mother of two, as oppossed to a mother of three. If I continued to say that I was a mother of three, as a way to acknowledge the existence of the child I lost, it would be nearly equivalent to not acknowledging that I had lost that child. I wouldn't want my children to feel like they had to live in a reality where their relationship with me was affected by a tragedy from which I could not separate myself. It would be a tragedy no doubt, and I would not be able to separate myself from it but, my children shouldn't have to know that. They should not have to deal with additional hardship, after having to endure such a hard life lesson at such a young age, where they should carry the burden of living with the knowledge that I, as their mother, could not separate myself from a tragedy that affected them also.

I would fear that implying I had three children, when I had only two surviving children, might keep the loss in the forefront of the minds of my two surviving children and, it might, inadvertantly, hinder their ability to cope with the reality of the loss of their sibling. It's not a reality I would want them to have to cope with but, it would be the tragic reality.

And, if I implied that I had three children, my other two children might face questioning about their sibling, in addition to potentially having to process my response to those questions, in the event of being questioned in front of them.

I would not pretend like the child I lost never existed but, I would try to sheild my existing children from the pain of life and death to the best of my ability.

So, I would either not put a number, or I would say I was a mother of 2.