please answer for me. does he have feelings for me or NO?

[ashley]

my ex broke up with me a month ago because he is leaving for boot camp in january. he told me he was afraid of falling in love and getting hurt because he was in a 5 year relationship that ended badly. after he broke up with me, he contact me every single day. we ended up getting back together but we were not boyfriend and girlfriend, we were "exclusively dating." everything had been going really well, he took me on a date, i spent one weekend with him and had dinner with his family, we spent some days together. and things seemed better than ever.

however, last week he was really distant. he's been focusing a lot on getting this one particular job so he doesn't have to join the army. we didn't see each other all week and i decided to back off a bit and give him some space. friday came around and i thought it would be nice to bring him a coffee at work. he did not look happy at all, he was kinda short with me and i was so embarrassed. i got home and messaged him and explained how i was feeling embarrassed. he said that it was weird and kinda creepy how i was just there and it made him feel uneasy. i was hurt by this and excessively messaged him 11 times defending myself.

eventually he came back on facebook and we were arguing and he told me that what i did was bf gf status and thats not what we are and he feels like im trying to make us something were not. then he told me hes focused on getting this job and he doesnt care about anything else. i asked him if he had feelings for me and he said "yes i do..but i dont think theyre as strong as the ones you have for me..i wish i could invite you over a lot more but i cant. i would love to have you over every night but im so busy with all of this paperwork" he told me he wasnt focused on working on me and him. i told him if he wants to hook up with other girls and do his thing that's fine, just leave me out of it. and he said "it has nothing to do with other girls, idk what my future holds and im only focused on this job." i saw he changed his profile and this one girl liked it and has like some of his statuses but it's probably nothing. i was clearly hurt and i did excessively message and he deleted me off facebook. he messaged me yesterday saying “hey” and we had a small convo but still we haven’t had a talk & haven’t come to any conclusion...




1. does he have feelings for me?
2. do you think my excessive messaging pushed him away, or he was already distancing himself due to the whole work process & the messages probably didn't help?
3. what should i do?

[mikedec5to14]

I don't think you are going to like my answer, but here it is.

I think he likes you. I think he enjoys your company. I think is happy being with you.........
I also think he is being very honest and above board about those feelings. He does not want to let them grow right now. He is keeping his feelings for you at bay. He does not want to be a couple with you.
He also thinks your feelings for him are stronger than his feelings for you. He does not want to hurt you.

With all that said, the answer to your second questions becomes easy. You're pushing very hard and i am quite sure that is driving him away from you. Excessive texting, calling, wanting his time and attention are only convincing him that he HAS TO ignore anything he is feeling for you. It is causing him to run from you. That's what you are seeing now.

I hate to say it, but i suspect it's too late. You have shown yourself to be obsessive in nature and that's the LAST thing he wants. I do not think he will come back to you now.

I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news.